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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU not to take my granny on holiday

76 replies

Alvinsredhead · 21/02/2020 15:47

I genuinely don’t know if I am.

She’s 88. Today I mentioned we were going abroad and Fil was coming with us. I could tell by her face she was pissed off st not being asked and for the rest of the morning she was quiet and distracted.

She has been like a mother to me and made sure I was always ok. She walked me down the isle when I got married. We talk daily and one day a week I take her shopping or do jobs she needs doing as no one else can be arsed.

She loves travelling and worries that she won’t get away on holiday again because her insurance is too high.

However - and this is where I sound horrible - last time we went abroad and she came she was a nightmare. I actually had to pay more attention to her than my kids. She over talks people and dominates the conversation. She moans when we eat out. She walks super slow as her strides are really small so even though it looks like she is moving fast she’s hardly moving. I find it really hard to walk at her pace even if I slow down. So we all end up walking ridiculously slow. She won’t go in a wheel chair.

Where we are going is really hilly and has a pool. She will be telling the kids off and calling for me to ‘watch them’ when inam and they are perfectly fine. She can be a bit abrupt with the kids which can be jolting as she uses the same tone she uses with her dog when she wants it to heel.

After the last holiday I said never again. It’s like she turns in to a child when we are are away.

But I know she’s not going to be here for much longer and feel rotten and selfish.

Hit me with it.

OP posts:
Forcryingoutloudwtf · 21/02/2020 15:49

There is no way I would bring her. Let your children enjoy their holidays.

GreenTulips · 21/02/2020 15:49

I think it’s fine.

There’s loads of singles holidays for your nans age group, perhaps she tries one and makes some new friends

SnuggyBuggy · 21/02/2020 15:50

YANBU. It sounds like the holiday won't work with her there. Is there something else you could do with her that might be more fun like taking her out without the kids?

liv10 · 21/02/2020 15:50

Maybe take her for a weekend away? But I would never take her on holidays with my family again, and YANBU.

Blackandgreenteas · 21/02/2020 15:51

Yanbu. You aren’t obliged to bring her! The only thing where you are being a bit unfair is maybe the speed at which she walks, but all the other stuff is reason enough.

TorkTorkBam · 21/02/2020 15:52

You are not being unreasonable.

If you went away with her again the damage to your relationship might not be repaired in her lifetime. You are refusing to take her on holiday because you love her and you want to keep a good relationship. She'll get over it, especially if you are all blithe like it obviously isn't even a thing. If she mentions it you can joke about last holiday you two nearly murdered each other so never again.

Alvinsredhead · 21/02/2020 15:54

Oh wow I was expecting to be called all sorts Grin

I feel rotten though like I’m abandoning her!

OP posts:
Alvinsredhead · 21/02/2020 15:54

I see some people have voted YABU 🙈

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 21/02/2020 15:55

No, you are having a break for a week. Abandoning is so very dramatic. Calm your tits.

IggyAce · 21/02/2020 15:55

We once took my dh gm away when dd was about 2 just mon-fri in a caravan. It wasn’t the best holiday my dh discovered he hated caravans and her snoring was awful it kept us awake. We were always stopping for the loo or a cup of tea.
After that we never went on holiday with her but we took her on plenty of day trips which we all enjoyed. Could you do a day trip or two with her?

bigTillyMint · 21/02/2020 15:56

She is 88. Her expectations of a holiday with be vastly different to yours, and more importantly your DC. Neither side will enjoy it.

Tell her you’ll bring her a stick of rock backGrin

Fr0g · 21/02/2020 15:56

can you afford to do something else with her one weekend & you partner has children? - Just a night or two in a hotel or s/c cottage?

Nanny0gg · 21/02/2020 15:57

Can you afford to go somewhere else with her, just the two of you?

Maybe a Groupon break in the UK?

You may regret not doing anything and it must be very depressing to think you'll never go on holiday again.

schnubbins · 21/02/2020 15:57

She sounds like a mixture of my mum and dad.I have taken them on lots of holidays over the years but just cannot do it anymore.we live in different countries to each other so now i go home and take them away for short breaks which suit them and we don't get on each others nerves.

Sally2791 · 21/02/2020 15:57

Take her for a weekend somewhere at her pace so you can both enjoy the time together

Blackandgreenteas · 21/02/2020 15:58

She will be telling the kids off and calling for me to ‘watch them’ when inam and they are perfectly fine.

^^
This would drive me up the wall! My Dad is like this - constantly telling other people to watch their children so they can’t relax - even when children are fine - but wouldn’t actually step in himself!

1Morewineplease · 21/02/2020 15:59

I agree with PP who suggested a weekend away with her but don’t take her on your holiday.
Just tell her that there are lots of steep hills and that you’ll be doing lots of water sports.
Please don’t feel guilty.

Dinomom52 · 21/02/2020 16:03

We take my mum away with us. So much so we haven’t had a holiday without her since well before my kids were born. My eldest is almost 9.

I find it a struggle as it’s just one more person to feed and clean up after. She doesn’t always participate in our plans & I feel like I have to make sure she’s ok for food while we’re out or that she doesn’t mind not coming. If she does come, I feel obliged to pay for her entry to places, travel & food when we eat out.

I find it exhausting & expensive & stressful.

We’re going away next month without her for our own family holiday. It’s only for 4 days, but we literally can’t wait. She was fine when we told her & didn’t sulk at all. Because she understands it’s our family time too.

mumwon · 21/02/2020 16:07

could you afford a weekend away just the 2 of you?

GaraMedouar · 21/02/2020 16:10

I invited my DM on holiday with us (me and 3 kids) after I separated. Never again! Just didn’t work with the dynamics. She constantly tried to get my DS to eat something other than pasta or chips - so every meal was a battle with her tutting . When we went to the water parks she still came but hated it, my DD always wanted to sit next to me and not grandma so she sulked! (Grandma not DD). I was stressed trying to keep everyone happy. Now we go ourselves , and grandma goes with her friend, works much better.

fedup21 · 21/02/2020 16:10

I wouldn’t take her either.

HoHoHolly · 21/02/2020 16:11

YANBU but it would be lovely if you could take her out for a fun day or even a weekend away, instead of one of your "doing jobs" days.

Travelling is one of those things that is so much easier with a companion, and I bet she really misses it. But no don't let her spoil your holiday. Lesson learned last time.

Jaxhog · 21/02/2020 16:13

Don't take her on your family holiday. Instead, take her for a long weekend somewhere flat with stuff nearby.

BoomBoomsCousin · 21/02/2020 16:13

Making the whole family’s holiday rotten so your gran can come along is not a reasonable thing to do.

If you really want to help her travel and can afford it, maybe go on a holiday that’s just you and her. But don’t make everyone else suffer, on a trip they surely look forward to, to appease her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/02/2020 16:17

YANBU. Was also coming on to say take her away for a weekend trip to somewhere she can walk around relatively easily. Some people are always going to say YABU to this sort of thing. Possibly some of those have lost their loved ones and would love to holiday with them now. Different people. Different priorities.