My child's nursery

[Rose06]

I had a unexpected meeting with my child's nursery today. Apparently they felt the kitchen staff were already overstretched and with my son being vegetarian and unable to the substitute. Also they couldn't provide a menu just for my son something I challenged as I never gave such a impression. They initially suggested I can bring my own food for him but when I queried how this will affect the daily charge I pay they had to get to me. They are also pressuring me into moving my son into the next room. Apparently the handover I ask for at pick up can be too detailed and the morning staff are under alot of pressure.
I gave the nursery my suggestions on alternatives and stated I'm happy for my son to begin transition to the next room but he's not being moved until her turns 2.
I've now come home and I'm so annoyed and stressed. My son is settled in this nursery and moving him would be difficult for him. But I cannot believe the cheek. Am I over reacting? Or over thinking?

I have a really accommodating child-centric childminder so no I don't think you're overreacting. If they wouldn't adhere to my child's dietary recs I'd move them, they don't sound particularly all about the children.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I can’t comment from personal experience regarding catering as I have always had to supply a packed lunch for my daughter (two years at preschool and currently in a school nursery - deferred summerborn). However, I always used to ask how my daughter’s day had been at her old setting and they looked at me as if I had grown an extra head! Her key worker also told me that I was one of the only parents who checked Tapestry on a regular basis and commented/added my own observations. I was frequently left feeling let down with how little they updated it, however they were willing to give me a short verbal summary of her day when I pushed it. It is not unreasonable to expect this for any child when you are entrusting their care to the nursery, especially for children with developmental delay (my DD had a speech delay and some mild ASD traits).

Thank you to everyone for your responses.

OP's child isnt even two yet so its kind of imperative that she speak to staff at drop offs and pick ups. The questions shes asked don't sound like they'd take forever to answer.

WHY is it imperative?

If you can't trust the staff to let you know when something needs to be said, you shouldn't trust them to have your child at all.

You are not being difficult or ‘hard work’ OP.

At DDs nursery at pick up they tell us what each meal and snack was and how much of it she ate, how many wet/dirty nappies, how long she’s napped for and what her favourite activity was that day. It sounds similar in size to your child’s nursery, there’s 6-8 children per room (and 5 rooms) so staff have the time.

They also checked with me regarding her transitioning to the next room and made adjustments when she wouldn’t settle there (I dropped her off in her old room and the manager would walk her down half an hour later).

It’s also a vegetarian nursery but easily worked round an allergy DD had. And when she first started and was fussy with her meals there they asked what she liked and specifically bought those things.

I’d be looking at a new nursery if I were you.

I have a child with sensory issues and picky eating is a part of that. Her nursery asked me to start packing her meals even though it violated their policy. It never once occurred to me to ask for a discount.

If your child has dietary issues, then counting on nutritional balance at nursery or school is never going to work. Even now that dd is 10yo, the limitations of what I can pack mean my focus for her midday meal at school has to just be filling. We balance that with better meals at home

I'd be pretty annoyed if I was paying for a service that all the other children were getting and my child wasn't receiving an equal amount of care. They should be able to give you a detailed run down of the day if he's in the baby room, they should be keeping a close on all the children. Unless the children had been split in to groups and the staff looking after your child wasn't there for the hand over.

At Dd's nursery drop off is anything that's out the norm, if she didn't sleep ok etc. 30 seconds max. Pick up handover is what she ate & how much, how long she napped for, nappies, potty and what she played with. We get told in advance roughly when she'll be loved then she has settling in sessions for the week before.

There are plenty of kids with multiple dietary needs and they cater to all of it. There is 3 weeks of menus on the wall in reception and on their website parents area. She often eats better than I do!

If the nursery isnt right and he'll be unsettled by moving too early then you may as well move him, you both need to be happy with the care that is provided. You don't sound like hard work at all.

Her kid is only one and people are saying she shouldn't expect much of a handover? Is this really what people who use nurseries have to deal with? Handing their babies over for the day and being made to feel difficult for asking for a little bit of feedback? Really sad isn't it.

*when she'll be moved. She is loved all the time! Lots of cuddles and she clearly feels safe and happy with all the staff there, not just her key worker.

Handing their babies over for the day and being made to feel difficult for asking for a little bit of feedback?
a little bit of feedback doesn't take "a few minutes".

Just multiply the number of children by the "few minutes" and imagine how practical that would be. how long would you be happy to wait when you pick up your kid after a long day at work?

Even better, how long would you be happy to wait in the morning when parents are doing their handover?

I think the nursery are being unreasonable and honestly if you can I would look to move him. My ds has a vegetarian diet at nursery, we eat halal food so ds does eat meat at home but to keep it simple for nursery he has a vegetarian diet but fish is allowed. I prefer them not to give him meat substitutes as I would not eat them myself. This has not been a problem at the nursery my son goes to. My dh always asks what he has eaten if anything as when he first started he wouldn't eat anything but would have bottles of milk. He no longer has milk at nursery so whether he has eaten is important. I wouldn't expect a breakdown of everything ds has done that day but would expect to know if he eaten and if he was upset.

Also if they cannot provide meals the fees should be reduced and I would challenge it if not.

@MintyMabel
If he doesn’t like Quorn tough
This is a 2 yr old child? Does your attitude apply to allergies?
How charming you are.

Im surprised at this. Both nurseries ive used weve had handover at drop off and pick up. Id absolutely expect it as a minimum tbh.

The food thing is crap too. Ds had issues with tomatoes when he was small and his nursery coped with that. Its not hard.

Id move him without a shadow of a doubt. I think some posters have been very judgy tbh. Says more about their parenting than yours.

Why is your son vegetarian? Is it your personal choice or is there something in meat he doesn't agree with?

Why does that matter @lboogy?

lboogy eating meat or not eating meat is equally making a choice for our children.

OP I don’t think you are being at all difficult. Vegetarian menu and a handover doesn’t seem much to ask.

I don't think what you're expecting is unreasonable. Our son is vegetarian and our nursery caters for him just fine and he is rarely given quorn. We also get a piece of paper with information about his sleep, nappy changes and what he ate and how much. They also tell us about his day. I also would be concerned about them wanting to move him to the toddler room before he's two. I hope you get it all sorted.

Surely morning handover is like 30 seconds where I tell them any issues, then bolt out the door for work.

Wow, some of the replies on this thread give the impression it’s a cheek to expect a nursery to do more than change a dirty nappy and hand out a shrink wrapped sandwich.

I live in Germany and it goes without saying over here that nurseries offer a healthy balanced lunch and give a proper handover at pick up time, especially for the youngest children. I have 3 kids who’ve been in 3 different nurseries and each one has given standard feedback at pick up time without me having to ask for it - the staff are more than capable at talking to parents whilst watching the other children at the same time! I see from this thread that for every parent who wants to know what their kid has been up to, there is another who doesn’t give a sh!t, so I guess the time needed balances out.

You’re not being unreasonable at all rose.

Why are people so surprised about there only being 6 children in a room? OP's child is clearly in the baby room - which is often a lot smaller than the rest of the rooms.

DD goes to a huge nursery but there's only 8 babies in the baby room in total - most of which are not there all of the time so it's usually about 4 or 5.

I'm always curious why people make certain dietary decisions for their children. I didn't realise it would cause offence. Oh well