My child's nursery

[Rose06]

I had a unexpected meeting with my child's nursery today. Apparently they felt the kitchen staff were already overstretched and with my son being vegetarian and unable to the substitute. Also they couldn't provide a menu just for my son something I challenged as I never gave such a impression. They initially suggested I can bring my own food for him but when I queried how this will affect the daily charge I pay they had to get to me. They are also pressuring me into moving my son into the next room. Apparently the handover I ask for at pick up can be too detailed and the morning staff are under alot of pressure.
I gave the nursery my suggestions on alternatives and stated I'm happy for my son to begin transition to the next room but he's not being moved until her turns 2.
I've now come home and I'm so annoyed and stressed. My son is settled in this nursery and moving him would be difficult for him. But I cannot believe the cheek. Am I over reacting? Or over thinking?

MintyMabel thanks for your comment. They 6 in a room. Regarding his diet Quorn upsets his stomach. However because I had been asking for a copy of the menu since January they felt it was necessary they had a meeting with me

Many, many people are allergic to Quorn or other Quorn-type meat substitutes. It’s completely unreasonable that they can’t cater for a vegetarian child who can’t eat Quorn.

As for the transition to next room. Are they asking because they need younger children from the previous room to move into you DS’s room? Our nursery did this and it was fine, our DC moved with friends however it did mean they were in the next room for longer than usual and starting to get a little bored.

If he has special dietary requirements, then they should have looked into this before initially agreeing to offer an alternative. It's not your fault the kitchen staff are stretched. There must be other children there who require special requirements as well? It may be other parents are also affected by this.

I don't understand why you won't allow him to transition until he is 2. The staff wouldn't be suggesting it if they didn't think he was ready?

There is nothing worse than being behind somebody who is asking endless questions at handover. I had to wait a good 10 minutes the other day, which I found mildly annoying - some parents do seem to take up a lot of time and can be quite demanding on the staff's time. I witnessed one parent going into minute detail about how to give some Calpol the other day!

Hate to say it, but sounds like you may have a bit of a reputation with the staff as being "difficult!"

Just 6 children in the room? That seems insanely low for a nursery.

I'm surprised they can work on such low numbers. Also if there are only 6 children, then I can't see why they would get stressed at handover time.

They should be able to manage your son's dietary needs.
A menu should be available to all parents.
Too much Quorn isn't ideal.

Hand over can be mixed. It depends on the time of day, whether they KW is still working, how many children there are etc etc.

Sometimes they do need to move children up a room, or keep them in a room in order to manage the ratios. It's not ideal and I doubt they'd tell you that, but they are a business and one that is very poorly paid for the job they do.

I work in a nursery.

Your handover requests are our bare minimum.

His dietary requests are very easy.

We have one vegetarian and a very small kitchen and, when we make a vegetarian meal, we do extra and freeze so he has a meat free main to out with the same sides we have next time he’s in.

YANBU to expect a child care setting to care for your child. Part of this is a handover that fills you in with the bear minimum. I would also expect a baby to have a tapestry care diary completed

A meeting is the right way to go about resolving this. Not sure what you mean by "But I cannot believe the cheek." Cheek of what? Discussing your son's needs with you?

When you say "menu from January" do you mean you've asked them to provide details of every meal they gave him that month? Why not just say that he needs vegetarian food and no Quorn from now on please, and leave it there? Or are you also policing Eg baked beans for the sugar level etc?

Thehop - thank you for your message and reassurance. My husband and I have been talking and I'm going to speak to the nursery manger at the end of next week and let them know we are happy for him to move to the next room. It's almost like we as parents have no say and if we do raise anything I'm automatically classed as "difficult" .

I don't think YABU at all. My son is dairy free and the nursery provide an alternative and also have Alpro butter/yogurts/custard for snacks. He complained of a sore tummy every week on the same evening and nursery changed his menu so we could figure out if it was something in the food that day - they were very helpful.

I get a card each day listing what he's ate (it states the DF alternative used), what he did, nappy changes etc... We only address out of the ordinary things at handover as everything is on the card.

They 6 in a room

Seems strange too.

Point still stands, it s a waste of the nursery staff time to do a few minutes handover. That’s still half an hour for the “6 in a room” and more so if you multiply that over the whole nursery.

If only 6 in a room, moving up shouldn’t be a problem.

If your son doesn’t like quorn that’s tough. They don’t have to provide food he likes. DD hated a whole bunch of the nursery meals but was usually able to pick enough to keep her going.

YABVU to expect nursery meals to substitute for you not being available to provide balanced nutrition due to your work.

We're veggie but don't have DC yet. Young children should limit the amount of Quorn they eat, and it's a common allergen.

I really like quorn, but it's easy to do meals without it (mild) bean chillies, glamorgan sausages & mash, lentil bolognese and lentil cottage pie, jacket potatoes with cheesy beans etc, houmous and falafel wraps etc.

Can your DS eat other veggie substitutes like soy mince and tofu sausages? Or do all fake meats upset his stomach? Any other allergies?

It's almost like we as parents have no say

It sounds like a trust thing to me. We've never had any input into when ours moved up but I'm v confident it was done at the right time for them, and done with kindness.

My DS’s nursery has recently went vegetarian (no parents had any objections to this) and a vegan alternative is always provided. I know there are a few children with allergies/intolerances and these are catered for. On Mondays the menu for that week is posted on the nursery app.

Handovers always last a couple of minutes and I am informed of how his day has been, what he has been up to, what he had to eat, how much he ate, how long he slept for etc. This information is given as a matter of course and is not asked for by me.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. To be honest, the nursery doesn’t sound that great and I would not be pleased either.

You need a childminder.

Or a better nursery.

I worked in private day nurseries thirty years ago and we were offering vegetarian meals then.

Lots of veggie/ vegan people have problems with soya and Quorn so that shouldn’t be a problem.

Change over time was always a quick chat and daily diary. Nursery workers were given time after lunch to fill these in.

If you aren’t happy after the meeting you could get in touch with National Day Nurseries and ask for advice.

My DD is in a nursery and in the U2 room at the moment. In the morning I am asked a quick 'how is she/all ok this morning?' which takes seconds. At pick up I am given an A5 piece of paper that details her nap, nappies, what was given for snack, lunch and pudding and how much was eaten. It also lists the activities they've done, water table, music makers, babies or whatever. She will be moving up around Easter I think after turning 2 in March.

We don't have allergies or dietary requirements but the menu is up on a notice board and changes termly. Tea is served just after I collect and I see separate plates/bowls coming out with labels like no dairy, vegetarian etc.

Thank you Littlebluetruck

Your questions at pick up are the absolute basics which they should be telling you without you having to ask. My nursery give me a run through every day of what he's eaten, whether he ate well, any toilet accidents, what activities he's done. It takes about a minute as most of the info is on a whiteboard so they just rattle it off.

If your son has a food intolerance you need to make it clear to them, they have to accommodate it as it's a medical need. My son has multiple allergies and the nursery have never once complained. They have asked me to provide a few items but it's minimal.

I’d move your child.

I meant to add that in the over 2 room you don't get the paper diary, just a verbal hand over. Once they are in the pre-school room you only get a quick 'all ok' or 'can I have a quick word' if there's been something happen. In preparation for school where you don't get a handover at all, let alone a diary of food and how many times they've been to the toilet.

I don’t see why the morning drop off takes so long, mine is morning ChildOne, I help take her coat off and hang it up, I say bye to her. Only actually talk to the staff if say she’s just fallen and hurt her self while running in or something. They have an app for main bits during the day. At pick up I get a she had X for lunch ate it all/some. Loved playing in the garden/painted a few picture. Bye childOne see you X day.

Not sure veggie wise ours has a tiny tiny kitchen for a lot of children I wouldn’t say they would be able to actually ensure no cross contamination if they tried let alone have the space for a fully separate meal. Do have the options for pack lunches however.

You DO sound like hardwork. Do all parents demand "a few minutes" at drop off and pick up? How long is that going to take? Do people have to wait in line?

When I drop off my kid, I am rushing for work. I expect the staff to take care of the kids, I would be fuming to have to wait for 20 minutes for the parents who arrived first to go through "handover", and I wouldn't be too impressed either if the staff on site was too busy talking to the parents to take care of the kids.

Same for pick-up, is the staff expect to work

Even if it was only 6 kids in the nursery, at 5 minutes per child that's already half an hour of "handover".

So yes, definitively hard work.

Perfectly reasonable to refuse for your kids to eat Quorn or similar. I would not accept that horrible stuff for my own.

If there are only 6 children in the room it sounds like a very, very small nursery, therefore I can understand how they may be struggling to provide so many different types of meals for children. I don't think it would be unreasonable of them to have you supply your own meals for if they are unable to accommodate his dietary requirements however of course this would mean you should be charged slightly less for each day of care, as you wouldn't be paying for consumables. FWIW my nursery has just upped its consumables charge, which they say essentially just covers the three meals a day, to £6 a day for those benefiting from the free hours of childcare. Those of us paying full whack pay £49 a day for the care. My DD is vegetarian but has no allergies and there are lots of other vegetarian children in her nursery. It is a very large nursery though with a large, designated kitchen and two chefs. Therefore much easier for them to accommodate lots of individual dietary needs than a tiny nursery with a tiny kitchen.

Re handover, our morning handover isn't really a handover. The only thing we will say is there's been any problems e.g. illness, got up extra early, up a lot in the night, didn't eat much/any breakfast, been very emotional/in a bad mood this morning. 90% of the time none of that applies so it's literally just a hi, she's been fine, she had her nappy changed 20 minutes ago, bye. I can't see why any more than that would be necessary the vast majority of the time.

At collection the nursery staff provide us with a rough guide of how much was eaten of all her three meals and what those meals were, how long she slept and at what time, when her nappies were changed and if they were wet or soiled. They will sometimes mention one or two activities she has done in the day especially if she has really enjoyed something but not always. I think that's more than enough information and if I want to know anything specific I just ask and they are happy to oblige.

I should have said, my DD is 20months and just moved rooms the other week. When she started nursery the baby room went up to 2 yrs old but they changed the policy of this a few months ago. We were warned of this well in advance and were provided with a date when she would move to the next room months in advance. They then spent over a month gradually settling her into this new room. We had no 'say' in it - but I didn't feel we needed one. They are the experts and this and we trust them and she has adjusted perfectly fine.

Why do you think they are cheeky?

Why did they arrange a meeting?

Some of the things you are saying do make you sound a bit more intense than the usual parent. Eg a few minutes for handover in the morning is a lot. However they should be feeding him a vegetarian diet.