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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder how to support a child hates needles

36 replies

Doesntlooklikeanythingtome · 21/02/2020 13:37

I have a 7 year old and next week we have more hospital checks for her life long condition. She has multiple health issues and requires scans three times a year and other medical procedures. Next week will be drawing blood and also some other scans. The last time the nurse tried to put the numbing lotion on her hand she became very angry with kicking, hitting and screaming. She is bigger now and knows what will happen. I have tried explaining but she has an extreme reaction and rightly so as it hurts. She needs to have these tests, there is no way around it. It is traumatising for both of us and in the past she has had to be held so that canulas can be put in her hand. I used to put a cartoon video on my phone but she won't accept that anymore. What do you do? This isn't a one off, this is her life and it involves these checks at least once or twice a year, possibly more if her condition changes.

OP posts:
bebanjo · 21/02/2020 13:59

Ask the child what they think would help.
Ask your GP for advice.
Try relaxation cds with headphones.
Play out the oppontment at home, let them be the nurse.

negomi90 · 21/02/2020 14:05

Ask to be referred to the hospital play team. They're great at supporting children with fears of needles and procedures.

BrokenBrit · 21/02/2020 14:06

Play team for sure. They do wonders and can do work ahead of time through play with teddies and understanding the process and equipment. They also use distraction throughout the procedure on the day and are a great asset.

Damntheman · 21/02/2020 14:10

Definitely ask advice from the hospital. I'd probably also attempt to offer my child an incentive for 'bravery'. If they can be brave and endure this, then we'll do X thing that they super want to do after. Or they get X thing they'd like after.

It's tough, needles hurt even if you're not afraid of them. I have to have regular IV lines and I'm not afraid of them but it's still not comfortable. I understand your 7 year old perfectly. Definitely work together with your child to try to make a strategy that will work for her.

PowerslidePanda · 21/02/2020 14:12

Offer her a treat to look forward to once she's done? A magazine, or a cake at the hospital cafe or something?

Just to reassure you a bit - I was that child, and it got easier the more it happened. I remember being in year 7 at school and having the meningitis jab - most kids were getting anxious and upset about it - especially as it was the first vaccination anyone had had without their parents present - and I was completely unphased by it!

LochJessMonster · 21/02/2020 14:19

I had a severe fear of needles when I was younger. Use to pass out every time.
My parents used bribery. They wouldn't tell me I was having the vaccination until we were on our way, so that I didn't spend hours working myself up. Then I was promised a meal out/takeaway after.

Sounds stupid, but the way I got through was to start lying down, cover my head with a jumper and hold my mums hand!

I did kinda grow out of it, still can't watch injections etc as I get queasy and would probably still be terrified of having an injection but as I've grown up I've realised they are necessary so I have to put up with it.

Of course, your poor daughters situation is much worse and I really really sympathise- both with her, and you, as it must have been really hard on my mum to watch me get so hysterical.

Poing · 21/02/2020 14:22

Similar situation and similar age here. It has gotten better with time. We remain factual and calm, and never dismiss their experience of pain. Hiding the pain of a procedure from a child makes it worse, IMO, and decreases trust, so we work with dealing with the pain if and when it occurs (ie: wriggling toes, counting aloud to twenty, roaring like a lion when it gets bad and, of course, distraction).

We always explain that it needs to be done and DC can make as much noise as they want/cry when the blood is being drawn/cannula is being inserted, but they do have to hold still. The more they wriggle, the more it hurts and the longer it takes. No kicking or hurting others, either. Definitely not allowed.

We have reached the point where we no longer have to hold DC down. We get through it easier every time now, which is great. There is hope!

Afterwards, DC gets rewarded with something small and inexpensive (eg: toy, lolly). They get to pick it beforehand if they think of it, or decide what they want during the procedure. If it is a particularly long and/or traumatising procedure, we go somewhere special after or do something special when they feel up to it (cinema, indoor play center, a McDonald's meal, visit to a special museum etc).

It is not easy, OP, but it does get easier once you find things that work for you. And don't discount that it is hard for you as a parent. Seeing your child experience pain and holding them day is awful. Reward yourself too after these sessions. Chocolate and a nice tipple at night ☺

Best of luck. Keep us updated to see how you go.

Poing · 21/02/2020 14:24

Down, not day

UpTheLaganInABubble · 21/02/2020 14:25

My daughter was like this until they used a numbing spray instead of the cream, which numbed the area completely. She was still anxious after that but let them do it without fighting, and we now have a can of the spray at home to bring with us to each appointment. It made a huge difference for her.

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 21/02/2020 14:27

DS1 one was like this, and unfortunately has cystic fibrosis and CF-related diabetes.

Give her lots of reassurance.

SinkGirl · 21/02/2020 14:29

I have a terrible needle phobia too which started in childhood and it is awful. One of mine needs frequent blood tests but he’s much younger

Would it help to apply the emla cream and dressing yourself at home? Maybe even let her do it herself with your help? Much less stressful than letting a nurse do it and then having to wait, knowing what’s coming.

Friends of mine have recommended a Buzzy for the next time
www.buzzy4shots.co.uk/BuzzyShop.html

HauntedDolls · 21/02/2020 14:39

Can they put a screen up so she can't see and at the same time put her fav song on YouTube and sing the lyrics loudly with her for distraction, let her have a slushie or ice cream as the coldness detracts the senses from other areas.

Witchend · 21/02/2020 14:43

I've a friend who is a school nurse who has done therapy with children with needle phobia.

LonginesPrime · 21/02/2020 14:49

I have a teen with needle phobia and her psychologist recommended exposure therapy - there are videos on YouTube that might help.

But I'd speak to her doctor or psychologist first in case she's too young for this.

ddraigygoch · 21/02/2020 16:23

I screamed and fought and battered Doctors and Nurses. My Dad still talks about the time it took 6 medical staff to pin me down. I think he was more traumatised than me.
As an adult I almost passed out from hyperventilating.

Honestly for me nothing can make it better. Just get it over. Hold down and get it done ASAP.

Hoik · 21/02/2020 16:27

Play team.

Last time DS needed bloods done they got him to sit sideways on my knee with his arm around my back like he was giving me a hug. I cuddled him and the man from the play team chatted, blew bubbles, and showed him a magic trick that he could join in with using his free hand. While all of this was going on the two nurses behind us got his blood out with him barely even noticing until it was all done.

Batqueen · 21/02/2020 16:28

I had a terrible phobia and now have T1 diabetes. I think what would have helped me would if people would have stopped pretending that it didn’t hurt badly and explain properly, in an age appropriate but scientific way to me why it was hurting me so badly (ie because I was terrified and tensing up!) Needles barely hurt me at all now because I know that I must relax and the science behind that. If they hadn’t treated me like a dumb kid making a fuss we would have got there a lot faster. (Not saying that’s what you are doing but that’s often the attitude towards kids like this)

Batqueen · 21/02/2020 16:32

And I should add that I have terrible veins and poor circulation so there are exceptions to the ‘not hurting me much’ but the difference between pain levels and when I was younger are astonishing!

RUOKHUN · 21/02/2020 17:06

Another one for the play team.
If she’s a regular, they can do de-sensitisation with her. For example, you might not need bloods each time you go to the hospital, but maybe you sit in the phlebotomy chair. And then work up to putting cream on. Then getting the needle out. So slowly build it up!

HRoosevelt · 21/02/2020 17:10

If you have no joy with the play specialist team, I would ask to be referred to camhs for needle desensitisation

AriadnesFilament · 21/02/2020 17:17

Potentially the paeds outpatient play therapists, but tbh a referral to CAMHS by her care team for a psychologist who specifically works with kids with lifelong conditions and medical anxiety to help her work through it and come up with coping strategies.

In the short term you knight try asking for a pre-med to get her through the upcoming appointment without further trauma (fellow parent of child with lifelong condition and medical anxiety)

Babdoc · 21/02/2020 17:20

Child patients can panic and think the Ametop cream isn’t working because they still have the sensation of touch - it’s only pain that is blocked.
They’re expecting the needle to hurt, so the gentle blunt touch feeling as the needle contacts the skin freaks them out.
I always got them to look the other way and give me a big cough just as I was about to insert the cannula.
The distraction, and focusing on the cough, meant they didn’t notice the cannula going in.
I always kept things very calm and matter of fact too - no building it up into a big deal or telling them they’d been brave. If you make it a minor routine thing it doesn’t become a big terrifying event.
My own two DC were fine with immunisations etc from the age of 2, and politely thanked the GP afterwards (much to her amazement!).
I once had to cannulate my own 4 year old for an IV infusion when she was seriously dehydrated with d and v - she was ok with it, as I didn’t make a fuss about it.

Doesntlooklikeanythingtome · 21/02/2020 17:22

Thanks for all the comments, really helpful. It’s a tough one raising a child with health issues. I’m processing the comments and getting mentally ready for next week. Thanks again :)

OP posts:
echobench · 21/02/2020 17:23

Many good points here. Definitely the spray. My DD found the numbing cream stressful in itself because there's the anticipation of what's coming. Plenty treats. A nice snack, and also a wanted toy (sticker book, doll's clothes, nothing too massive or you'll be bankrupt). Good luck.

echobench · 21/02/2020 17:25

Also I would always praise her for her bravery in accepting the needle. She'd say "But I cried." I'd say "It's ok to cry if something hurts. The main thing is that you let them do it because you knew it was important."