This is pretty brief and I am trying to be as balanced as possible...
My mum is a narcassist, it took me years to really have the penny drop but my whole life she put me in the shadows and put herself very much first (but yes, she took me to stately homes!)
I left around age 16, a bad choice but I just wanted out. I had a massively failed marriage at 18-25, at the beginning of which my mum gave me £25,000 to buy a house. She never let me forget it (would even call my children scroungers when she was in a bad mood, and said she subsidised us). On the other hand, she paid all my sisters student loans, paid a chunk of a 40-50k wedding (mine was £200 and she didn't even let me wear a wedding dress). I always tried to be less of a burden on my mum, but my ex was utterly useless and often left us in deby which mum bailed us out of alot. But I always got the sense that she sort of kept me just afloat, like in a cage. When I left him to a refuge, she got mad for something a month later and told him where I was. When I made some friends, she reported me to social services because they were not white british. But in other ways, she gave me alot of help.
My ex did not want me to have the house, so it was agreed that he would get 15,000 and the house was to be put in my mums name (between me and my mum she agreed to give it back once I could get a mortgage as I was a student). A while later she kicked me out of it, saying her mortgage company did not allow family members to live there meaning instead of paying her £300 mortgage, I had to pay £1200 to rent another house. She pocketed the profit for 5 years. I told her several times I was ready to buy it back (I signed over all the equity to her) and she kept being vague about it all. I eventually found out she sold it, at a loss but still took the £100,000 equity for herself. At this time I was living in a homeless B & B and lost my oldest children to the same ex mainly due to instability of housing. She did not need the money, she owns three houses and I found out at the same time she appears to be sending chunks of money to a man in Thailand and also saw a message telling my sister when the money comes through from the house, she would take them both on a spa weekend to destress etc.
Part of me thinks... well she gave me the deposit, had to bail my ex out alot and was probably fed up of it all, but on the other hand she has given me far far less than my sister, habitually lied (sort of kept me on a string full of promises rather than letting me just go and live my life) alongside her nasty behaviour (calling my son a bloody half caste, reporting me an random to SS when she doesn't get her way, threatening me with sterilisation or sectioning when she's having one of her episodes and even lying about my grandads funeral because she didn't want me to bring my child)
So, who was wrong? I have cut her off now because she was like a huge cloud on my life and I was tired of living in fear (she would ring anyone and everyone such as refuge staff (who said she was abusive), my lecturers, any partners or their family) and this backstab was the final straw (shes an ex high up health professional and says she can get access to my medical records etc). The whole time I was homeless she didn't give me any support (I specifically mean emotional) - she would come to my town to do work and wouldn't even tell me. I asked her only for some white fabric she had in her loft (for years) to go around my bed as I was sharing a room with 4 children at the time and she said it was too good for me and she might need it. I said it wouldn't be cut (and she paid £1 a meter for it in a sale) and she just kept saying how good quality it was and she didn't want me to have it. She also makes my children sleep on air beds at her home with old wool blankets as her beds and bedding are too good for us. Sorry, rambling now, but what's MN opinion?