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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with my childminder?

28 replies

Ilovemyboy · 04/09/2007 21:22

DS (9mths) has been going to the childminders for 2 days a week for about 6 weeks now. Everything has been going well and I think that DS has adapted quite well to being left with her although does stick his bottom lip out sometimes when I drop him off in the morning which is perfectly normal. There have been no problems up until today.

DS' top teeth are coming through and he is really whingey as expected. I told her this this morning and said that she can be liberal with the Calpol as he had been really suffering yesterday and was up all night last night. According to his book she had only given him 2.5ml of Calpol all day so you can imagine what sort of day they had both had.

Because of Tube strikes I was late (for the first time ever) picking him up and let her know beforehand to which she said she would charge me for it which I agreed was understandable. When I got there I was only 20 mins late and she looked really frazzled and knackered. She went on about DS needing cuddles all day and not having much sleep and remarked on how it was a good job that she didn't have the other little boy that she looks after this week because if she did then she wouldn't be able to look after the other boy AND cuddle DS all day which I thought was unfair. It makes me wonder if she is coping well with DS (who I have to admit is v.boisterous and doesn't sit still for a minute - like most 9mth old inquisitive babies). He is a little baby and his teething his inevitable. She should have known when she took him on that stuff like this was going to happen.

She then went on to tell me that she had to tell her 16yo son that she couldn't pick him up from football practice so he had to walk home and that if it was the night she had her osteopaths appt then I would have had to have paid for it because she would have been charged for it had she missed it - so really laying it on thick because I was late. I was really apologetic and felt really bad but told her that I did everything to get there on time.

What do you think about this? I have come away feeling a bit pissed off tbh. I am considering putting him in a nursery. I think it will be better for him being around a lot of children and being a bit more stimulated.

OP posts:

binkleandflip · 04/09/2007 21:25

nursery aside - sounds like she'd had 'a bad day at the office' so to speak (happens in all careers I suppose) and was taking it out a bit too liberally on you.

If you are happy apart from today I'd let it go if you can, if not, move ds to nursery if you think it best.

bohemianbint · 04/09/2007 21:34

Wow, I'd be pissed off too. Is she a bit funny generally? I don't think I'd be happy if she was so inflexible, you never know what's going to happen with kids.

beansprout · 04/09/2007 21:38

It's not very practical of her to book appts so close to the end of the working day that she has to cancel them if someone is 30 mins late. These things do happen.

PippiLangstrump · 04/09/2007 21:41

you have every right to be pissed off. she had a bad day okay but who's fault is it? The boy is 9months old and teething, she should know this will happen. and re being late with this tube strike she should be happy you managed to get there at all.

I snap like this at DH soemtimes, but hey that's what's he's there for.

If it's nly two of them and if she does not seem to manage and you afre not at ease change, maybe anursery.

my childminder is goos becasue they have more children so plenty of stimulation there.

tori32 · 04/09/2007 21:42

I am a childminder and would not react so severely to a parent who was late as a one off, only if it was a regular occurence. However, if your ds appears to be happy I don't think a rash decision to move him to nursery is the answer. The ration there is 2 :5 babies to staff so no better quality attention. Also childminders are actually more stimulating at that age because the baby gets lots of changes of scene, whereas in a nursery its one room. She should be taking him to different activities daily. If this is not the case then ask her why? If she does not give a suitable explanation I would look for a better childminder and check the OFSTED report before signing a contract. Any good one will be happy to show you their latest report.

Elasticwoman · 04/09/2007 21:45

It's not your fault there was a strike, and the bit about the 16 year old getting himself home was a pathetic moan. At 16 a person should not be depending on Mummy to ferry them about, esp if Mummy is trying to earn a living.

Having said all that, yes she is in the wrong but it may just be a one-off moan. Sounds like she's new to childminding.

lucykate · 04/09/2007 21:49

really out of order for her to chuck in comments about if she had missed her appointment she'd still have to pay for it. that is totally irrelevant, she didn't miss it!.

btw, if he's teething, i found baby nurofen more effective than calpol, helps reduce any swelling of the gums better.

hoolagirl · 04/09/2007 21:52

Give her a car seat and she can take him with her?

chankins · 04/09/2007 21:52

She should expect days like that with a teething baby! If anything as a c/minder you are even more attentive, give more cuddles, distractions etc when a child is feeling sad or poorly, as you know all they really want is their mum. I had a little boy who was in pain teething for nearly a yr, bless him, yes it was hard work, but I felt me and his mum battled thru it together, and yes it is hard work that can leave you frazzled on bad days, but as a professional you shouldn't make the parent feel bad about it! As for the late thing, I also think her reaction was OTT and unreasonable. If a parent is consistently late then its fair to charge, but I think you should allow for strikes, traffic etc, its not the parents fault, and if it only happens once in a while then no, I don't charge, its all part of the job. Have a chat with her, I would. If this has happened so soon, there could be other situations that arise where she annoys you. Poss check out other minders who look after lots of kids so he has more company. Experience counts for a lot, cause they should have seen and heard it all before!

tori32 · 04/09/2007 21:56

On the teething front Ashton and Parsons Teething powders are herbal and very effective. She may have been uneasy about administering medicines because they must be agreed at each administration by the parent first. So she would have had to ring you each time she gave it and perhaps felt you wouldn't want to be disturbed every time. These powders do not have to be recorded as they are not drugs.

Genidef · 04/09/2007 21:58

I guess it would be rash to dump her after one incident like this, but I would be tempted to look around for other options, just in case. I think her reaction was over the top and personally I find working and trying to deal with childcare stressful enough, the last thing I would want is some stress merchant making things worse. She really got herself worked up - and about things that didn't even happen FGS!

Maybe her son's wingeing got her going.

Original poster

Ilovemyboy · 04/09/2007 21:58

Thanks guys.

She has been childminding for years. She picks up a 10yr old girl from school who she has been looking after since she was 6mo. She has a million good references and is generally pleasant and bubbly hence why I chose her.

Makes me think that it is just my boy she is struggling to cope with

Tori - I do actually agree with you about cms and babies. She hasn't taken DS to any clubs yet because she says that they have been closed down for the holidays. He tends to play in her house and if it is warm outside she lets him play in the garden. God I bet he is so bored. I know that if I keep DS in all day it is hard work keeping him entertained. I have to take him out somewhere every day.

I am really pissed off. Feel bad that DS has to go back there on Thursday and he will probably be hard work for her again as he will be still teething badly.

OP posts:

bozza · 04/09/2007 21:59

The problem with putting him in a nursery - in our area at least - is that they are not allowed to administer calpol, neurofen etc.

bozza · 04/09/2007 22:00

I would give it a few more weeks and see how they go on once they are settled into the termtime routine. You know he will have to go out of the house at least twice a day if she has a school age child to see to.

tori32 · 04/09/2007 22:06

to be honest I haven't been to any clubs much over the holidays because they are closed but I have been on lots of outings to local parks, farms etc. Also I do art and craft etc even at that age.

Original poster

Ilovemyboy · 04/09/2007 22:07

I have asked DP to have a chat with her as he will be dropping DS off and picking him up on Thurs. I feel a bit chicken asking him to do it but I hate confrontation and he is much better at getting his point across than I am.

Parsons powders are good. We have been using the Boots camomila ones which have been quite effective but both have only really treated minor teething pain. For full-on teething pain then I find we have no option but to put him on the hard stuff. Medised at night and Calpol during the day. Will try the baby nurofen. Thanks for tips.

OP posts:

Shoshable · 04/09/2007 22:09

tori you do Arts and crafts cos you like making a mess

when having cornflour and water she ended up more of a mess than the kids

Original poster

Ilovemyboy · 04/09/2007 22:11

Tori - DS hasn't been anywhere apart from to the local school and back in the back of the cms car.

OP posts:

tori32 · 04/09/2007 22:12

shos where did you spring from!!! cheeky mooo! Nearly time for me to turn to dust. Wonder if my swim suit still fits?

bozza · 04/09/2007 22:12

Bit of a shame she doesn't walk to the school.

tori32 · 04/09/2007 22:13

Thats poor show, no excuse Lazy, could go on. gives good ones a bad name la de da de da........

Shoshable · 04/09/2007 22:15

As you may of guessed Tori and I see alot of each other (Pleeeaase Tori make sure the swimsuit fits tomorrow DO NOT want to see that much of you)

We go every week to a soft play on a Tuesday, Swimming Wednesday Children's Centre play on a Thursday as well as outings to farms etc. God I would go mad stuck in doors everyday.

tori32 · 04/09/2007 22:17

Me too!

tori32 · 04/09/2007 22:18

Are the two with spaces def coming with us as not spoke to G yet?

Shoshable · 04/09/2007 22:19

C def has a space I only have two, so we should be fine Oh and R is def coming.

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