To think most people don’t really care about mental illness?

[reynholmindustries]

Bloody Facebook sorry ... I’m being bombarded last few days with stuff about being kind, talking about mental health etc .

Last year about this time I took a breakdown.
Picked up by my university security when I had a very public panic attack, sedated by a GP a few times, taken to A&E by police after self harming, suicidal thoughts, housebound for a few months . I lost contact with most of my friends and family - family were very unsupportive/clueless and offered help then never followed up on it, friends just stopped talking to me . I had a close circle of friends - all NHS/social care staff (I worked for the nhs) and they’ve all pretty much gone . One or two messages that were quite rude eg ‘oh, have you finally decided to get better then?’

I am better now - a bit - I’ve had a lot of help from my GP and now see a psychiatrist, on medication etc which helps me a lot .

Same friends that have left me are now posting endless stuff about being kind, phoning Samaritans etc .. fixing their crowns and posting selfies .. and it feels so very hypocritical. And I feel more alone than ever, as I’ve been totally ignored , not tagged once but apparently this isn’t offensive as I’m not ‘fun’ . No, perhaps I’m not always fun but I’ve been feeling bloody horrendous and I could do with a hug or a smile . I’m still me .

Sibling is autistic with learning difficulties, and my stepbrother has schizophrenia and I can see it the same for both of them ... nobody wants to know if it can’t be glamourised, if it’s not instagram friendly for example . That sounds terrible but I’m not sure how else to phrase it !

These are friends I’ve helped through divorce, illness, weddings, babies - I’ve always gone out of my way to help them when I can . One even messaged a few weeks ago to tell me how worried she was about something ... not even a ‘how’s you’ first .

I’ve deleted Facebook tonight but feel like I should feel guilty for that somehow . Just feel so frustrated and alone, with everything and this felt like the last straw in some ways .

Yeah I know exactly what you mean. It's doing my head in at the moment people asking "have you tried the meditation app" or "have you tried doing yoga" or "maybe it would help if you cut down on caffeine" if I mention my life long anxiety and insomnia, and at the moment "have you tried reaching out to someone?"

Ffs. Never thought of any of that. And nor have any of the specialists therapists counsellors etc. I've seen over the years.

People are generally cunts. Life gets easier once you realise this and act accordingly

I'm not even on Facebook ! It's still getting my goat

Ffs. Never thought of any of that. And nor have any of the specialists therapists counsellors etc. I've seen over the years

How would you like people to respond then? I would have thought people suggest those things in an effort to be helpful with good intentions. If specialist therapists can’t help you then why on earth would you expect untrained people to be able to help? I’m just saying that whilst it’s not unreasonable to expect empathy and support, you can’t expect lay people to know about the complexities of mental health issues. They probably think they’re helping by suggesting relaxation apps etc.

What response would you prefer?

What really puzzles me is why our mental health is so bad. I don't know if there's any proper research going on into this.

YADNBU!!!!

I had awful panic attacks and anxiety around 9 years ago. A lot of my friends ‘dropped’ me - I think mostly people didn’t know what to say or do, so they just stopped getting in touch. I moved on and found happiness again but I am sick to death of the hypocrisy around mental health that I have read this week especially from some of those ‘friends’ on social media. It’s all for likes and they shouldn’t be using a tragedy like that which happened on the weekend as click bait.

Totally agree, it is irritating the hell out of me. I have suffered with MH difficulties and I'm also autistic. I'm finding this current rhetoric very hypocritical and making me want to rage at many people. There are some being naively and intentionally upsetting, but some are just irritating, hypocritical, self congratulating twats.

My dad suffered with his mental health all his life and he took his own life 11 years ago. As the family dealing with it, it is hard going. It’s constant and unfortunately can be mentally draining on those around you. I whole heartily loved my dad and would have done anything to stop him doing what he did, but honestly when he was well he was wonderful but when he was ill he was horrendous. I know his mental illness wasn’t who he was but his illness took away years of my childhood. I was there for my dad every time and he tried his hardest to push us all away and there were days where I would ignore his calls because my own mental health couldn’t take it but yes all these Facebook posts are driving me insane because tackling mental health isn’t as simple as being kind.

@KenDodd there’s a lot to suggest ‘modern life’ is a big factor. More stresses - more to ‘want’, fear of failure, diet.

Most people don’t grasp the difference between mental health and mental illness. The sameness sort of people who organise workplace mindfulness sessions show little compassion for people living with serious mental illness such as schizophrenia. In fact, they’re probably not even in their radar. I feel we’ve probably talked more than enough about mental health. People know what they should do, in the same way they should do if they’re overweight or unfit. If people aren’t prepared to engage with the severe life-altering misery that is mental illness, they should STFU about the bloody Calm app...

I think social media is a big cause of mental health problems. I stay away from Facebook (have an account in case I ever need to contact someone but don't log in), never had Instagram etc. I think the whole fake online personas and instagrammable lives seen on SM, make people feel that they're missing out, they're not good enough, and I think creating those online lives makes people shallow and self centred because they live for the camera.

@Russellbrandshair

Don't always need a response. Especially when it comes as an email filled with clicky links when all I've done is say something like "I'm so tired" after yawning and then get the "oh are you not sleeping" "no but I've always been an insomniac"

Roo07 I identify with a lot of what you say. I have a sister who has severe mental health problems, and whilst I understand that her illness is partly to blame, it is difficult to cope with the issues that come with it, and the refusal to accept help. Which is ironic, because my sister is deeply critical of...people with mental health problems who refuse to accept help. It's utterly draining and sometimes all I want to do is walk away forever. But I don't.

@user1470132907

I think these mental health apps have a lot to answer for really. Most people with MH issues need to feel some social connection, not be redirected to a bloody app. I want people to laugh with, cry with, share our bleeding hearts and messy minds and our quirks and dysfunctional coping strategies and bare our souls. Not a voice telling me to pay attention to my breathing.

I feel we’ve probably talked more than enough about mental health. People know what they should do, in the same way they should do if they’re overweight or unfit

I agree with this so much.

yeah I know exactly what you mean.

all those friends I was there for through their tough times, where were they when I needed them?

now all I see is them posting MH awareness shit all over FB, and things like "I'm always here for you"(like and share) ect

The only thing I have posted is this meme

It's not that most people don’t really care about mental illness, they do. The same way they care about breast cancer, heart disease IBS and dementia.

That is, they recognise that it's important and they think something should be done, but by HCPs. Most people are completely unqualified to deal with mental illness, just as they are unqualified to deal with cancer and dementia.

Society can educate, inform and implement precautionary measures, but like most illnesses, cure requires a HCP working with scientific evidence.

I've come to the conclusion that this happens because, when faced with another person's actual real life destablisation, they are scared/embarrassed/unsure of what to do for the best. Sometimes the person does not need fixing, they need to fix themselves but in the meantime, they need to:
Vent irrationally without ever referring to it again
Cry uncontrollably and never speak of it again
Be negative without justification or correction
Be reassured repeatedly
Need a hug and a shoulder
Need to live a judgement free existence

Just like people who cross the street because someone close to you has died, they don't want to put themselves in the position of being on the receiving end of your emotion.

It is crap, isolating and almost encourages agoraphobia.
All these be kind, depression is..etc memes and tomes are bullshit. They feel better for sharing and liking but never involving themselves.

I think the problem is that we ate all completely zapped by it all, in season I see so many staff but I am so fed up of the messages and conversations about what people can and cant do because of their issues panic attacks , anxiety , bipolar, OCD, schizophrenia every day is another drama , true mental health problems I will do anything I can to help with bit seriously everyone has major issues . Life is hard for everyone but people now require a diagnosis for everything (possibly explains why no free gp appointments ) my on going favourite if getting the bus for early morning school run is my child has adhd excellent but have you discussed with gp their diet as every day this week for breakfast I've wat had you give them a can of Pepsi and a bag of haribo ( due to the having sensory issues with food of course not just lazy parenting )

Totally agree with the OP. In the just a few times I've tried to reach out to people when I've been feeling lonely or depressed they've either hung up on me, told me I'm being silly and got lots going for me, and never followed up next day, even a 'are you feeling a bit better today?' would have been nice. Can quite understand poor Caroline Flack's remark about her friend accusing her of being 'draining'. Most people don't give a fuck, even people who are supposed to be your friends.

Recently experienced with hospital "we provide autism support". Same hospital "Please sit quietly and stop making a fuss. No you cannot go and sit somewhere else. No we don't have a quiet space. No you can't put the lights off...why are you shouting?"

People dont understand it unless they have been through it themselves tbh. I didn't talk to my friends when i had mh issues as it was frustrating for me. They wanted to give advice but its not that simple. What people need is to be listened to. Really listening is actually a tricky skill. Its far too easy to try to relate with your own stories or try to find a solution. I went to a counsellor as they are impartial and really listen - for a long period of time. Most people get tired of listening to peoples problems or get frustrated that their friend can't just get over it.

What another pp said ... there are soooo many different causes worthy of attention. I myself, deal with mental health daily. My brother owns a company who has recently started to raise money for mental health following Caroline flack committing suicide. He himself, also deals with mental health. It's not that he doesn't care about me, or himself it's that now there is an actual awareness rightly or wrongly and it starts to resonate with people. I don't see it as 'what about me?' I see it as finally people are starting to see the effects of it and the more awareness the better. That can only be a good thing and if people are starting to acknowledge it about someone they will you eventually, the penny will start to drop, and that's great.

Sometimes if it doesn't directly affect you, it takes a little while. But any awareness is a positive.

Get off social media!!

Rosspoldark as a young widow I think your post is spot on