Bloody Facebook sorry ... I’m being bombarded last few days with stuff about being kind, talking about mental health etc .
Last year about this time I took a breakdown.
Picked up by my university security when I had a very public panic attack, sedated by a GP a few times, taken to A&E by police after self harming, suicidal thoughts, housebound for a few months . I lost contact with most of my friends and family - family were very unsupportive/clueless and offered help then never followed up on it, friends just stopped talking to me . I had a close circle of friends - all NHS/social care staff (I worked for the nhs) and they’ve all pretty much gone . One or two messages that were quite rude eg ‘oh, have you finally decided to get better then?’
I am better now - a bit - I’ve had a lot of help from my GP and now see a psychiatrist, on medication etc which helps me a lot .
Same friends that have left me are now posting endless stuff about being kind, phoning Samaritans etc .. fixing their crowns and posting selfies .. and it feels so very hypocritical. And I feel more alone than ever, as I’ve been totally ignored , not tagged once but apparently this isn’t offensive as I’m not ‘fun’ . No, perhaps I’m not always fun but I’ve been feeling bloody horrendous and I could do with a hug or a smile . I’m still me .
Sibling is autistic with learning difficulties, and my stepbrother has schizophrenia and I can see it the same for both of them ... nobody wants to know if it can’t be glamourised, if it’s not instagram friendly for example . That sounds terrible but I’m not sure how else to phrase it !
These are friends I’ve helped through divorce, illness, weddings, babies - I’ve always gone out of my way to help them when I can . One even messaged a few weeks ago to tell me how worried she was about something ... not even a ‘how’s you’ first .
I’ve deleted Facebook tonight but feel like I should feel guilty for that somehow . Just feel so frustrated and alone, with everything and this felt like the last straw in some ways .