Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel insulted

31 replies

HerRoyalFattyness · 20/02/2020 18:16

I saw my rheumatologist today because of suspected arthritis. I already have a diagnosis of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.

As I've taken pain killers and anti-inflammatories... my joints aren't swollen so they can't tell. Basically they don't know.
My rheumatoid factor in my blood is borderline, and x-ray didn't pick up much, but they want repeat bloods as they think I have a fatty liver and accused me of drinking excessively (I don't bloody drink at all!)
And they've booked an MRI to see if that picks up anything.

But she asked me repeatedly how much I drink, and asked if I was sure when I said I don't. I can't with the medication I'm on for other stuff anyway, even if I wanted to. But I don't!

And I certainly don't look like a heavy drinker (I know that may get some flack, but my 2 of my uncles are alcoholic and ones partner is too. One uncle and partner are in recovery. The other isn't. You can definitely tell a heavy drinker) I'm 28 and actually don't think I look too bad! (If anyone wants to advance search me there's a thread started by me in style and beauty which has a photo of me)

It was her insistence that I must be drinking that upset me.
I categorically do not. I've seen the problems drinking can cause alone and while on medication. I've seen it almost kill one uncle, and I'm watching another uncle drink his life away.
So AIBU to feel insulted?

I know in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal, but I'm now dreading my next appointment and feeling like my issues will just be palmed off as being due to alcohol which is fundamentally not true.

OP posts:
veryvery · 20/02/2020 18:25

If I recall correctly, I think I saw somewhere, you can get fatty liver from too much fructose. It's in fruit juices in high quantities and anything with High Density Corn Syrup in.

Iooselipssinkships · 20/02/2020 18:25

Fatty liver disease can be caused by a whole host of reasons as opposed to drinking. This is why the diagnosis NAFLD (non alcoholic fatty liver disease) exists. It can be down to losing weight too quickly, certain medications or infections, high blood sugar etc... so them not to believe you isn't fair.
I have it but I lost a lot of weight within a very quicktime frame due to stress and trauma. I also got the side eye when I said I don't drink alcohol so I understand where you're coming from, but to say they don't even know of it's that for sure is also unfair.

Campurp · 20/02/2020 18:28

Op, I’d be a little annoyed if someone insisted that I was a drinker/heavy drinker as well. I also have a number of people with alcoholism in my family and would hate the idea of being that way.

She was probably just doing her job and didn’t mean to offend.

Riverviews · 20/02/2020 18:33

I've also read about the link between fructose / sugar/ refined carbs and fatty liver

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 20/02/2020 18:36

I'm glad I'm not just being sensitive.
My mum has fatty liver too, recently diagnosed, and she was asked if she drank alcohol but they didn't push when she said no.
I know they have to ask the question, but she was adamant I must drink "not even a little bit?"
Not at all. I don't touch the stuff.

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 20/02/2020 18:38

I had signs of a fatty liver they questioned my "drinking" I said I didn't drink the dr said really? Ok I assume those readings are anomalous test again in ten weeks time to make sure

punanddusted · 20/02/2020 18:41

I'd be annoyed, maybe not insulted. Reply with a hoity toity "as I've told you, I don't drink, and having seen the effects of alcoholism on loved ones I can assure you that yes, I'm definitely sure about that" + meanest stare you can muster.

Dontdisturbmenow · 20/02/2020 18:52

I don't drink any alcohol either and never have. I do get the question asked a few times when I have check up with the nurse, or meet a new doctor.

I've never taken it that it is because they suspect that I drink too much, only that it's quite uncommon for doctors to see people who don't drink alcohol at all, and there is a greater chance of someone drinking too much denying it than someone never having any alcohol at all.

youwereagoodcakeclyde · 20/02/2020 19:04

You cannot tell from looking at someone how many units they drink.

You don’t need to be an alcoholic to have a fatty liver.

Lots of people downplay how much they drink to their Dr.

They couldn’t have known it would upset you to think of your uncles.

They didn’t put it down to your drinking, they organised an MRI to investigate further!

YABU

trinity0097 · 20/02/2020 19:07

I cured my fatty liver in a few months by following a low crap report high fat diet. It’s caused by excess sugars if you aren’t excessively drinking!

trinity0097 · 20/02/2020 19:08

Low carb, high fat that should say!

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 20/02/2020 19:10

I wasn't aware of the sugar connection.
I am definitely a sugar fiend. And I am obese, which I know does not help at all.

I've never tried low carb. I'm not even sure where to start.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 20/02/2020 19:13

youwereagoodcakeclyde

I know you can't tell how many units someone drinks by looking at them. But there are definitely signs of heavy drinking in someone's appearance.

And I didn't say they had put anything down to alcohol consumption, I said I was concerned that they will put it down to that if MRI doesn't show anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 20/02/2020 19:15

Also Lots of people downplay how much they drink to their Dr.

Do they? Why?

I'm autistic and really can't understand why they'd lie? What is the point in it? Surely being truthful means you get the correct support?

OP posts:
youwereagoodcakeclyde · 20/02/2020 19:45

Some of the reason to lie is they don’t want to be advised to reduce or stop. Sometimes they are in denial. Some alcoholics are very secretive. They may not want people to know as they will be judged as having poor self control. You felt it was an insult to have been questioned about it, it’s likely worse being questioned about it if it is true (whether you want to stop or not).

ALongHardWinter · 20/02/2020 19:51

I understand your annoyance OP. When I was diagnosed with hypertension 21 years ago, I kept being asked if I was a heavy drinker! No I wasn't,never had been and still not one now. Essential hypertension (hypertension that has no real medical cause) runs in my family,6 close family members have it and none of them are/were heavy drinkers.

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 20/02/2020 19:52

It wasn't the initial question I found insulting. It was the insistence when I said I didn't drink, numerous times, that I must drink even if "it's just a couple of glasses a week"

Oh, so some people seem to think there's no issue with their drinking? That makes sense.
My uncles have always been very open about their drinking and freely admit there's a problem, even the one who still drinks knows he has a problem. He just doesn't want to quit. He enjoys his life.

OP posts:
MitziK · 20/02/2020 20:19

Don't sweat it. I got the same initially in my 20s and early 30s. Seems that women can't function with EDS and Autoimmune Diseases without chucking back the wine of an evening in the eyes of some doctors.

These days, any rare 'Are you sure?' responses get a Very Hard Stare and a ''Yes, I'm sure'.

bilboraggins · 20/02/2020 20:30

My rheumatologist asked me if I used cocaine- he had the good graces to look embarrassed and assured me they had to ask everyone with my condition. I found it mildly amusing just because it couldn't be further from my lifestyle (not that I think abusing cocaine is amusing- hopefully you understand what I mean)

I think on the whole they just have a script and sadly I think for many reasons people lie to medical professionals all the time for lots of reasons, Shane guilt etc. Ultimately they will just be trying to look after you as best they can. Hope you are ok though, nothing worse when you feel a bit vulnerable

redexpat · 20/02/2020 20:33

Most people lie about alcohol consumption. And lots of people drink a lot of alcohol.

EKGEMS · 20/02/2020 20:41

I had pancreatitis at 14 doctor thought I was secretly a binge drinker! It turns out I had two genetic mutations discovered years later. Sigh. Sorry you had to experience this

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 20/02/2020 21:30

redexpat
It would just never occur to me to lie to someone who is trying to help me. Confused

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 20/02/2020 21:37

People lie because they feel ashamed to admit the truth, OP. They don't want to feel judged and guilty. Addictions and unhealthy behaviours make people ashamed. Surely the fact that you felt 'insulted' that the doctor thought you were a heavy drinker means that you understand how it feels to be judged in that way.

Original poster
HerRoyalFattyness · 20/02/2020 21:40

Yeah, of course I understand.

It would just never occur to me to lie to health professionals. And as I said, the alcoholics in my life have always been open about it. It is no secret and the one that still drinks certainly doesn't feel any shame about it. (The one that is sober does. He deeply regrets his drinking habits and the way his life turned out because of it)

OP posts:
Everhopeful1 · 20/02/2020 21:54

Forget what the GP said, they were probably trying to assess the most obvious things first like drink & excessive paracetemol usage. You probably need more specific liver function blood tests, and take it from there.