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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh is selfish

58 replies

Sunnydays38722 · 20/02/2020 09:08

We were out shopping at a retail park this is an important fact as no toilets were available. I told him in the car that I was desperate for the loo. I’m also pregnant so you think he would consider that. We get in and he goes straight to the only bathroom and proceed to be in there for the next 15 minutes. I know this sounds trivial but he’s been being so awfully selfish since I’ve been pregnant.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 20/02/2020 09:11

Yeah that's selfish
I'm not pregnant but I'd be really annoyed if my husband did that to me!
Is it part of a pattern?

Sparklfairy · 20/02/2020 09:11

On the face of it I'd just be annoyed and call him selfish, but then you say since you became pregnant there have been other incidents. Such as what? Do you think he's just being thoughtless or malicious (i.e. trying to make you have or scare you that you might have an accident by taking so long in the toilet)?

Enchiladas · 20/02/2020 09:15

That is very annoying and selfish.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/02/2020 09:17

That’s awful.

Liveandforget · 20/02/2020 09:18

Yes he is selfish.

Don't let this slide. Sadly some men show their true colours when their partner is pregnant and vulnerable. If there's a pattern forming it could be abusive behaviour.

Keanuismine · 20/02/2020 09:32

What did he say when he came out?

CalmdownJanet · 20/02/2020 09:34

Yep that's selfish, even if you weren't pregnant if there is only one toilet and you both need to go then the person who clearly needs a massive shit while scrolling their phone goes second

Quartz2208 · 20/02/2020 09:44

Yep pregnancy aside the person who is in and out the quickest goes first.

Did you go in and tell him though I would have been furious. Or indeed say that

TwentyViginti · 20/02/2020 09:48

What a pp said - abuse often starts when a woman becomes pregnant. Merely selfish now is bad enough, but watch out for escalation.

SerendipitySunshine · 20/02/2020 09:52

Did you not bang on the door?

BlessedBeTheFruitCake · 20/02/2020 09:53

That's terrible behaviour seeing that he knew you needed to go. Bet he stunk the loo out too if he was in there for 15mins! ArseholeAngry

AryaStarkWolf · 20/02/2020 09:54

wow so selfish, what a dickhead

diddl · 20/02/2020 09:56

Presumably you only needed a quick wee?

Actually, even if you didn't but would have been quicker than him he should have waited.

What else has he been doing?

SkiingIsHeaven · 20/02/2020 09:56

I think you should have offered him a cup of tea then pissed in it to relieve the pressure on your bladder.

timeisnotaline · 20/02/2020 09:56

That’s terrible behaviour!! What are the other things? What do you want to do about it?

Gatehouse77 · 20/02/2020 09:57

Woah, that is more than just selfish.

It would make me start questioning other aspects of the relationship too.

To me, that behaviour shows a complete lack of respect for you, irrespective of the pregnancy. I couldn't be with someone who treated me like that.

Dommina · 20/02/2020 09:58

What did you say at the time?

It was selfish but surely could have been sorted out with an, "Oi, cheeky git, I'm pregnant!" He may have just been short of brain for a minute.

Dommina · 20/02/2020 09:59

Didn't read the bit where it said about other incidents. It depends what they were. Apologies for being short of brain.

sillysmiles · 20/02/2020 10:11

Did you not shout at him to hurry the F up as you needed to use it too.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/02/2020 10:13

Bloody rude. What other incidents and do you any other options if you need to leave?

BarbaraofSeville · 20/02/2020 10:16

I think after about 2 minutes I would have shouted that if he didn't come out now, I would go in and piss in the bath, because I couldn't wait any longer.

And then given him an earful about how he knew I was desperate so he knew it wasn't the time to go in for one of his leisurely man shits.

But if you say his behaviour has changed since you become pregnant, is this a weird jealously reaction to the attention you will have received (medical appointments, friends/family wanting to know how you are, how it's going, are you excited, are you looking after yourself, etc etc)?

pinkyredrose · 20/02/2020 10:18

He's a cunt. What other ways has he been selfish ?

Blackandgreenteas · 20/02/2020 10:21

That’s awful OP. How horrible of him. What else has he done?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/02/2020 10:22

What did he say when you asked him about it afterwards?

HavelockVetinari · 20/02/2020 10:25

It is very common for abusive men to show their true colours once their partner is pregnant Sad.

What are the other incidents?

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