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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd1's friend stole from dd2

50 replies

Lmbunny · 19/02/2020 22:41

Posting here in the Hope that I will get more advice really.

Today dd1's best friends from school came to our street to play, let's call them Chloe and Sarah , Chloe is very forward whereas Sarah really shy. Both lovely little girls.

Dd1(9) and dd2(7) both went out to play with them, Chloe was persistently asking to come in the house, I gave in after 10mins.
(I Was busy with my boys and DH busy cooking dinner)
They played in dds' room for a bit,
dd2 likes to save any money she gets, keeps it in a little purse and hides usually in or under her pillow.
So in the room playing, covers off making tents, Chloe sees the purse and asks if she can have it, dd2 says no its hers, chloe asks for some money as it's a lot,(not really, maybe about £10 but heavy as its coins) dd2 gives Chloe & Sarah £1 each, being the kind girl she is.
They play some more then dinner is ready,
Chloe & Sarah want to eat, not a problem, gave them both dinner too.
After dinner Sarah goes home.
Chloe stays for another hour, then her sister collects her.
As she is leaving Chloe says thank you for having her over & oh and thanks for the £1.
That's when I knew dd2 had given them it and told her that was kind of her..

Dd1 then tells me she thinks Chloe stole dd2s money, as she saw her putting money in her jacket, which Chloe said was hers.
She didn't want to confront her again & didn't tell me or I could have dealt with it.

Dd2 runs to check and all but the coppers have gone, she was so upset. :(
So dd1 said she will talk to Chloe about it tomorrow and tell her to give the money back. I agreed. But now I'm wondering if I should speak with her myself or?

WWYD?

Sorry it's so long x

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 19/02/2020 22:45

Hmm, tricky one, do you know Chloe's mum? If it literally is just a few coppers, I'd replace them for my DD, DD1 could speak to Chloe but I absolutely would not have Chloe in my house again.

LovingLola · 19/02/2020 22:46

I’d call Chloe’s mum and ask her to sort it out. Presumably you know her pretty well.

definitelynottwelvenow · 19/02/2020 22:48

Work out how much has gone then call Chloe's mum and ask her to have a chat and return the money..... then don't invite her round again. What a horrible thing to happen.

HugoSpritz · 19/02/2020 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lmbunny · 19/02/2020 23:01

I did replace the money, I didn't know the exact amount but dd2 knew she had 6 pound coins and quite a few silvers so just gave her 10.
It was a shame because she couldn't understand why Chloe would do that.

In regards to her mum, I really don't know her much at all.. Chloe has played here just once before & her mum stood at the end of the ndn drive & sent her other daughter to collect.

Today it was the big sister collecting.
Rarely see the mum at school too.

Yes I too was thinking to not have her back in the house.

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 19/02/2020 23:07

Definitely not have her back in the house but I would give dd1 a chance to sort it out before you get involved, it would be good for both the girls if it can be sorted between them.

WineGumsandDaisies · 19/02/2020 23:11

Wow. She sounds like a bit of a magpie.

Don’t let her play in your house for a while. You won’t trust her and your girls will be super nervous with their things. Ignore the constant pleas to come in.

Suggest your girls find other children to play with for a little bit.

SnoozyLou · 19/02/2020 23:14

I would be mortified if I was her mum, but I would want to know if my child was doing things like that so I could do something about it.

SnoozyLou · 19/02/2020 23:17

Saying that though, some parents couldn't care less. If you haven't really met her and sized her up, I probably just wouldn't have the daughter around again.

What a horrible thing to do though.

Original poster
Lmbunny · 19/02/2020 23:26

Yes @YesThatsATurdOnTheRug

A Magpie indeed @WineGumsandDaisies Grin

I really don't want her to be around dd1 , haven't told dd that, as she has only those 2 girls she is close with at school.
Although I've told her to be careful of Chloe and did say she will not be welcome in here anymore.

OP posts:
SouthWestmom · 19/02/2020 23:31

I don't know really. From the other side I got told that my kid had 'posted' a siblings pocket money through floorboards but it was all this child says it was your child not him etc. The parents hadn't seen anything.
My kid obviously blamed the sibling, no one knew how much had gone. It definitely soured the friendship.

Original poster
Lmbunny · 19/02/2020 23:41

Same @SnoozyLou I would be mortified to say the least.. sadly i think it's a case of the latter, doesn't seem to care much.

Come to think of it, dd1 told me the other day Sarah had stolen some chewing gum from the shop that morning before school. Shock dd1 knows stealing is wrong and told Sarah so.
now I'm worried what kind of friends my little girl has, she is very young for her age, iykwim.

OP posts:
drinkygin · 20/02/2020 01:23

I would tell the parents- the kids are all young and do silly things, I’d want to know if it was my daughter so I could correct her and discuss why it’s wrong.

crustycrab · 20/02/2020 01:36

"Although I've told her to be careful of Chloe and did say she will not be welcome in here anymore." Did you elaborate? 7 year olds?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/02/2020 02:01

Poor DD2, how awful for her! And DD1 too - knowing that it was her "friend" who did this.

I think you should tell "Chloe's" mum/parents anyway, even if they do turn out to be waste-of-spacers, because they should be told. I'd also consider giving DD1's teacher a heads up - not to cause trouble for Chloe, more to explain why there might be a change in the friendship dynamic and to make sure that everyone labels their stuff clearly.

And no, she would not be coming back to my house if that was my child's friend.

FurrySlipperBoots · 20/02/2020 02:05

Being kind doesn't mean your daughter should give her money away to randomers who ask for it! Teach her to be assertive. Both your daughters, in fact, as it sounds like Sarah has issues with taking things that don't belong to her too. Maybe even practice with some role play how your girls might stand their ground in various situations? And definitely tell Chloe's mum. She might not want to hear it, but on the other hand she might be really grateful that you've brought the matter to her attention, and Chloe needs to see the clear consequences for what she's done.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/02/2020 02:07

It sounds as if you’re worried about your dd1’s friendship group. Can you talk to your dd1 about having lots of friends? Maybe get her involved in an out of school activity, where these two girls don’t go.

As for the money, it sounds as though the girls mum is very disconnected. In this case, I wouldn’t bother to talk to her. It won’t have the desired effect by the sound of it and I would be concerned she will start picking on your girls because of it. I think what you’ve decided is the best course of action.

notangelinajolie · 20/02/2020 02:27

Been exactly there and done that. And it was quite a lot more than a few pounds. My DD1's thief friend even had the cheek to use the money she stole from DD2 to buy DD1 a bottle of v expensive perfume. She was 11 - where else would she get that kind of money?

I would -

  1. Replace the money.
  2. Explain to your daughter why she shouldn't be giving money to 'friends'.
  3. Never invite Chloe again.

I wouldn't go into all the faff of contacting Chloe's mum and explaining etc. Actions speak louder than words in this situation ...

Both my DDs dropped her from their friendship group when they realised what she'd done. She denied it of course.

Wombatstew · 20/02/2020 02:34

When I was about the same age one of my friends stole some of my birthday money not much but after that I wasn’t allowed to play with her. So out of two girls on my street that were my age I wasnt allowed to play with one of them and it all became a bit awkward.
Looking back I think it was a bit of an overreaction on my parents part, children do silly things sometimes. I once broke a friends Sindy doll by pulling her legs apart. Instead of owning up I hid it in her garage. I still remember how guilty and scared I felt. I wasn’t a bad kid I just did a silly thing but it was definitely the wrong thing to do.
hopefully by your DD1 asking For the money back might be enough of an embarrassment of being caught out and maybe just keep an eye out for the future. I like the pp’s idea of role playing being more assertive.

OldieButaGoodie · 20/02/2020 02:35

I think you're doing the right thing and waiting to see what your daughter says. Also, I'd want to know if she was mine..

But what stood out to me is that both girls stayed for dinner - how did they let their parents know? Wouldn't they expect them back from a playdate way before dinner time?

Supertrooper98 · 20/02/2020 02:43

When your Dd1 is talking to chloe maybe she could mention if she doesn't own up you will be speaking to her mother?

Topseyt · 20/02/2020 03:19

I would have told the friends that it was time to go home once your dinner was ready. I have done that before and have no qualms doing it.

I might try to inform Chloe's mother about the stolen money, but I wouldn't hold your breath there. It does sound like she may not be all that bothered where her child actually is anyway.

Chloe would not be welcome in my house again and I would probably tell her why if she was brazen enough to ask.

Your daughter should not be just giving her money away to anyone who asks. I know she only gave them £1 each, but she shouldn't have felt obliged to. That smacks of her having felt intimidated into it by these brats.

Don't let them in again.

JRUIN · 20/02/2020 03:25

Give your DD the chance to deal with it. But tell her to let Chloe know that if she doesn't repay the money you will be having a word with her mum yourself and she will not be allowed in your home again.

FishCanFly · 20/02/2020 06:22

Contact the parent. How they react is up to them.
Not invite those kids again.
Teaching moment for your dd - careful eith money. Do not just hand it over to whoever asks and don't leave it unattended.
Dd1 should stick up for dd2 - she should have told her friends no.

AJPTaylor · 20/02/2020 07:12

Seen the bit about nicking from the shop.
Not a suitable friend for your older dd.

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