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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rsvp date

29 replies

99problemsandthecatis1 · 18/02/2020 20:52

Been invited to a wedding in June next year. The RSVP date is the end of this month. AIBU to think that's a bit excessive?

We want to go, we probably can go, but won't be able to confirm until closer to Christmas (child care, it's abroad). Can people really plan child care and stuff 18months ahead of time?

Seems a little excessive to me, but then again I went from engaged to married in 15 weeks 😂

OP posts:
ilovedjerrymore · 18/02/2020 21:06

So we are talking about June 2021?Confused

If so and it’s no kids then I personally would have to decline as I wouldn’t be able to guarantee child care that far in advance and I wouldn't expect any one to book their own holidays around looking after my child.

mummyof2darlings · 18/02/2020 21:08

They have definitely put the correct year on the invite 😂? Maybe text them and check haha xx

YorkshirePud1 · 18/02/2020 21:17

Yeah that's very far in advance. If it was a save the date that's one thing, but an invite they want an RSVP to seems excessively early.

Sixsandwich · 18/02/2020 21:19

Wow, even June this year, that would be a bit excessive. Given that it's abroad, a save the date card would have sufficed, with possibly a date to confirm later in year

PsychoWiener · 18/02/2020 21:24

I'm getting married abroad in July next year and I'm not sending invites til January and I think even that's early! We have already sent save the dates. How very bizarre of them. I don't think I'd be able to know for sure so I'd decline.

1Morewineplease · 18/02/2020 21:41

I would tell the couple that , whilst you would love to commit, you can’t guarantee that you’d be able to go and that you need more time to consider, if possible.
That’s the trouble with ‘save the dates’ .. usually too far in advance. Yes , the couple want to reserve their venue and numbers but it’s hard to definitely confirm.
Makes me wonder how we all managed before ‘ save the date.’

katy1213 · 18/02/2020 21:42

I don't think I'd want to commit to my own wedding that far ahead!

Original poster
99problemsandthecatis1 · 18/02/2020 21:48

Yes, if they need a definite it's going to have to be a no from us.

I'm interested to hear from those who think I'm being unreasonable though!

OP posts:
FrankRattlesnake · 18/02/2020 22:04

Can’t you even book flights that far in advance!?!?

Arthritica · 18/02/2020 22:09

16 months in advance??
That's mad. You could respond to a Save The Date but with 16 months you could be pregnant, be a parent, have changed jobs, started a degree course... so much might have happened.

It's totally self-obsessed of a couple to think people can freeze their lives and commitments for best part of a year and a half just for their wedding.

OhCaptain · 18/02/2020 22:10

Oh that sounds like a misprint!

Original poster
99problemsandthecatis1 · 19/02/2020 16:48

Definitely not a misprint. I've checked with the couple.

I've checked flights and they are bookable but hotels aren't, so we can't even get an accurate idea of costs to give PIL so they could start thinking about it.

It's just going to have to be a no from us.

OP posts:
PlanBea · 19/02/2020 17:05

Save the dates are only really supposed to go out up to a year in advance. An actual invite so far in advance is definitely VU!

JosefKeller · 19/02/2020 17:20

They are absolutely mad. I am organised and like things planned, but JUNE 2021! I already can't understand people who organise what is really just a party more than a year in advance, but expecting guests to commit is just ridiculous.

Frankly, so far in advance, I would have to say "no" if they insist on a firm answer.

Nowayorhighway · 19/02/2020 17:27

Far too soon in advance, it’s usually only three or four months.

OhCaptain · 19/02/2020 18:28

Wow that’s insane!

SilkCottonTree · 19/02/2020 18:37

That's completely bonkers - you just don't know what life will throw at you that far in advance! You could have newborn triplets by then or something else that would stop you going.

Wynston · 19/02/2020 19:00

Im a bit confused if you want to go to the wedding why does it matter if its next year??
Sure loads can happen in that time but plans can change a few hours before the day so does it really matter???

Leeds2 · 19/02/2020 19:10

I too wouldn't commit to going to a wedding that far in the future, especially if you can't be certain of childcare.
But I do think that there must surely be a reason why they need to firm numbers so far in advance. I also think they run a real risk of lots of people dropping out nearer the time.

Original poster
99problemsandthecatis1 · 19/02/2020 19:14

Wynston because to enable us to go we need to organise childcare. We can't organise childcare so far in advance. Yes, that childcare may fall through at the very last minute but that can't be helped. We only have one option for child care for the length of time needed and they can't commit currently (fair enough, it's 16months time). So I can't say yes when I don't know it's likely we can attend.

OP posts:
Original poster
99problemsandthecatis1 · 19/02/2020 19:17

Leeds2 I think they've had lots of people say they can't commit so far in advance, mainly the couples friends- they are in prime wedding and TTC age groups). The family they've invited have either said definitely no or as you say have said yes but may drop out when they know the cost or because of health issues.

OP posts:
Original poster
99problemsandthecatis1 · 19/02/2020 19:18

So far they have 10 who have said they will go.

OP posts:
Woeisme99 · 19/02/2020 19:23

That's absolutely fucking bonkers. Are they paying for you?

JosefKeller · 19/02/2020 19:31

Sure loads can happen in that time but plans can change a few hours before the day so does it really matter???

of course it does matter. Some of us don't change their plans at the last minute, and once we agree to an invitation, we go. Even if it's a kids birthday party. We don't change our mind because something better comes up.

So early, I have no idea if there is something at school my kids need to attend, if I can take the day off work, or anything.
So I'd say no

Emergencies do happen, but let's be honest, they are very rare. Not many people have to cancel attending something for a genuine reason.

Original poster
99problemsandthecatis1 · 19/02/2020 20:30

Woeisme99 not the flights/ hotel.

JosefKeller exactly.

OP posts: