To be annoyed with drivers being too polite?

[Thistledew]

Scenario- I'm crossing a road with DS, age 3.5 and teaching him about road safety. An approaching car sees is by the side of the road and stops to allow us to cross in front of them.

I really wish drivers wouldn't do this. I'm teaching DS to wait until the road is completely clear, and don't want him to be making a decision as to whether the car has seen him and stopped deliberately.

I usually just smile and gesture the driver to proceed and am thankful when they do just that, but one woman today seemed to take real exception and stopped for quite a while angrily gesturing for us to cross. The stalemate only ended when I walked down the pavement with DS behind her to cross further down.

AIBU to ask drivers to consider that it might not actually be particularly kind or helpful to let parents and young children cross in this way?

You should get learner plates for your son to know he is in training. This way there will be no confusion of pesky people trying to be polite and kind.

YANBU. I observed a car stopping to allow a pedestrian to cross ( not at a designated crossing) and the numpty in the vehicle behind overtook that car nearly colliding with the pedestrian who had started to cross.
You can’t be sure what others are seeing and thinking.

YABU.

The woman was trying to do something nice, I always appreciated when someone let us cross. Teaching your DS to pay attention to cars and whether they have stopped or not is a useful skill.

I was taught to only cross on clear roads or at the "green Man" and I actually think it makes life harder someone's because I struggle to gauge it for myself - incidentally this also made learning to drive a pain in the arse because I hesitated at roundabouts unless they were completely clear!

I agree, OP. It's not helpful when you're trying to teach road safety and drives me insane when I'm in the car behind someone who stops abruptly to let someone cross.

It was actually a big culture shock to me when I first moved here. I remember thinking, "no, I'll make the decision as to whether it's safe to cross, thank you very much!"

Don't get me started on motorists who stop to let another car out of a junction when there's traffic coming from the other direction. . . Crazy!

Wait, were you at a crossing or just by the road?

I only ever cross at crossings (see above nervous reasons) so it's not an issue if a driver stops.

YABU. Are you aware that drivers are supposed to let pedestrians walk across a zebra crossing first? Because I hope this is where you are trying to cross the road with you son. Don’t teach such a young child to cross the road without a zebra crossing.

Yanbu. I always taught my kids not to cross if a car stops for them. There's nothing to stop a motorcycle going past the car or traffic coming from the other direction not stopping. I know they think they're being helpful but it's not good when kids are learning to cross the road.

Surely the answer us to not stop at the side of the road looking like you need to cross when you don't want to

I only ever cross at crossings (see above nervous reasons) so it's not an issue if a driver stops*

Eh? I wouldn't be able to walk into town if I only used crossings

YABU.

You have not communicated in any way, your intent (which is to "train" your DC to cross when there is no other traffic on road).

The person with the car showed kindness, and communicated clear intent.

The roads are not your private training ground where you can somehow magic up the correct scenario every time.

Surely it's far more helpful for him to see this real-world scenario and learn that despite the drivers actions, it's STILL not safe to cross until you can't see any cars etc.

YABVU.

YANBU to find it annoying but you know they’re just being nice.

Because I hope this is where you are trying to cross the road with you son. Don’t teach such a young child to cross the road without a zebra crossing.

And meanwhile, in the real world...

(I would love to know how I could ever walk anywhere with my kids using this logic. We live in the middle square part of a crescent with roads on all sides - and not a crossing in sight. Should we limit ourselves to walks around the very small block?)

When I learnt to drive I was taught never to stop to gesture pedestrians across because you can't control what other drivers are doing or tell if they've seen that you've stopped and ultimately it needs to be the pedestrian assessing when and where is safe to cross. It's dangerous not kind.

Caveats obviously apply re pedestrian crossings and people in side roads etc.

YANBU This really annoys me too, for the same reason that I'm trying to teach my children to safely across the road. I end up looking away at then and feel bad because I know they're only trying to be nice!

To be honest is also annoys me when I'm on my own too because then I feel pressured to get across the road fast and end up doing a ridiculous hurried walk ..

@chipperdipper lucky I don't live by you then :o

We have various forms of crossings - lights, islands, zebra all the way here and if there's an underpass I'll use it!

I understand your point, especially when there are cars coming the other way - i always feel under pressure to stand in the middle of the road!

Having said that there are times in the morning where it can take me ages to get across the road in front of my house and I am very grateful to people who stop. It drives me a bit mad that drivers are more likely to stop to let a car out than for me / kids / other parents to cross a busy road (i live near three schools, it is pandemonium)

YABU. Are you aware that drivers are supposed to let pedestrians walk across a zebra crossing first? Because I hope this is where you are trying to cross the road with you son. Don’t teach such a young child to cross the road without a zebra crossing.

😂😂😂😂

Where do you live?? I can't think where the nearest zebra crossing is to our house. Probably a mile or so away.
We wouldn't be able to walk anywhere if we had to find a zebra crossing.

YANBU I hate this, zebra crossings excepted. Most of the time the stopped car is the only car on the road and if they would just get on their way I could cross safely with a good view of the other lane.

I politely wave them on and stand on the kerb with my arms folded. I've got all day and I can wait it out. I'm doing them a kindness of course, letting them go first.

@BlueEyedFloozy you must live in a very urban area with a lot of traffic then.
A lot of people live in villages or semi rural places.

Ha, I've just read my post re crossings.

I do cross clear roads if I have to but prefer to use a crossing of its a busy road!

I'm in a small(ISH) town in the Highlands - not sure I'd call it urban but there are quite a few roads!

Oh I hate this too. Also when the last car in a line of traffic let’s you pull out. Just go and I’ll be able to pull out in a few seconds anyway!

When I learnt to drive I was taught never to stop to gesture pedestrians across because you can't control what other drivers are doing or tell if they've seen that you've stopped and ultimately it needs to be the pedestrian assessing when and where is safe to cross. It's dangerous not kind.

Caveats obviously apply re pedestrian crossings and people in side roads etc.

^^^ This!

I passed my test just short of 12 months ago and my instructor drilled it into me to not stop to let a pedestrian cross (unless at a crossing etc) because you don't know what will come the other way, you don't know if someone is coming up at speed behind you and if you do get rear ended it's all your bloody fault.

I wouldn't say you're being unreasonable, but at the same time, some people genuinely think they are being nice and they don't know your intent to teach your son, they just think you might be struggling to cross.

YANBU - sometimes it's helpful if a driver slows to let you cross, but if you've made it clear that they should move on, they're BU to get upset with you. This happens to us at one particular point on our journey, where drivers on one side of the road tend to slow to let you across without noticing what oncoming traffic on the other side is doing. I tend to just take a step further back away from the kerb, but there's always one grumpy driver who takes it personally.