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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Going for massage/nails/hair etc... when off sick?

36 replies

FlipItty · 18/02/2020 09:07

AIBU to think I'm not unreasonable?

I've been off work recently due to a serious bout of depression following a traumatic event involving pregnancy loss. I've been put on anti depressants and my Dr told me to start doing some things for me, to get out of the house etc...

I've booked a bit of a pamper day today, massage, nails, hair etc... for myself.

The salon is right near my work though (literally across the road but it's a tiny village so there isn't much choice and I don't feel able to go too far from home yet, it's my safe place at the moment and I very rarely leave it).

AIBU? I'm scared about work seeing me but then at the same time this is what's been recommended to me by my doctor (not specifically but this is what I felt able to do) and I'm not physically ill.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 18/02/2020 09:12

You’re off work, not in quarantine. Getting out and about will help you recover from your depression. Go and enjoy yourself today without feeling guilty.

Arthritica · 18/02/2020 09:13

It’s depression, not a Norovirus.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 18/02/2020 09:14

I'd speak to work about it first. In my opinion it's better they know why you're doing it before they see you

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 18/02/2020 09:15

Just to be clear I don't think you are being unreasonable but some people at your work may if they dont understand depression etc

Original poster

FlipItty · 18/02/2020 09:15

Okay thanks. I wouldn't worry about it if it weren't for being a stone's throw from work. The likelihood is someone from there will see me so I thought I may be taking the piss a bit.

Part of my problem is anxiety though so I know I'm probably over thinking things.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 18/02/2020 09:17

I'd speak to work about it first.

There is absolutely no need to do this.

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 18/02/2020 09:18

I think of these things are going to make you feel better about yourself and help you get back were you should be, then do it.

Any decent management would be the same, they'll want you feeling well enough to return to work and if little things like being pampered help, then there shouldn't be a problem.

Curiosity101 · 18/02/2020 09:20

I agree with PP that you definitely aren't being unreasonable. But that if people from work don't know why you're off (or don't understand depression) they might assume you're not unwell. I'd mention it to your boss / manager and then go and enjoy you're day

Boom45 · 18/02/2020 09:21

I was off work after a bereavement and I jetted off to Spain, my family live there so it wasnt entirely a holiday but being somewhere else, in the sun, surrounded by family and friends was exactly what I needed. I got a couple of snidey comments from one dickhead at work when I returned but I muttered some Spanish at him (my Spanish swearing gets much better when I'm with my cousins....) until he got confused and went away...

PurpleDaisies · 18/02/2020 09:22

But she’s off work. She can’t just “mention” it to her boss. She would have to specifically contact them.

The worst thing someone with depression can do is just stay at home for two weeks. This will be fine, and if anyone asks the op can say that the doctor told her to get out and about.

inicecoldblood · 18/02/2020 09:23

Could you book into a salon not near work if your worried about being seen?

Original poster

FlipItty · 18/02/2020 09:26

There isn't another that offers all of these treatments in the village where I live and work. Unfortunately I struggle to be away from home much at the moment so I don't feel able to go any further afield right now. I need my house to be close by, sounds a bit silly but I can't cope unless I know I'm nearby.

OP posts:

TrixieTheWhore · 18/02/2020 09:42

I think it sounds lovely and will do you good OP. Go get pampered and enjoy it.

Brefugee · 18/02/2020 09:46

I'm sorry for your loss. You don't need to work, just go ahead and have your treatments, it sounds just the job and probably exactly the kind of thing your GP meant.

If anyone does say anything to you, refer them to HR. If HR do remind them that when you are off sick it doesn't mean you have to be tied to your bed living on bread and water having absolutely no fun at all. This is part of your treatment/rehabilitation.

I hope it helps you and that you can enjoy it.

Joker123 · 18/02/2020 09:48

I’m so sorry for your loss. You should absolutely go and treat yourself. You have been signed off so do whatever you want to do x

chinateapot · 18/02/2020 09:49

Its absolutely fine. If you’d phoned in sick with flu it wouldn’t be fine. But with depression - you’re just taking sensible steps to look after yourself and get well. That’s what you should be doing.
Hope you feel better as soon as possible - be kind to yourself.

marashino · 18/02/2020 09:51

A pamper day sounds like an excellent idea.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 18/02/2020 09:53

If you've got a sick note from the dr you can do as you please.The dr has signed you off.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/02/2020 09:55

If anyone questions it just tell them that the GP recommended that you find activities that get you out of the house, interacting with people and which help with relaxation.

Then enjoy your pampering.

MrsCasares · 18/02/2020 09:56

Okay, think of this as step 1 on the road to recovery. If it was a physical problem ie from crutches to walking stick you wouldn’t think twice about it.

Please go and enjoy your pamper day. Work don’t need to know. It’s none of their business.

Sending very unmumsnetty hugs.

readingismycardio · 18/02/2020 10:01

You're off with depression, not the flu. Dr has specifically told you to get out of the house. Well done for booking pampering!!! Hope you enjoy it, OP!

Tiredmum100 · 18/02/2020 10:02

No YANBU! Go and pamper yourself a bit. You've been through a horrible time. I hate the attitude you need to stay in if you're off sick. Yes fine if it's something contagious, but for mental health issues etc no! Sorry for your loss

Halloweenbabyy · 18/02/2020 10:03

Been stuck in the house will make you feel worse. Getting out of the house and having something to look forward to willl cheer you up d

LouisaJenny · 18/02/2020 10:06

Go and have a lovely day OP. No need to mention to your work at all. If anyone sees you and makes any comment, just tell them to speak to your manager/HR.

Original poster

FlipItty · 18/02/2020 10:08

Well done for booking pampering!!

I have to give most of the credit to DH really, he's paid and insisted I go! I booked because the look on his face whilst he was looking through all the different treatments on the website was like a rabbit caught in headlights

Thanks everyone, I am actually looking forward to it.

OP posts:

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