Hi there,
I've recently gotten married, but we're already arguing about money, etc. I'm pretty much a SAHM during the week but I work 16 hours on weekends and I'm in college once a week doing training. I get around £730 a month and my husband is on around £1300. We split all the bills in half - rent, council tax, etc. I do most the food shopping and he'll get bits and pieces.
We live in a rural area and I've recently passed my driving test. I also quit my contract at work to become relief staff - so I can pick up shifts during the week, rather than work EVERY weekend (consequently not seeing most my friends who work mon-fri!). When I told my hubby that I wanted to stop working weekends and had moved onto a zero-hour contract, and that I wanted to find a car so I have more freedom during the week, he basically told me that I've put him in financial trouble (by "quitting" work) and that I don't have the money to run a car. I've done a budget and I do have just about enough (but I would find more care work if I had my own transport). He basically told me, "get a car then, but I don't want it affecting me financially", and (a few weeks prior) "you need protecting from yourself, look at the state you've gotten yourself into" (this was after I'd had an argument with my mum and we were about to go to a local car dealers - which I'd begged him to take me to). He also gave me crap for taking out a £1200 loan - said I was too "impulsive" and this is why I shouldn't buy a car on my own.
Prior to having our son, I took home more money than him. I worked days AND nights and saved a few thousand. I've lent him money for courses, I paid for most of our wedding, I bought most our furniture, and still managed to save enough to pay for my college course on top of everything. He had a lot of financial ties and outgoings, which is why I didn't mind paying for a lot of stuff. Now my savings have run out and I'm on less, he's made it clear that he won't contribute more towards rent or council tax, etc. He doesn't want to put me on his insurance (although I've offered to pay the extra). He told me that if I buy a car, he doesn't want it to affect me buying food or gas, etc (of which I pay the majority anyway!).
Taking out this loan was really unlike me. I pay off my credit card each month and I rarely go into my overdraft (unlike DH, who lives in his!). In other words, I'm not that "impulsive". I also don't think I'm being unreasonable for wanting my own car, and not wanting to work every weekend... but he's told me that he feels like "I want it all" whereas he has to go to work 5 days a week. (I should mention, he's also spent hundreds on 'business ideas' which never materialised!)
I cook, I clean, I look after our son. I can't remember the last time he did the dishes or put a load in the washing machine. I come home from work on weekends and have to do everything. I receive universal credit and he basically joked that I get money for "sitting on my arse" yet he's also criticised me for having too 'high standards' re the housework.
I've been stewing on everything a lot and now I'm f^ing furious. I tried talking to him about it tonight and he basically made me feel as though I'm being unreasonable, but I held my ground. I told him I needed space and later this evening, he came down and said he's here for me no matter what and he'll give me the space to find my wings. Confused is an understatement. I have no idea what to think anymore. When he said that to me, I felt like such a pr*! I'm sat here in tears doubting my own sanity! I really don't know what to do now!
Some advice would be appreciated!