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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel furious with OH

45 replies

TVaddict1982 · 17/02/2020 21:39

I don’t want people feeling sorry for me, but I have my fair share of health problems and I feel my OH completely belittles them. Almost as if he uses my health as a big joke and reason to take the P out of me to other people. He’s told family members, friends, midwives, and today the gym instructor, how bad I am at coping with pain.

I know others have far worse health problems, but day to day I cope with considerable body aches, some arthritis, eye disease that causes some double vision and the smallest amount of light can trigger unbearable headaches. I also seem to need much more sleep and just need to generally take better care of myself. Over the last few years I’ve ended up having five lots of surgery and have another one due this year. I’m honestly not complaining or asking for sympathy, but it does get me down that the severity of some of these things seems to be a big joke. He gets a skin reaction sometimes and believes it to be ‘the worst pain ever’ 🙄

Over the weekend I’ve had some really awful flu symptoms that actually had me moaning with pain. Not so much the fever, tiredness or cough/cold part, but I honestly felt like I’d been run over!! Went to the doctors today and I’ve got pneumonia. Doctor thought I’d done pretty well to last that long before going in as chest sounds awful.

But OH has been telling everyone ‘oh you should hear her, I’ve heard less pain on the battlefield’ ‘I’ve recorded her on my phone, never heard anything like it’ ‘no pain threshold at all’

Is he being a you-know-what? Or am I just being sensitive and in a bad mood because I feel so rubbish??

Thanks in advance!!

OP posts:
AriellaBella · 17/02/2020 21:40

Is he being an abusive arse? Yes, I'd say so.

Feelingpoorlysick · 17/02/2020 21:41

He's a knob.

Is he ever nice to you? Why are you with him?

Cheeserton · 17/02/2020 21:42

He's being a bit of a twat.

GoldLeafTree · 17/02/2020 21:42

Recording you on his phone when you're unwell and taking the mick out of you like that is horrible :( that's really mean. He should be looking after you and helping you get better not laughing at you.

Is he looking after you?

I hope you get well soon Flowers

Babooshkar · 17/02/2020 21:43

He sounds truly awful.

Is he always so unkind?

GertrudeCB · 17/02/2020 21:43

He is a prick.

CalleighDoodle · 17/02/2020 21:44

I read the first paragraph and thought what the fuck do you gain from him?!

TVaddict1982 · 17/02/2020 21:47

To be fair, he’s been an an ok nurse. Bringing up the never ending supplies of squash/tablets/snacks etc. But thinks everything is sooo f’ing funny. I’m in agony here 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
maras2 · 17/02/2020 21:47

He's told midwives?
Are you pregnant as well as being poorly?
What a bad man Shock

CalmdownJanet · 17/02/2020 21:50

Nope yanbu, he is a complete prick putting you down to make himself look like the funny man.

I would call him out on it publicly
You should have heard her, I recorded her
"Really Mike, really? You recorded your wife in pain and now you are making fun of me, does that make you feel like a big man, a funny man?"

Make shit of him back

TVaddict1982 · 17/02/2020 21:55

Not pregnant now. But when I was he loved telling midwife similar stories about my pain threshold. I e managed to survive pre-eclampsia and various other things so I can’t be a complete wimp.

OP posts:
Blackandgreenteas · 17/02/2020 22:03

He sounds appalling!

SummerPavillion · 17/02/2020 22:12

Sorry but it sounds like he hates you.

DesLynamsMoustache · 17/02/2020 22:13

He's a twat. LTB

GabsAlot · 17/02/2020 22:15

Sorry but he sounds horrible-im a definite moaner for sure but im not laughed at

StormBaby · 17/02/2020 22:18

He knows you're too good for him so he's keeping your wings clipped by making you feel small/weak/useless so you don't leave him

simplekindoflife · 17/02/2020 22:18

How dare he belittle your suffering! Pneumonia is a serious condition. Tell him he's being a spiteful dickhead!

Glassio · 17/02/2020 22:19

no need to be furious with him, just leave. you are free to pick who you stay in a relationship with and if they're not nice - go!

RightOnTheEdge · 17/02/2020 22:19

He sounds vile!
You might not be asking for sympathy but you've got mine OP for being married to such a humongous tosser Sad
I hope you feel better soon and strong enough to stand up to him and call him out on his bullying.

Chickychoccyegg · 17/02/2020 22:21

That sounds horrible and he sounds bloody vile, don't put up with it, call him out on it every single time, everyone must be thinking he's a complete arse making fun of you .

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 17/02/2020 22:22

Anyone who laughs at a person with pneumonia is a complete arse. Firstly it's not funny, people die from it. Secondly it's going to make the person who's ill feel like shit. And make him look like a complete knob to whoever he is telling. YANBU to be furious.

Butterymuffin · 17/02/2020 22:23

Have you not said back to him 'You think a skin reaction is the worst pain ever, what would you know?'

Wigglewaggle01 · 17/02/2020 22:28

It doesn't sound like he likes you at all!

Thinkingabout1t · 17/02/2020 22:29

I sympathise, but I'm glad he's good about your practical needs, bringing you drinks and medicines etc. If he wasn't doing that I'd say he was a jerk, but as it is I wonder if laughing (inappropriately) is his only way of coping, and he may not mean to be as callous as he sounds? Is he trying, clumsily, to cheer you up?

Still, it' upsetting you and he needs to be a lot more sympathetic.

antwacky · 17/02/2020 22:29

What a dick head! I know someone who do this and it's really annoying, I think it's because they are scared someone might pay you some attention/show you some sympathy so they have to try to deflect (hope that makes sense). It's like they want the other person to agree with them and start picking on you too. Sounds like you have had more than your fair share of illness and pain and Pneumonia is awful and i hope you feel better very soon.