Teenage son driving me mad

[HowManyTimesDoI]

So as my username says how many times do I have to repeat the same stuff before it sinks in and he gets it?

I don't think I'm asking much, I just want him when he takes his trousers off to have the legs both the same way so when I've washed them to hang up to dry I'm not having to always change one of the legs

I've asked and I've threatened but alas nothing changes. AIBU to ask this of a 14 yo and if not what threat should I use and carry out?

I've previously threatened to empty the contents of the kitchen bin on his bed.

What a dick you are🤣 threatened to empty a bin on his bed because he doesn’t put his trouser leg in the right way? You could have far worse issues

He needs an incentive. Money in return for jobs. If he never does anything then why would he start now? Also be prepared to give constant reminders as they have bad memories and all the pressures of school. In fact it is easier not to bother sometimes.

This is the final straw
He does nothing around the house. It's far from the only thing he should do
I'm sick of working full time and he does nothing around the house

then
I'm at a loss why most of you think it's acceptable

Because you never posted any of that in your opening post.
People were replying to what you put in your opening post - that he didn't make sure his dirty trousers were neat in the washing basket.

If you'd put all that information in your first post you'd have had different responses, but you didn't.

as a kid I was expected to clean the whole house each weekend

Were you, really? Or are you exaggerating for effect? If not, your parents were knobs and set you unrealistic expectations of teenagers.

Perhaps try the usual methods of punishment, no WiFi or grounding, before dumping waste on his bed like a total loon.

One of my teens seems to need to have a massive bollocking for letting things slide, confiscate everything, announce cancellation of Netflix, grounded, the lot. Then he gets back to basics and becomes lovely and helpful again.

The other teen is very different and needs everything to be her own idea so I tend to drop hints, have conversations that she overhears, and ask her about hypothetical teen issues for her 'advice'.

It's hard being a teenager and it's hard parenting one. Hope things improve for you

Get him to do his own washing. He's more than old enough.

That's a pretty minor thing to get so upset about.

Can't you just tell him he is doing his own laundry from now?

Emptying the bin on his bed is just ridiculous. And disrespectful and completely out of proportion.

Ask him to come to the kitchen : utility wherever and re- adjust the trousers, in real time and put them in the machine
Done !

Have you been drinking?

Your teen DS puts his dirty washing in the laundry basket. Be thankful for that alone!

Having raised three teens - now adults 🎉 I can honestly say I never noticed if one leg of their trousers were inside out. Probably because it wouldn’t have bothered me. At 14 they ironed their own clothes

Mine is 24. I still check the pockets which are usually full of rubbish.
I do it because I want to. I don't like it for sure. I divorced his df because he was as bad if not even worse. his DM was horrible I divorced him years ago.
Not helpful I know. But to me it's an element of loving DS and giving him a sense of being cared about.

I don’t think it’s acceptable but I do think it’s normal unfortunately.

There is some scientific stuff about memory which I can’t remember all the details of but it’s something to do with short term and long term memory. Basically things only progress to long term memory if they are important to you. Everything else gets discarded by the brain almost immediately. My interpretation of this is that it really is like Groundhog Day - you can continually tell someone the same thing over and over again but if that information isn’t important to them it’s not committed to memory and really is just like you’ve never said it before.

I do feel your pain OP, interestingly I have also found that my DD is doing all the same things her older brother did even though she heard me bang on about them with him for 2 years. Y10/age 14 seemed to be the start of the downward spiral in this house.

As a kid I was expected to clean the whole house each weekend

My sister and I definitely did this every Saturday as teenagers as my mother worked 6 days a week running a business. I really was responsible for cleaning a large house ( we had tenants to help with the rent). I didn't see it as anything but normal and frankly chose to clean the house in preference to helping out in the cafe ( which was the alternative and meant getting up at 4.30am on a Saturday )) and my parents were not dicks, they were living, hard working parents who expected us to help.

Op, I agree, your DS should be doing more. How you enforce it, I have no idea. If you succeed, let me know how.

I would think it's less effort to turn the legs the right way yourself than to keep going on about it?

yeah it is way less effort.

which is why there are so many fucking entitled useless adults who don't understand simple shit like how to put your stuff in a laundry basket/washing machine/drier so it doesn't get ruined.

Keep going OP. Keep trying to make your teenager learn how to be an actual adult. Instead of one who has someone else (a woman no doubt) turn the fucking legs of his trousers for him because she is so grateful that he puts his stuff in the laundry basket instead of "keep going on about it" when he doesn't. repeat for washing up, cleaning etc.

this thread is depressing.

I don't mention it but place laundry (usually socks and trousers) on his desk chair.
If they go back in the laundry bin unchanged then they go back on the chair.
We don't fall out and I certainly don't storm around the house emptying bins on family members beds, but I do refuse to spend my time untangling a teenager laundry.

I don't have a DS but had a teenage brother who did nothing whilst the rest of us pitched in. It was infuriating at the time, and I think has impacted our relationship as adults. But the only one suffering now is him, as he can't do or more like won't do anything for himself.

Wash them as you find them. In our house If clothes or socks are put in the wash scrunched up in a ball or inside out, I wash, dry and return them like that.

Just tell him you have allocated one day a week for him to do his own washing from now on and step back. He'll soon learn to do it properly if he has to hang up his own washing.

My DS is now 20 - I have failed to teach him that pants and socks shouldn't come down to washing inside trousers - it is irritating but he's working at his college, remembers other household jobs like bins and dishwasher and frankly it takes less than a minute to sort out when I'm doing the washing - it's just not worth getting stressed over!

Fl pInsist he does what he has been told to do. I have three teens, they all love to moan to high-heaven frequently but they always do what I have asked as they know I won’t put up with disrespect. You CAN change the dynamic.

Dd used to wear socks over tights at school and they were put in laundry like that, washed and returned like that. Message received. Ds often has a concertina leg on his trousers. Dh never empties pockets and I get a windfall every now and then. All busy people suffering the results

What has happened previously when you've shown him how to do laundry and left him to it? How long does he seriously manage with no clean clothes?
If you continue to do everything for him then he'll let you, and expect the same of his future wife/partner. By 14 he should be developing some life skills

pallisers has it!

Mine is 11 and on the many occasions he doesnt bother with this stuff, I tell him he has to iron it himself. If it comes down to it then he's not allowed computer time / to play with his friends until he's done it. He doesn't have to do many chores, this is one little thing he really should do.

I think take the approach to him that you are teaching him life skills and that growing up is about learning adult skills not just about freedom.

I’m amazed you are doing washing for a 14 year old !
Why isn’t he doing it himself ? He’s 14, not 4 !