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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbours noise - would appreciate honest views

35 replies

Dcle · 17/02/2020 20:40

Struggling to know what to do - live in a semi, neighbour both in 80s, both hard of hearing. TV on permanently so loud we can hear EVERY WORD through wall.

There isn't much in their lives so to be nice people we have tolerated it, but they have recently moved to watching TV upstairs from 7pm so it's so loud it's waking children.

I genuinely don't know what to do. Was so frustrated tonight (I can't concentrate) I nearly snapped and was going to bang on wall, but I haven't. If I ask them I am sure they might turn it down but then I'd feel awful as they clearly need it that loud to hear. Wwyd?

OP posts:

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 17/02/2020 20:41

What else can you do but talk to them? They aren’t mind readers.
Either that all you’ll have to move!

couchlover · 17/02/2020 20:41

Tell them you are happy to tolerate it downstairs but not upstairs as its waking your children. I would suggest to them they use subtitles

VivaLeBeaver · 17/02/2020 20:42

You definitely need to talk to them....maybe they could move the tv to the other side of the room and not be on the dividing wall, that might help? Or watch tv in a different room. Nightmare, I would hate this.

Tulipan · 17/02/2020 20:43

It might not actually be that loud. I can hear every word my neighbours say upstairs because the old chimney breasts carry all the noise. I put wardrobes on that side of the house upstairs to muffle the noise.

FET2020 · 17/02/2020 20:44

Buy them posh cordless headphones

Wilmalovescake · 17/02/2020 20:44

Do they have hearing aids? You can get home loops now.

Original poster

Dcle · 17/02/2020 20:44

Thankyou for practical advice. I'll have that conversation with them about downstairs and potential moving television.. Feel v guilty as recognise its not their fault they can't hear but can't keep going night after night with it waking us all up. Thanks again

OP posts:

anotherlittlechicken · 17/02/2020 20:46

@Dcle

Can you invest in soundproofing?

www.insulationexpress.co.uk/guides/acoustic-insulation/how-to-soundproof-a-wall/

What age is your house?

Crockof · 17/02/2020 20:49

Do they have hearing aids? We've just got my gran a hearing loop it's made the world of difference.

alittlequinnie · 17/02/2020 20:52

Hi OP - I feel your pain.

When it's neighbour noise in your house it's awful because there's nowhere for you to go to escape it.

I aree wtih all the suggestions above - go around at a time when they are not doing it and you are feeling calmer about it.

Ask them if there is anything you can do to make it so that they can watch the TV but you and your family are not disturbed.

Go armed with a few different suggestions and politely talk about how each one might work and what do they think?

Try to be as factual and unemotional about it - fact - you can hear it - but try and put a few different solutions.

I am not a fan of watching tv with subtitltes but I do have a few hard of hearing clients and they get on very well with the headphones - hwever, you might create another issue in that if they "chat" whilst watching TV you will have to put up with them shouting at one another lol!

If they are not sure on any of your solutions then ask them if they can go back to the way it was a few weeks ago - when you were sort of okay ish with it?

Best way is to keep calm and only approach when it is not a current issue - i have lost the plot with my neighbours a few times over noise and it does not help your case!

Sparklesocks · 17/02/2020 20:54

We had this, an elderly lady next door would have the telly on full blast all day. Not the end of the world as we both work full time so were out a lot, but she also enjoyed a few glasses of wine every night and would fall into a deep sleep around 9-10pm and the tv would be on all night long. And never on those channels that cut out after a certain hour, it was round the clock! normally I could make out exactly what characters were saying at 3am or recognise a certain advert.

We didn’t want to cause trouble as she was elderly and mostly housebound, so I wouldn’t want to deprive her of her tv. But equally it started keeping us up all night and affected our work, so we ended up going round there and gently explaining the issue.

She was very reasonable and apologetic and the tv was kept at a better volume level from then on, plus her adult children added a timer on it so it would turn off after an hour or two if she hadn’t pressed anything on the remote. Much better! It’s always worth talking to people face to face about these things.

Original poster

Dcle · 17/02/2020 20:56

Thanks so much, all those are really helpful suggestions. I'll definitely have a chat with them tomorrow. Feel so bad as they too are housebound and they have lived in house for like 50 years but it's just so tough when you feel you can't escape it!

OP posts:

Itwasntme1 · 17/02/2020 21:07

My parents watch tv so loud it sometimes hurts my ears. Luckily their next door neighbour is of a similar vintage😊.

If I comment they say next door never complains! I think if next door said something they would turn the tv down.

ArthurShelbysTash · 17/02/2020 21:28

No advice but our neighbours are deaf and have moved the TV to the joining wall. We can hear it word for word. I thought it was to accommodate the christmas tree and it would move back after christmas but sadly not.
They also got an Alexa for Christmas. Joy.
We think they have Virgin Media which broadcasts a few seconds faster than Sky so we can't even sync up with them if we are watching the same. I keep meaning to have a word but she is disabled and housebound and I know tv is important to her. It's so difficult, I know she would be upset if she knew how much it was bothering us but it is loud because her disability means her hearing is degenerating.
I know that is no help to you at all, but you are not alone!

glenhaggis · 17/02/2020 21:32

I find it really irritating but what can you do? I don't watch TV and the Alexa is next to my laptop so the volume is low on the very rare occasions that I actually listen to music. I can hear next door's conversations, hear them sneeze, turn their bathroom light on, have a shower. They listen to the Archers omnibus at the weekend. About the only good thing is that they appear to either be celibate or have extremely quiet sex since I've thankfully never heard that.

They aren't excessively noisy but our house is exceptionally quiet.

Didshereally · 17/02/2020 21:42

My teen DS, Dad and I are all hard of hearing, from young age, We regularly have problems with pitching TV at right level, I have to check numeric value on sound bar of volume display.

As they've both become increasingly hard of hearing in old age, unlikely they've realised volume has crept up so much. I'd Knock on the door and let them know.
They could ring their local adult services, as they have a sensory loss teams which includes advice and all sorts equipment including hearing loops for TVs (so they can he at it quieter!), flashing doorbells and smoke alarms.

amusedbush · 17/02/2020 21:48

Before my grandad died he would put the TV up so loud that even my (equally old!) granny would shout at him to turn it down. He got wireless headphones that synced to the telly so he wasn’t disturbing anyone.

I hate any sort of confrontation or awkward conversations but if it’s that bad you’ll need to talk to them.

Really123456 · 17/02/2020 21:51

We have this issue with my father in law, why he doesn't get a hearing aid I don't bloody know!

Meltedicicle · 17/02/2020 21:56

Just wanted to say years ago my Gran who lived in a ground floor flat had a visit from the upstairs neighbours about this issue and she was horrified as she had no idea it was so loud. She was more than happy to put headphones in.

Didshereally · 17/02/2020 22:32

Really123456
I understand why your FIL is reluctant to get hearing aids.

If it helps, ime Hearing aids don't suit everyone. They don't replace your hearing in same way and come with some significant 'side effects'.

Your FIL will have gotten more hard of hearing over time and adjusted.

Im hard of hearing and youngish and like my quiet(er) world. I got too many headaches wearing hearing aids, you can get overwhelmed with level of background noise too. And if anyone shouts near you it's soooo flipping painful. You can't tune out some noise to focus on others when wearing them, like you can with your own natural hearing. (not with NHS hearing aids anyway.) (Like many, I've one "good" one "bad", not so great for pin pointing direction of a sound!)

DDad has only worn hearing aids for few years although he's been hard of hearing since a young child.

He takes them out regularly as they're too much for him. He says it's all too noisy.
tHe really hates it when GDC shout to each other, squeal with excitement or make any sudden noise, you can see him flinch as if someone's stabbed him, he holds his ear for quite a few minutes afterwards in pain (& he's a tough man!)..... I also suspect DDad takes them out for a break as DM talks too much!

Didshereally · 17/02/2020 22:33

Whoops ... "Like many, I've one "good" one "bad" EAR (I missed out that word) .."

glenhaggis · 17/02/2020 22:37

My mother had hearing aids, expensive ones, but they were useless a lot of the time - they picked up sounds in the room but not the people who were sitting next to her. They don't help as much as people think they do.

Harveypuss · 17/02/2020 22:40

Hopefully a neighbourly chat will work for you with suggestions of those headphones as an option.

We had this with our first house, a small semi and elderly neighbours who were very deaf. Their telly was so loud we had to watch what they were watching as the sound of their programme would over-ride ours. It was awful. Unfortunately they were not receptive to any complaints and accused us of being disrespectful and uncaring, stating we had our health and happiness and all they had in life was their TV. We were so embarrassed, but I guess that was their intention, to deflect it back onto us.

The only option we had was to move house. We're now in a detached property and it's bliss!

Cupcakecafe · 17/02/2020 22:42

Is it definitely an age thing?
My FIL has the tv so loud I can barely hear myself think and end up with a headache every time we go there.
I asked my husband about it once - his answer was FIL has the tv so loud so that it drowns out MIL and his children/grandchildrens conversations so he doesnt have to pay attention to them. He also has to be able to hear the tv from wherever he is (even the garden) so he can complain that he was "watching" whatever was on if someone changes the channel or turns it down.
Hes only in his early 60s but hes just a dick.

Lanurk · 17/02/2020 22:43

Next door to me has a teenage/ early 20’s son who likes... certain things streamed on his computer when his folks are away. He likes them at full volume and his tv shares a wall with out headboard which isn’t much fun. Tried having an uncomfortable conversation with him but he accused me of thinking he was a pervert so that ended the chat and I’ve not made eye contact with him ever again. He keeps his volume a lot lower these days...

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