Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be able to get over this insult

50 replies

Bitchcooking · 17/02/2020 15:16

LTL here have read a lot but not posted.
But something that my sister call me this weekend has tipped me over the edge and I do not think I can move on nor do I want to.

We met for lunch and had an argument. We have both in different ways had a lot on our plates and think this hasn’t helped.
She ended up walking out on me as we waited for our meals and then when I called her she told me I was a “selfish fucking c**t and never there for her”
We are not especially close in fact I have felt disliked by her for a while now. This isn’t a drip feed thread, I’ve learned to live with it the wider issues in our non relationship but I am so very angry she called me this.

Would you take that from anyone never mind a relative
Am I wrong to cut my losses and show her that is a step too far.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 17/02/2020 15:18

Sorry that happened it sounds stressful.

In your shoes? I'd not bother making contact. And if she does contact you - see how it goes.

GinDaddy · 17/02/2020 15:18

Is that normal parlance for you both? Or has she just suddenly pressed the nuclear button so to speak?

If the latter, then why not go non-contact for a while - show her the import of her words?

Ponoka7 · 17/02/2020 15:22

It's either you are both brutally honest and sort out your relationship, or you have very low contact.

You both need a week to cool off.

Original poster
Bitchcooking · 17/02/2020 15:22

She has called me this before
To my face and to others. With no reason at all and I really hate it it’s made me feel hated.

I am wasting my time are t I

OP posts:
Clangus00 · 17/02/2020 15:25

That would be the last contact I had with her for a long time.

GinDaddy · 17/02/2020 15:26

@Bitchcooking

There's a reason why I asked if she had used that phrase before.

It sounds like you may have an emotionally disfunctional dynamic, and you need to step away from it entirely in order for it to improve.

Original poster
Bitchcooking · 17/02/2020 15:26

Have had low contact on and off for about four years now
Not my choice but she just doesn’t seem to like me at all.

I have decided the relationship has sadly run it’s course but I just wondered if I was over reacting to the insult. My husband and kids just say she doesn’t like me and to leave her well alone now. My husband was actually really angry about it and was going to drive over she lives an hour away I said not to bother as I’ve made my mind up

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 17/02/2020 15:30

It isn't a nice thing to be called, it sounds like it is an accumulation of t
Issues built up. Is she crying out for support or been bossy. It is hard to know why she left and flipped out. What caused the arguement.

Original poster
Bitchcooking · 17/02/2020 15:46

She’s called me it a few times and told others I was one. Don’t even know what I have done and that’s the truth.

We were talking about general stuff , being tired and children, work etc .
We have both been unwell but she out of nowhere said I was competing for sympathy. Which I wasn’t . When I asked her what she meant and that she was being out of order just pushed her chair back and stormed off. Neither of us were drinking so that’s not involved.

It’s the nastiness about her when she is like this which is the bit I can’t stand. The way that word just comes so easy to her.Could take a difference of opinion or an argument even though I don’t like these especially.

OP posts:
Modestandatinybitsexy · 17/02/2020 16:03

Sounds like either she wanted it to be all about her and doesn't think you deserve the same opportunities to vent

Or

She could feel you're an Elevenerifer always trying to one up her

Hard to tell without knowing either of you, have the others she's told agreed or been surprised by her comments?

Wotrewelookinat · 17/02/2020 16:50

One of my sisters called me a fcking bitch and cunt, not to my face but on a public post on SM. We never really had a lot in common and there are many underlying issues, but that was it for me. We’ve barely spoken for 2+ years and it bothers me not one jot.

Mummiepig · 17/02/2020 18:03

Me and my sister have a rocky relationship, she emailed me saying “ I’m cutting you out, enjoy your life you fucking selfish bitch”
I want a friendship/relationship so I’ve ignored it as a heat of the moment comment, but tbh we’ve never come back from it, we’re very low contact now, it hurts but she obviously hates me, times a great healer it’s been a few years and it’s starting to get easier
Maybe go low contact from now on, and don’t pursue her, I’ve learnt that the hard way

Bringbackthebill · 17/02/2020 18:07

I’d go low contact without a backward glance.

DrManhattan · 17/02/2020 20:05

Move on. You dont need all that drama in your life.

SalmonOfKnowledge · 17/02/2020 20:12

What does she want you to be there for?

You're not being unreasonable to decide to walk away.

You're not being unreasonable to decide that she is using drama to make you feel guilty.

Has she ever been specific about what it is she wants you to be present for?

When it comes to a sibling, I would try and get to the bottom of that before I just walked away.

Of course some people just want you to be around so that they can project their own crap and berate you. My x is angry with me that I didn't stay to take his abuse. I've never been able to get any clarity on why he hates me all these years later!

Cherrysoup · 17/02/2020 20:13

No loss, I’d say, although I know this could be very awkward for family events and going nc isn’t easy. However, I don’t think I’d want her in my life.

AgentJohnson · 18/02/2020 01:13

I am wasting my time are t I

Yes you are, this is who she is.

VenusTiger · 18/02/2020 01:55

There's definitely a reason she is literally losing it like this OP, storming out of a restaurant as though she can't be bothered to explain as though you should know why she's upset with you.
Personally (been in similar situation not so long ago) I would find out why she's feeling this way. There could be a reason why she's being so hateful towards you (and it did drive me mad not knowing, until I finally simply asked) - she's either jealous of your lifestyle and thinks you shouldn't be "moaning" about anything ever (she might be going through something awful she's not telling anyone about, and passively crying for help - or, she has an historical issue with you which you may or may not know anything about.
Who instigated the lunch? Did she start the subject of work/family life etc. and then did you start doing the same and she just didn't like it? Is she usually all 'woe is me'?
I don't think I could leave this OP - if you want closure, and you want to feel a bit 'better' about it all, then find out what her beef is once and for all.

mumsie2019 · 18/02/2020 02:12

Avoid and avoidance and don't speak like that yourself to her or your family.
Power play?

S0upertrooper · 18/02/2020 02:13

When my mum was in palliative care an elderly aunt was banging on to me (as usual) about their hotel being too hot, breakfast too greasy etc, etc. I'd booked their train tickets, paid for their hotel, taken them out for dinner, taxied them around in my car. I'd had enough of her whining and I was pretty upset about my poor mum and said 'I can't listen to this right now'. Standing in the street she screamed back: 'You're nothing but a selfish little bitch!'

I haven't spoken to her since that day over 3 years ago. I will not be spoken to like that as I didn't deserve it. You don't have to accept this behaviour OP.

HannaYeah · 18/02/2020 03:50

You sound like a reasonable person based on what you’ve written here.

What is her life like?

Leflic · 18/02/2020 04:06

Keep doing the same, keep getting the same result.

Although I do wonder about the when I asked her what she meant and said that she was being out of order?

She said you were competing for sympathy. It’s fairly obvious what that means.
Were you actually listening to her or did you respond with your own takes of woe?
And why was she “ out of order” to say that?

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/02/2020 04:57

Is there something in her life so much more difficult than yours? My mother doesn’t recognise how hard my life is for example. Any time I have ever said anything about me, she makes it about her. That is the very definition of selfish. I’m disabled, chronically ill, have had major surgery twice etc. She also had a nasty surgery but is recovered. Unlike me. If you’re doing things like comparing having back ache to over all chronic pain, especially the post surgery pain, for which I have to pay for two painful and draining weekly body work treatments, then yes, that’s bloody horrible. If not, she’s the selfish one.

Toomanygerbils · 18/02/2020 05:04

You say this isn’t a drip feed but what was the conversation before she called you a c? I’m guessing it wasn’t a greeting and therefore something was said during or before the meal? And what is the background info to why you both ended up here?

gingersausage · 18/02/2020 05:31

If my close relative went off on one like that, I’d be more worried about what was going on in their life to make them feel like that, than about making drama with all the ridiculous no contact bullshit.

You obviously don’t like each other very much, so why even bother 🤷‍♀️

Swipe left for the next trending thread