To not be able to get over this insult

[Bitchcooking]

LTL here have read a lot but not posted.
But something that my sister call me this weekend has tipped me over the edge and I do not think I can move on nor do I want to.

We met for lunch and had an argument. We have both in different ways had a lot on our plates and think this hasn’t helped.
She ended up walking out on me as we waited for our meals and then when I called her she told me I was a “selfish fucking c**t and never there for her”
We are not especially close in fact I have felt disliked by her for a while now. This isn’t a drip feed thread, I’ve learned to live with it the wider issues in our non relationship but I am so very angry she called me this.

Would you take that from anyone never mind a relative
Am I wrong to cut my losses and show her that is a step too far.

It's hard to tell from one side of the story, Your sister may feel she was justified. She may indeed have been justified. We can't possibly judge who was right or wrong. But if it's not working for you, then walk away, just because she is your sister doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with her.

We all say awful things in the heat of the moment. Don't let that be that the reason you lose contact with her. Just tell her that comment really hurt and you don't want it used on you again. Sounds like it really hit a nerve. Just apologise for any shortcomings and see a counsellor for family therapy to get your relationship back on track. She's your sister...

Maybe she was upset about something and was hoping to come out with it in a slow way with you over lunch, but the convo turned to other things, illness and such. It sounds like she's a bit stressed to be honest, and maybe she has a lot on her plate. Was probably hard for her to listen to your complaints when she may have greater problems that she is used to keeping to herself. Hence the term she called you.

I think coming from your sister you need to get over the words she said.
put them behind you.

Sisters therapy? Do sisters ever do this?
Weird how couples do it but you do not hear of sisters doing it. You can get another husband i suppose but you cant get another sister in meddle age.

Obviously this isn't in any way acceptable. But is it worth just asking her once what the hell caused this over-reaction? At least then you'd know where you stood and if you've completely made the right decision. For instance have your parents always played you off against each other and for the wrong reasons she blames you rather than them? It's still unacceptable but there may be a chance of getting to the bottom of it. On the other hand, if she uses anger just to gain a power advantage over you, then there's no coming back from that as she's unlikely to change.

Thanks for the comments and advice, I have taken it and read it as like I say I am unsure if this really should mean the end of things with her.

She has a great life. Stable marriage, lovely children, a beautiful home and no financial worries. She doesn’t need to work but does something a day a week with a friend.
She did have a health scare but she has got through that early last year. She is quite controlling towards me and was totally absent when I went through a very difficult time in my own life about four years ago. It has never really improved since then though twice she has broken down and apologised: give it a few weeks and its back to normal.

She has said some unkind things about my children and went berserk when my parents leant me some money when we had none, saying they needed to reflect it in the will.

I’ve spent years wracking my brains as to why she is the way she is with me and I don’t know. I know as sisters you do things that piss each other but I have supported her and loved her all my life it’s just that latterly she seems to have pitied me and felt somehow superior and able to cast aspersions.

I don’t know really, I’m baffled.
But something in me has hardened after being called this again. I cannot stand it.

My family including our parents and family friends think she is out of line, they know that I have been a good sister. I appreciate it is hard for them as they cannot be sene to take sides no do I want them to but it is painful for me to know they are sometimes together and she is saying these things, in fact sometimes it makes me really bloody angry.

We had a large circle of mutual childhood friends some of whom I am still very close to and they are not surprised.

I have spent a lot of last night talking about this with my husband and I have decided I am just going to withdraw. I am not poking the hornets nest again because it’s too painful

I tried to ask her on the phone if there was something that had happened to make her speak to me like that but she either ignored me or didn’t want to answer.

She sounds like an unhappy person despite having a nice life.

Are there any other siblings? What is the birth order? What are your parents like, and their marriage?

Are you the golden child, and your sister the scapegoat, or maybe the other way around?

My relationship with my two older brothers is pretty bad. We are all Very Angry. They seem to find me unacceptable as a human being (I have chronic illness, can’t work etc.). Our parents were very dysfunctional, crap marriage but stayed together (the worst!).

I suspect sibling stuff goes back to long before we can remember.

“She has a great life”. Maybe she’s trying to tell you it isn’t so great. Maybe you envy what you think she has, so dismiss her problems.

Are you selfish? Are you unkind to her? How can we judge if she was unreasonable if we don’t know?

I don’t get the “no contact” thing. It’s all so dramatic. Just don’t arrange to see her till you feel like it.

Yeah I'd stay away from her tbh, she doesn't sound like she's a very positive influence in your life

There are three sides to every story. Yours, hers and somewhere in the middle, the truth. It's still hard to tell if there is any blame to be laid either way, but just from reading your posts with an outsiders viewpoint, it does come across that you seem to think that because she has a nice home and a seemingly nice life that she doesn't really have any problems and by comparison you have an awful life and therefore you are the one that should be able to complain all the time. You are also quite dismissive of her health scare in the way you said "she got through that early last year". Maybe she didn't get through it and feels you are dismissing it, just as you feel she was dismissive of your "difficult time"

How is she controlling towards you if you don't see her? It seems strange that you never do anything wrong and that she is just mean to you for no reason. Usually there is a reason for someone's behaviour, not always justified, but still, a reason. I think you need to sit down calmly with her and discuss your problems, it seems a shame to lose a sibling without giving it every chance.

I’m certainly not selfish or unkind
Over the years I have helped her a great deal, supported her through some very difficult situations which my family don’t know about and I would never betray thar trust. When I had a terrible time with my marriage four years ago she went through the roof because it meant a cancelled holiday weekend and she cut me off for over a year. Spoke to my husband though. We are now reconciled but in front of him recently she tore me to shreds over my anxiety issues and suggested I needed tranquillisers.

Our parents are together I am the eldest there are no other siblings

She has called me this name three time’s before and once to my parents who were horrified.

controlling in that she bans my family from calling me when They are there
Monitoring me on social media and WhatsApp
Telling packs of lies about me to anyone who will listen
Tears of verbal abuse and coldness
The will thing which was horrendous and culminated in one of the times the c word was used when I had already told my parents to reduce my inheritance accordingly

I didn’t want this to be a drip feed because i am not sure how relevant it is
I accept we are all products of p it lifestyle opportunities problems etc my question was if you would take being called a selfish fucking cunt by your own sister in any basis whatsoever other than perhaps having an affair with her husband, stealing from her or ruining her life in some such form

I am not being dismissive of the health scare I was with her and helped her out with childcare, shopping, housework on top of my own and drove there and back

I called her and was there for her day and all times of the night - this was one of the times I was not wanted me around - then I was told to F off when I called her in tears about some bad news I had had.
I am not a perfect person but I am realising by writing this and trying to contextualise things that she has caused me a lot of pain.

I have buried a lot of the things I have tried to move past for the sale of the wider family and our children but every time I do I get trampled on and have poison poured on me by her soon or later

Meh. It’s just a word. I couldn’t get that outraged by “cunt”. The message is “I think you are despicable”, there must be trigger for her feeling like that.

A trigger for her finding me despicable?

Have you read my other posts?

Believe you me I have asked myself this over the years, as have family and friends. We are scratching our heads.

I have spent years now avoiding her since she repeats the same cycle of behaviour

If she was my husband or partner you would all be up in arms telling em it’s a red flag and that this is abuse leave now.

How peculiar that when it concerns two female relatives several of you have assumed the worst of me or some Fault on my part

Yeah, sounds like she has some very strong feelings towards you, for whatever reason... I suppose it's up to you whether you want to stick around to potentially be called this (or worse) again.
You can either a) no more contact or LC or b) outright ask her what her problem is and don't let her fob you off or skirt round it

I'd be asking her outright, you've nothing to lose.

This is sibling rivalry, which hasn’t resolved in adulthood for some reason. It could be her personality or it could be the parenting you / she received. It sounds as if she is jealous and expects to be overindulged and cannot stand it when she thinks that it is you, who is receiving any benefit. Stepping back is the best thing you can do. Sometimes you cannot help toxic people.

I tried to make a sibling relationship work but, a bit like you, she said some things that were the end for me. I went no contact and haven't spoken to her in over 10 years. She tried to get back in touch a few times but I wasn't having any of it, she wasn't sorry for what she had said or done.

She now goes on to a mutual friend how she has 'no idea' why we don't talk. Believe me I could remind her quite vividly!

Ages ago I shared a flat with a girl who was quite ill. I happened to have got very ill more or less the same time, but then luckily after a couple of months we both got better. Anyways, we had a huge row towards the end of the tenancy and she accused me of not doing something around the house, I said well it's because I had been ill as she knew, to which she blew that she had been much more ill (but she also was not doing much aorund the house, so hey ho, we were equel). The point is, it does not matter what you do, some people just like feeling sorry for themselves.

Sounds like it's the end of the road for you both. You won't get answers as to why she treats you the way she does. She's a bully and she won't change. Have a bit of self respect and block her from your life. Otherwise she will continue to treat you like shit on her shoe. I'd say in time you will feel immense relief and be glad you ditched the bitch.

I couldn't say YABU or not without knowing her side.