He's given me non-silent silent treatment for a week. What is it called??

[GalleryWall]

DH makes me a cuppa every morning when I come downstairs. We had an argument last Monday. He's continued to make the cuppa but communication from him is very low. He's barely talking but he isn't ignoring me. I need to have it out with him because his sulking is toxic but what on earth do I describe his behaviour as? He will say he hasn't given me the silent treatment or ignored me which is true, but he's barely talking.

I cannot decide either. Not wanting sex is a bit of a red flag. If you do not fancy your partner anymore that would be upsetting. Whether you are a man or a woman to be rejected is a real downer. I would be quiet too.

I think everybody is being unreasonable to call it sulking.

Obviously the argument hasn’t been resolved and you guys need to talk it out. It’s possible he is sulking, but it’s also possible you’ve trampled all over his feelings and made him feel very rejected, and shut him down every time he tries to talk about it, and now he’s depressed and fed up of arguing but doesn’t know what to say to you and doesn’t like you much right now.

🤷‍♀️ Just an alternative theory. I’m notnsure recruiting a load of strangers on the internet to reinforce your view that you’re 100% in the right is going to be very helpful for your marriage.

My DH and I have massively mismatched sex drives. It is immensely frustrating.

I don’t sulk and I don’t argue and I don’t push, but sometimes it’s depressing.

My DH is genuinely wonderful in masses of ways that outweigh his lack of desire.

But it’s hard sometimes.

Sulking and a relationship in its death throws. I couldn't live like that. Being a bit non communicative for a couple of hours whilst you calm down so you don't say something you'll regret is fine, sulking for day isn't, especially when it's about sex power games and he won't discuss it. How much do you want to stay with this bloke?

When mine does this I irritate him by being as sunny as cheerful as possible

It can be a form of grieving for something lost. You have to process it and so much is going through your head. Do you endure, have an affair, end the relationship. It really is a kind of hell that you can forget when busy but when it comes down to you two in the house it gets bloody hard not to lash out and continue to be understanding/patient.

You should probably just go to couples counselling though tbh.

There's no more effective way of making you clamp your legs tightly closed than a man sulking that he wants more sex..............

Ignore. He's doing this for a reaction, so even if it nearly kills you, don't react. Grey rock technique.

And when he's all smiley and happy and come out of it, you point out that the amount of time he was in this sulk is an equal amount of time on a complete sex ban because frankly it makes your libido run off screaming down the road.............

I think it’s more passive aggressive than sulking. Sulking is when you don’t talk.
He’s doing what my DH does which is just being slightly ‘off’ but not enough that you can really pull them up on it. They’ll be like ‘what?, I’m fine’.

I hate it as when I’m pissed off I’ll spell it out clearly and have it out. Hate passive aggressive people (his mum is just the same).

Nice and breezy
"Oi, OH Hundred Acre Wood just called Eeyore's getting worried you're stealing all his gloom, so do you wanna knock the misery shit on the head yet? It's alright if not, me and the kids will just carry on pretending it's normal for an adult to be a mardy arse dick, even though we're all a bit embarrassed by and fed up of your little flounce'
Or words to that effect.

It won't do you any favours to let sulking go unchallenged, it's the same for an adult as it is a child or teen. Tell him to pack that shit up or stay in his room. Whatever the issue was, his sulking is now a bigger one.

So he won't discuss it, reach a compromise or admit to sulking?.

Which only leaves...this will carry on and there can be no discussion of how this affects anyone else unless that discussion is 'Yes we will have more sex'.

That's not sulking, that's really nasty manipulative bollocks, that's what it's called.
Adults discuss their sex lives and if the first discussion fails, they try again

@HannaYeah but I think that regardless of why he’s feeling like this, barely speaking for a week rather than discussing it like an adult, sulking and not speaking is unlikely to get him what he wants or resolve the situation. It’s childish and abusive (IMO). Sadly, I know a family friend who does this for weeks at a time, his grown up children all have serious issues, I’ve posted about him before. I have no idea how his wife has tolerated his horrible behaviour for so long. I can’t stand him.

I think that you've vot it spot on yourself when you said he's creating an atmosphere.

He's not exactly doing himself many favours if he wants more sex with you is he?

What a childish prick.

And the tea thing is an extra little twist of the knife so he can pull the "why are you saying I've been horrible I've been making you tea every morning you're so ungrateful etc etc"

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone this exhausting?

It’s pretty hard to tell. I had a major argument with my dh late last year and for weeks afterwards I was off with him. Because I can’t tell until I’m ill again If he has taken the bigger parts of the discussion on board, all I have is the evidence that he hasn’t taken it on board before, and that he was hardly falling over himself with apologies, so there we were. I looked at him differently because if he can’t understand this then we won’t last as a couple. It wasn’t intentional but I could not feel any closer to him and I couldn’t hide it.
If it’s just a sulk then that is very unattractive though!

I cannot bear sulkers, fucking emotionally abusing their ‘loved’ ones to manipulate them and get them pandering to ‘fix’ the issue and receive the wonderful riveting speech again from the abuser. There’s no fucking excuse for it. Adults who ‘need to process’ not getting as much sex as you’d like(which is what OPs husband is abusing her about), go and fuckin cry in the toilet and wise up, maybe then someone will want to fuck you. People who aren’t shit can simply not abuse their wife, and be loving, decent people. Use your words.

If you despise the person you chose to marry, move out, divorce, you do not get to emotionally abuse them.

OP, just start mocking the behaviour choices like ‘ooooh sulking at me is super hot, so sexy!’ ‘Is this meant to be like...foreplay? I don’t get it.’ ‘I will not tolerate this, you know exactly what you’re doing, this is a toxic environment and it abuse to make me, and my kids live in that atmosphere. I’m going to move out to give you time to assess your behavioural choices.’

Passive aggressive

I would call that sexual coercion

So he’s trying to guilt trip you into having more sex with him by stealth sulking 🤔
You’re right you need to call him out on it OP

"Thanks for sulking this week by the way, means I didnt want to have to sex with you at all!"

It's called emotional abuse.

Also
Controlling behaviour.
Classic narcissism.
Total twat.
Take your pick.
EffYouSeeKaye

And since the topic of the argument was him wanting more sex, throw in sexual coercion.
YY to violetbunny

this will carry on and there can be no discussion of how this affects anyone else unless that discussion is 'Yes we will have more sex'.

That's not sulking, that's really nasty manipulative bollocks, that's what it's called.
Adults discuss their sex lives and if the first discussion fails, they try again
Also YY to lilmishap

And the tea thing is an extra little twist of the knife so he can pull the "why are you saying I've been horrible I've been making you tea every morning you're so ungrateful etc etc"
YYY JustForTheTasteOfIt

Ultimately the silent treatment is about power, who has it, who wields it, and to what end.

Since you predicted the silent treatment @GalleryWall, maybe you have experienced this before? He comes across as someone who is pretty good at choosing a course of action with high deniability and maximum impact ('creating an atmosphere' means you spend a lot of time playing the game called 'guess my mood').

Grey rock. Detach. The punishment only works if you let it. Step back, detach, observe.

Another poster also concerned that this behaviour is over wanting more sex.