I don't want me or my child to spend next Christmas at his mums house

[helin0]

So i'm currently around 7 weeks pregnant and my boyfriends mums side hates me for dumb reasons. I spent my last Christmas there and it was stressful because me and his family just don't get along. It wasn't a good experience. The whole vibe felt fake and forced and I felt like it's a place I really don't enjoy spending my favourite holiday in. I only sacrificed it because my boyfriend really wanted me to be there and I didn't want to upset him. I'm pregnant now and I really don't want to spend my next Christmas there with my child as I don't trust some of his family members and I don't want my child to feel how stressed I am being there. I don't feel comfortable at all with it but he's persistent and offended that I don't want to sacrifice my Christmas feeling uncomfortable. I know it sounds bad but I don't even trust my child there without me. I don't know what to do.

Sounds very dramatic, what have they actually done to make you feel this way

What most people do in these situations is alternate each year. So if you spent last year with your partner’s family then this year would be spent with yours.

At least you have 33 weeks to get this and other boundaries sorted out. It depends on how bad they are really. Most people would rather have Christmas with their own family rather than their in laws. The compromise is to split the day, alternate or stay home.

just don't go and have it just the 3 of you

simple, the. go to his family on a different day

Hmm! I think long term Christmas is the least of your worries. You are having a baby with a man whose family you can't stand and don't want to be with. You do know that when the baby comes they are likely to want to spend even more time with you all so they can see their grandchild?

Have you thought this through?

You are tying yourself in to years of this by having a child with him - these will be your child's grandparents. You can do Christmas day at your place, go to your parents, alternate, but all of it will involve negotiating with them because they will always want to see their son and their grandchildren over the Christmas period. Will your boyfriend prioritise you and the baby over his parents?

Don’t go. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Learning to say no is a wonderful, freeing thing. Try it 😊

Do you live with him? He can’t force you to go there or take the baby from you to go.

You could start a new tradition of having Christmas at home once you have a child.

They make it very clear they don't like me. The way they talk and act and everything. I'm always being ignored in conversations and she purposely invites my boyfriend's ex's family around whens he knows we'll be there.

I love my boyfriend and I don't mind at all if they want to spend time with the child. I just don't trust some distant family members who will be there on Christmas Day. Just because me and the family don't get along doesn't mean the grandparents can't spend time with the child. I'd never come between that.

You’ve got plenty of time to think about this/sort it out, it’s only February. Your bigger concern though should be that you are having a child with a man whose family you don’t like. You need to find compromises because they will be in your child’s life.

I'm always being ignored in conversations and she purposely invites my boyfriend's ex's family around whens he knows we'll be there.

What does your boyfriend say when all this is going on?

Just don’t go. You’re an adult, stand up for yourself. I am amazed by the amount of people who suffer through things playing happy families when everything is fake. It’s toxic. Just be real and if you don’t want to do something don’t do it.

I haven't had a christmas at my parents in four years due to this.
Just don't go.

What don’t you trust about the distant family members?

Are you sure you even want to keep the baby? It sounds like there's no real commitment between you both (and I would not want to commit to someone whose family hates me and don't want me around), you're only 7 weeks, I would terminate, walk away from him and his family. Do you really want to be biologically tied to them for life?

What does your boyfriend say? Does he stick up for you? Does he even want the baby? Do his family know you're pregnant/if so what was their reaction.

Bloody hell we’ve only just got Christmas out of the way and you’re worrying about the next one! Probably not fair to get pregnant with his child and then tell him you don’t want anything to do with his family! How would you feel if he said the same about your family? You don’t have to spend Christmas with them but they are going to be involved in your life for the next god knows how many years if you have a child with him..

Agree we need examples of their behaviour!

It's February. You don't need to make decisions about Christmas at this time. But just keep it in mind that nobody can make you go where you don't want to be. So put it out of your mind, enjoy your pregnancy and use this time to set a few boundaries.

His family is going to be your baby's family too.

You haven't given any evidence to suggest the fault is on their side. In fact, you sound very immature. Doesn't sound like the ideal environment for a baby.

I've been through this. I spent the first Christmas there, well I visited for an hour or so, there was tension as I had previously made everyone aware that I didn't want anyone kissing my baby, his family had been repeat offenders of this and his mother did it again Infront of me on Christmas day when we got there. It was horrible. We weren't even together still at this point but as I had no family of my own (mother passed away in 2013 and no other close family to speak of) he wanted to take the baby to visit as it was her first Christmas. I got nagged to take her again the year just gone, I stuck to my guns and said no. It seems tradition in their family for everyone to go there for dinner and to open presents, but I didn't want that to become tradition for me, especially as we had already separated. I want to make my own traditions with my daughter and have Christmas here in her own home, not fit into theirs. Do what YOU want to do!

OP, since you are having a child with him, you do need to be able to discuss your feelings/his family going forward. Most people alternate christmas’s.

Wow, that escalated quickly, from someone suggesting to just not go, to having an abortion just to avoid it. 🙄 Can we have a bit of perspective?

Why are you worrying about this in February when you’re only 7 weeks pregnant?