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Original poster

Ways to stop DH taking my child to his home country

42 replies

TellMeMore2020 · 16/02/2020 12:44

Posting here for more traffic...

I'm 14 weeks pregnant and had a dreadful nightmare last night.
I'm British and DH is Turkish.

He has never threatened to do anything of the sort but my nightmare last night has really made me think! In the dream we broke up and I asked for a divorce.. he then threatened to take my baby back to Turkey with him.

Is there any laws/ways this can be prevented? If I don't give my consent then surely that's enough?! (Maybe I'm being naïve)

OP posts:
glenhaggis · 16/02/2020 12:46

I'd be concerned why you are having a baby with this man if you don't trust him - it seems like you don't.

1Morewineplease · 16/02/2020 12:47

Get a passport for your baby and hide it .

tenredthings · 16/02/2020 12:48

Go and register his birth by yourself, keep him off the birth certificate. You can always add him at a later date once you are more confident with how things are going.

slipperywhensparticus · 16/02/2020 12:48

A, vivid dreams are common in pregnancy

B, if you split he could need a child arrangements order or a letter off you giving permission to leave the country

Slat3 · 16/02/2020 12:48

DH or DP?
If DP give baby your surname ... (assuming that he wouldn’t be able to take him abroad without a letter from yourself)

MissEliza · 16/02/2020 12:48

I guess the safest way is making sure your dc's passport is kept somewhere else but presumably he could apply for a Turkish passport and travel on that. My dh is from an Arab country so I have considered this possibility too. Ultimately it boils down to trust.

WorraLiberty · 16/02/2020 12:49

Go and register his birth by yourself, keep him off the birth certificate. You can always add him at a later date once you are more confident with how things are going.

FFS he's her husband and this was a dream

glenhaggis · 16/02/2020 12:52

Go and register his birth by yourself, keep him off the birth certificate. You can always add him at a later date once you are more confident with how things are going.

That's all well and good if the OP's DH is threatening to take their DC abroad but it was the OP's dream!

Reginabambina · 16/02/2020 12:54

Turkey is a signatory of the Hauge convention on this issue. Basically he can’t remove the child from its country of habitual abode, if he does the Turkish authorities are bound to return the child to the U.K. All of the above suggestions are completely OTT and not that helpful anyway.

Original poster
TellMeMore2020 · 16/02/2020 12:54

Yes it was just a vivid dream but of course it gave me food for thought.

He's my DH not DP.

OP posts:
TeaAndWine · 16/02/2020 12:54

Go and register his birth by yourself, keep him off the birth certificate.

Jesus wept

Wannakisstheteacher · 16/02/2020 12:55

I would recommend not getting pregnant by someone you don't trust to leave the country with your baby. It was a dream and yet you are still asking how to prevent it. Dreams are often just our subconscious fears.

ilovedjerrymore · 16/02/2020 12:56

Op have you discussed visits to his birth country when baby arrives? Does he have family still there that he will want to meet his baby. Even though it was just a dream maybe in hindsight it’s a good thing as now you can both talk about future trips etc.

How long have you been together?

MummySharn · 16/02/2020 12:56

Can you talk to him about your dream?

Original poster
TellMeMore2020 · 16/02/2020 13:02

Married 4 years. Yeah his parents are in Turkey and we've visited many many times together over the years.

I think what has spurred this dream on has been the talk on the news around the new visa system coming into place next year. If for some reason he gets rejected for his ILR he'd need to go back to Turkey. I don't speak the language and I've already made it clear I'd prefer to bring our child up here.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/02/2020 13:06

Tbh isn't doesn't sound like the strongest of marriages anyway.

I wouldn't want to live in Turkey either but I married my husband for better or worse and if he could no longer live in the UK, of course I'd go with him.

That and the fact you're worried he's going to kidnap his child, doesn't bode well for the future.

MercedesDeMonteChristo · 16/02/2020 13:07

This may not be helpful as it was many years ago, but my dad (Turkish) took my brother to Turkey ahead of me and my mum one year and he needed an authorised letter from my mum, there was an embassy trip if I remember correctly. My mum was pretty impressed by seriously it was taken. That said I think this was when we were added to our parents passports but we had a Turkish passport from birth. It was a long time ago, but based on PP above it sounds like legislation is in place.

MissEliza · 16/02/2020 13:09

Why do you think he'll be rejected for his ILR?

Original poster
TellMeMore2020 · 16/02/2020 13:16

@misseliza

Well we're still waiting on more information about what the new rules will be. They're saying an Australian style points system etc, but were wondering if they'll increase the threshold etc. DH has a Master's degree from Brighton Uni so hopefully that will help us.

Our human rights solicitor told us at the time of applying 4 years ago that we are automatically rejected by the HO and have to prove otherwise (genuine/have enough money in the bank). So it makes you think how strict they are!

OP posts:
Skysblue · 16/02/2020 13:19

Ok so you are pregnant and need to stop stressing. You had an odd dream, they happen, especially during pregnancy. It doesn’t mean you don’t trust your husband etc, it means your brain is trying to make sense out of what it experienced during the day.

You’re married and having a child together. He is not going to get deported when he has a British wife and child.

If you did break up in future then it would be illegal for him to remove the child from country of habitual residence without your permission.

Even if you don’t break up he is still supposed to show he has your permission before taking child out of country.

Go do something relaxing and stop checking this thread as there will (are?) be a load of doom and gloom people who will enjoy picking holes in your marriage and you don’t need that when you’re pregnant.

Congratulations by the way.

lmcneil003 · 16/02/2020 13:21

If in your dream he had stabbed the baby to death, would you be taking any measures, like buying a stab proof vest or hiding all the knives?
If you think I am being ridiculous, read your first post again. There is no difference between the two.

MissEliza · 16/02/2020 13:23

I wouldn't wait Op. Just get your application in now. You are unlucky that the rules have changed and it's only your iincome that counts. When we applied for dh's settlement visa, that wasn't the case.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 16/02/2020 13:30

Oh I had a few awful vivid dreams in pregnancies

One that stands out is when I was pregnant with my firstborn (now 28).
We had bought a pram with a carrycot attached to it (in life).
In this dream, for some reason the carrycot was outside the door of a flat 3 doors away . Same design, everything . On investigating a piglet jumped out squealing !!

DS was eventually born with normal human features . Grin

preponderings · 16/02/2020 13:37

See now I'm the foreigner in our marriage and when I was pregnant I had a very vivid dream where I got kicked out the country and had to leave the baby with DH.
(I'm still here and now I'm a citizen)

Is there any actual, real life reason he would be rejected or is it worst case scenario catastrophising?

Duelatdawn · 16/02/2020 13:41

Unless you can really see this happening in the event you do split up, I’d just accept it as a horrible dream. Only you can say if you can imagine a scenario where your DH would do this. If it is then you need to get advice. If not then put it down to a nightmare and try forget it.

As a pp said, if in your dream your DH shot you, would you wear a bullet proof vest from now on?

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