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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I really need bridesmaids?

49 replies

ApplesAndCheese · 16/02/2020 11:16

Getting married in 6 months time. Trying to keep things as simple and uncomplicated as possible, so one of the first things I'd decided against bothering with was bridesmaids (and a hen do, and an expensive dress, and a wedding cake, and wedding favours, and an engagement ring )

But...now I'm wondering whether I've made the right decision. My mum is no longer with us, and I was thinking about the morning of the wedding when I'm all alone in the hotel room waiting for the hairdresser to arrive - it seems a bit sad!

We're getting married in dp's home town which is the other side of the country so lots of people are making a weekend of it. Therefore I suppose I could ask a couple of mates to come and hang out with me and drink champagne but should I make it 'official' instead?

OP posts:

mrsbyers · 16/02/2020 11:18

Your friends could do that and not be bridesmaids though ? If a friend of mine was in that situation I would be offering to help

Mummyshark2018 · 16/02/2020 11:19

I would be more than happy to come and drink bubbly without having official bridesmaid duties.

mencken · 16/02/2020 11:21

no, of course not. You get dressed on your own other days, I take it? This whole 'team getting ready' thing places a ghastly emphasis on perfect appearance. That's not why you get married.

why all alone? Are you in a separate room from your fiance? Seems a bit of a waste of money.

Diorissimo1985 · 16/02/2020 11:21

Yes just keep it simple - friends coming over to enjoy the happy morning together ... no need for ‘bridesmaid’ label

stellabelle · 16/02/2020 11:22

I didn't have bridesmaids either. I stayed in a B+B the night before, and had a couple of my friends staying with me. We had a few drinks and giggles, and in the morning the hair and makeup lady came and "did" all of us which was lovely.

sashh · 16/02/2020 11:22

You don't need bridesmaids, if you were my friend I'd be more than happy to keep you company.

Pukkatea · 16/02/2020 11:22

Is your DP having a best man/ushers? Who are your witnesses?

The only potential awkwardness I forsee is if those friends would have been coming with partners who now travel alone, or if at the end of the getting ready session, you head off as the bride in a car or whatnot while they make their own way to the wedding. Neither of those might apply!

plunkplunkfizz · 16/02/2020 11:23

Bridesmaids don’t just look pretty and drink bubbly with you. They’re there to help with all the little things that happen on the day, rounding up people for photos, holding your hairspray for touch ups, and a million other bits and pieces. I’ve had two weddings, one with bridesmaids and one without. Would never ever do it without bridesmaids if I could go back in time and change.

Chocolatedaim · 16/02/2020 11:26

I only had one bridesmaid (my best mate) and it was really informal. She did things like make sure I had breakfast in the morning whilst I was organising flowers, hair/makeup/cars arriving on time. She also put together a lovely playlist of songs that had sentimental value, I don’t have my parents around anymore so it was lovely to have someone I hold so dear with me before I got married

Original poster

ApplesAndCheese · 16/02/2020 11:27

Pukka, lots of us are staying in the same hotel or nearby so they'd be around anyway. The venue is on the other side of the road from the hotel so no car needed

Mencken dp is staying with mates the night before. He has a best man and we've asked our brothers to act as ushers.

I'm starting to think that the reason I've found wedding planning quite relaxing so far is because I've not thought about lots of details I'll regret later!

OP posts:

ElsasSalamander · 16/02/2020 11:29

I didn’t have bridesmaids or a hen do. Wedding was small 35ish people to the day do & 70ish to the night do. I did have my mum & sister there in the morning- they were meant to look after DS (1) but I ended up doing that anyway so I could have been on my own it wouldn’t have made any odds. If you want to mark the occasion ask a couple of friends to help but don’t feel under any obligation to make them bridesmaids.

jackparlabane · 16/02/2020 11:32

I had a best man of my own. Otherwise I'd not have been able to chose among my six close friends.
He was brilliant, doing some shouting when needed, painted my nails (he's way better at it than me), and did a speech when both my dad and other best man bottled it.

And solved other problems which arose on the day, mostly getting from venue a to venue b when roads between were shut - I gave him a wad of cash so he could get taxis for those needing them.

AnnaMagnani · 16/02/2020 11:33

No.

I had 3 bridesmaids and they were all under the age of 5. They were of no help whatsover except looking cute in photos, a job they did so well I frankly regret having them as they upstage me and DH in every photo. So I always wonder what the important duties of a bridesmaid are, given they can be fulfilled by a 3 yr old.

Other than that I managed to get dressed, do my own hair and makeup (thanks Youtube) by myself - photographer did me up at the back. Bizarrely I was watching WWF, something I have never watched before or since

Photographer also did all the rounding up of guests for photos, venue kept everything ticking along to time.

Bestman did nothing except speech, he was busy minding his kids. No ushers.

Was great You don't need everything to be perfect, you can just relax, not have stuff and go with the flow.

switswoo81 · 16/02/2020 11:35

I had no bridesmaids just my 10 year old cousin as my flower girl. My mum signed the register.
Organised My own hen do and spent the morning of the wedding with immediate family.
Had a big enough wedding ( 95) and decided to spend the money on an afternoon drinks and foods reception with entertainment before the main meal instead .

MamaGee09 · 16/02/2020 11:42

You an have no bridesmaids if you wish, I couldn’t chose between my friends(even although they did at their weddings) so I had my eldest cousin as my bridesmaid. She wasn’t expected to do anything apart from be there on the wedding morning to keep me chilled and look pretty in her dress.

Member · 16/02/2020 11:44

I didn’t have any. I stayed at my parent’s the night before.My sister-in-law helped with the corset-style lacing at the back of my dress(it was the 90s) at one point but I travelled to a local hairdresser & did my make up myself. I’ve rarely got ready for anything as part of a girly group, I get too easily distracted

IvinghoeBeacon · 16/02/2020 11:44

I think inviting your friends would be lovely, or could you get ready with your husband-to-be? you don’t have to get ready separately necessarily.

I didn’t have bridesmaids and just had my cousin’s 8yo as a flower girl. It was perfect for me, but I do have a large immediate family who were around before the ceremony, and I’m close to my cousin who was of course there with her daughter.

I didn’t need any help during the day with getting me things or “touch-ups” whatever that is. We had lots of guests so it wasn’t about it being a small wedding, it was just what I wanted.

Bezalelle · 16/02/2020 11:47

I didn't. Saved me a lot of money!

WhatTheFluff · 16/02/2020 11:55

I don't think you need them no. I'd help a friend in this situation without a 'label'.

I wanted to keep mine simple like you, I did actually have a bridesmaid but only one who was my best friend since childhood. Mainly because I was shitting myself at the thought of walking down the aisle etc... and wanted someone else there too. But need one? No, you'll be fine without.

ArbitraryNameChange · 16/02/2020 11:57

I had no bridesmaids (I was 37 and felt I could go through my wedding day without any assistance....) but my friends piled into my hotel room and we all got ready together, and drank champagne. It was lovely

Cookit · 16/02/2020 12:02

I guess it would be weird not to have bridesmaids if your soon to be DH has a best man and loads of ushers and it’ll just look unbalanced .. but otherwise, not at all.
It sounds like your wedding is nice and low key so why can’t you get ready together? Or just have friends with you.
We didn’t do a “wedding” wedding and just got ready at home together.

Antihop · 16/02/2020 12:03

I didn't have bridesmaids but dp and I got ready together at home and arrived at the wedding together. I asked a friend to come round and help me with my hair. I think it's fine to ask a couple of friends to join you.

Fourtights · 16/02/2020 12:04

I didn't, it was fine.

The only slight downside was that I was the one everyone came to with questions on the day. I think I might have got slightly less of that if I'd had a bridesmaid.

Didntwanttochangemyname · 16/02/2020 12:09

I'm not having any when I get married I'm a couple of months, our set up sounds similar to yours - I am planning to ask a couple of friends to help me in to my dress, have a glass of something and hang out when we get ready.
I think what you've got planned sounds lovely. Maybe mention to a couple of friends that you might ask them to do a couple of things on the day if you need help - they are your friends and shouldn't mind that at all!
Good luck with it!

notanotherjigsawpiece · 16/02/2020 12:21

I didn’t have bridesmaids - I find it odd having a troupe of identically dressed women at a wedding in this day and age. I got ready on my own - my MIL made much of this, though it didn’t feel like a big deal to me.

I can understand why it might feel lonely without your mum though - as it’s not a traditional do, can you just spend the night before the wedding with your fiancé instead?

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