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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I really need bridesmaids?

49 replies

ApplesAndCheese · 16/02/2020 11:16

Getting married in 6 months time. Trying to keep things as simple and uncomplicated as possible, so one of the first things I'd decided against bothering with was bridesmaids (and a hen do, and an expensive dress, and a wedding cake, and wedding favours, and an engagement ring )

But...now I'm wondering whether I've made the right decision. My mum is no longer with us, and I was thinking about the morning of the wedding when I'm all alone in the hotel room waiting for the hairdresser to arrive - it seems a bit sad!

We're getting married in dp's home town which is the other side of the country so lots of people are making a weekend of it. Therefore I suppose I could ask a couple of mates to come and hang out with me and drink champagne but should I make it 'official' instead?

OP posts:

sendhelpppppp · 16/02/2020 12:25

Im not having bridesmaids. My best friend is coming to get ready with me anyway.

AGoodPodcastAndANiceCupOfTea · 16/02/2020 12:41

I didn't have bridesmaids but I arranged for a nail lady and the hairdresser to come to my flat and a load of friends and family came and got theirs done and we drank fizz and ate bacon sarnies. It was brilliant and a real highlight of the day although partly because the dressmaker had a sewing machine crisis and my outfit and my soon to be dh's suit didn't arrive until an hour before the ceremony which was a little nail-biting
I'm sure your friends will be happy to share your day with you - I think mine were just so shocked that their perma-single 40 year old mate was getting married that they were there to make sure it did happen

AJPTaylor · 16/02/2020 12:41

Have you not got an aunt who could be with you? Or just some of the female guests?

userabcname · 16/02/2020 12:41

You don't have to have bridesmaids but I'd definitely ask a couple of friends if they'd like to get ready with you. It's part of the fun - having a glass of bubbly and a chat and having someone check you haven't overdone the blusher or whatever. I'd happily do it for a friend even if I wasn't a bridesmaid.

Wotrewelookinat · 16/02/2020 12:41

I didn’t have bridesmaids, just had my sister keep me company before the wedding. It was too complicated.....I have 2 sisters but don’t get on with one, so couldn’t ask just one to be a bridesmaid, had several close adult female friends and couldn’t ask them all, plus didn’t know any small girls to ask, so just didn’t bother! It was fine and 16 years later don’t regret it at all!

Littlemeadow123 · 16/02/2020 13:07

My friend didn't have any 'bridesmaids' either but she still had a bunch of us helping her to get ready and assisting her throughout the day. It meant that she could involve all of her friends on a special day and it meant that a big group of us shared the responsibilities instead of a small few people shouldering all of them. None of us cared that we didn't have the title 'bridesmaid'. We were just happy for her and wanted her day to go as well as possible.

Echobelly · 16/02/2020 13:08

I didn't have any - I was wearing a short, coloured dress (which was actually a bridesmaid's dress), and it's not like I really needed any help with dressing or moving around in it. My sister did my hair and makeup, so she was with me when I was getting ready. I did have neice (3 at the time) as flowergirl, but even that was conditional on her being in the right mood, seeing as you can never tell little ones - she was fine, but if she had not wanted to or been in a state to do it on the day, I wouldn't have forced her.

Original poster

ApplesAndCheese · 16/02/2020 13:27

No, I don't have an aunt, I don't really have much family.

I don't want to get ready with dp because we do actually want the surprise bit where we see each other for the first time at the ceremony. We are picking and choosing the traditional bits that we like and ignoring the ones we don't!

I think I'll ask a couple of friends to come and open a couple of bottles of champagne with me

OP posts:

BarbedBloom · 16/02/2020 13:31

I didn't have any. It is too political and to be honest, I preferred getting ready alone anyway. It was lovely and calm and my mum popped in to lace my dress. My DH didn't have a best man either as he would have wanted his best friend but his brother would have been hurt.

Waveysnail · 16/02/2020 13:34

No you dont. I regret mil forcing me to have some. Much rather just hung out with my friends

Pipandmum · 16/02/2020 13:34

Other than two small children as attendants my sister was my maid of honour but lived in a different country so couldn't do any of the traditional stuff. Several people travelled to our wedding from abroad so the night before I hosted a dinner party (at the hotel I was staying in) for the women who had and my husband the men. My parents hosted a brunch the morning after the wedding for their friends who had travelled.
On the morning of the wedding my sister did help but also a friend who had travelled 7000 miles - she knew no one and was happy to help me without any 'official' role.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/02/2020 13:38

@ApplesAndCheese we’re having a similar thing... DP doesn’t want to get ready with me because he wants the surprise, but we’ve canned off a lot of things too. I have now got two bridesmaids because he has five groomsmen and I was worried it would look odd, but it’s a low key thing. I’m not sure if they’ll be getting ready with me, the ceremony is in the afternoon so I might do it alone.

I’ve only got three months left now; thankfully! Planning has been so odd.

Incenseday · 16/02/2020 13:45

I didn't have bridesmaids. My sister helped me with my hair. Didn't have the money for pointless expenses. Still married 25 years later. Do it your way.

copperoliver · 16/02/2020 13:53

Maybe just have a maid of honour. X

MatildaTheCat · 16/02/2020 14:12

How about a best woman? A friend who wears her own choice of clothing, gets ready with you and gives you any support you might need on the day and is just generally there for you?

Doesn’t have to be a big deal and speech optional.

Seems a bit more calm that bridesmaids and all the mad expectations that seem to have evolved in recent years.

Scarlettpixie · 16/02/2020 14:27

We didn’t have bridesmaids or a best man. I did have 2 hen nights though - one just a meal and one a couple of night away (only 20 miles away) with 4 close friends. On the morning of the wedding my friend came round to ‘help’ me get ready (my mum was there too). We had a glass of fizz. She and her partner were our witnesses. We only had one speech - from DH. My dress was from the debenhams debut section and cost £85. I have no regrets that we simplified things where we wanted to.

honeylulu · 16/02/2020 15:12

My best friend from school had no bridesmaids - wanted to avoid the expense and distraction - but she panicked nearer the day and said she realised she actually needed/ wanted an "attendant". I was already driving her to church and had agreed to do the speech from her side of the family (her dad wasn't serious and her mum was painfully shy). We agreed my role would officially be "best woman" rather than bridesmaid.

I helped her get ready, drove her there, walked up the aisle with her (which she was terrified of doing on her own), did a reading, handed out confetti afterwards, hung around with the best man making sure everyone had directions/ lifts to the reception later did a speech and kept guests drinks topped up (wedding was in a marquee).

I offered to wear a trouser suit/ waistcoat etc to blend in with the best man but she said I should wear a dress that I liked. I wore an evening dress I already had - it did look a bit bridesmaidy so I cleared it with her first! She ordered me a wrist corsage which was beautiful and much more practical than a posy given all the jobs I had to do!

honeylulu · 16/02/2020 15:13

Oops, that should say her dad wasn't AROUND not that he wasn't serious!

eurochick · 16/02/2020 15:16

I didn't have any. I went to the hairdresser to get my hair put up then jumped on the train to my parents' house and did make up there. The photographer cane and took a few photos there. Then we went on to the venue. I didn't miss having bridesmaids to get ready with although my parents were there for part of it.

Getitwright · 16/02/2020 15:24

Do what’s best for you. I think having a good friend is a great idea, just to give a bit of help, possibly ease the nerves. Doesn’t have to be as formal as a bridesmaid, or even a maid of honour if you don’t want.

Mum was a bit of a nightmare in a nice way on my wedding day, nervous, fussy, trying to do a bit too much. I had two BMs, DSis and DSIL, they were lovely. I was fine, but they did help ease Dad’s nerves and distract Mum a bit.
Hope you have a lovely day, do what you both want to do, it’s your day.

Butterbeeeen · 16/02/2020 15:28

I'm also getting married in 6 months time and not having bridesmaids. My best friend is my witness and will probably be around on the morning to top up the fizz and calm me down. I have asked my tomboy dd10 to be a bridesmaid but she has refused as it's really not her style but she will also be around should I need her to help.

Feelingfestivenow · 16/02/2020 15:31

I had no bridesmaids but a maid of honour who came just before I put my dress on for a glass of fizz, I did my own hair and make up and nails as I had seen so many brides who really looked nothing like themselves on their weeding day, caked in make up with a hairstyle that was 'not them'. I pottered about in my own time getting ready without fuss.

You dont have to have anything you dont feel comfortable with just because its the norm, or others think you have to, its your wedding enjoy it and congratulations!

MereDintofPandiculation · 16/02/2020 15:42

If I was keeping it simple, I'd ditch the hairdresser.

Original poster

ApplesAndCheese · 16/02/2020 15:49

When I say simple I mean not doing all the stuff that one is 'supposed' to do on a wedding day whether it's meaningful or not to the couple.

It doesn't mean having shit hair.

OP posts:

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