Lost my spark

[Lilyamna]

Sorry this is a bit depressing.

I used to be the sort of person who would get excited by a rainbow, try to catch snowflakes, make cakes just for fun and feel sleep was a waste of time.
I’ve recently had a really tough few years, aged 28-32 life got hard, though I’m now out the other side, a bit bruised but things are on the up again.

Now I recognise a change in myself. Everything is too much bother. I no longer get excited by the little things and if anything is extra effort it’s just not worth it. It’s like now I have been burned by life I have checked out a bit.
I don’t think I am depressed. Just jaded. It makes me sad and I wonder if I will get that spark back again, or if I have ‘grown up’ now and this is the reality of adult life kicking in.

Anyone else felt like this? Words of wisdom appreciated xx

Sorry lovely, I have no idea, but I wish you luck

Has something bad happened ?

Are there things you still look forward to and enjoy ?

I know how you feel, after a few years of life changing events I now just feel empty and lethargic. How do we know if its depression or just being jaded though?

I know no one know how you feel but I've been through similar feelings

Kids, bereavement and a full time stressful job over the past 15 years have made me kind of numb, a routine trip to the doctors made me realise I had no life outside of work and kids and no hobbies

I found a local, lovely yoga/wellbeing class with an amazing group of ladies. I really didn't think it would help me mentally as only started to help with back pain but the relaxation and, well just time/positivity/kindness has really made me feel again

I think we need to allow ourselves have different emotions but also try to find something that works for you

Hope you find something that brings to happiness, love and a little magic

Thanks for the understanding replies and suggestions. I have been considering yoga so I will definitely give that a try.

It’s not been one bad thing that’s happened, just lots of things piled up that have stressed me out over a long period. Illness and loss, prolonged work stress and then change of career, friendship group breaking up, that sort of thing.
I don’t think it’s depression because it doesn’t seem serious enough somehow. I can function fine in public and at work and I do enjoy things when other people engage me in doing stuff like going to the theatre or a pint after work. It’s just that at weekends, when it comes to filling my day, I’ve lost the will. Today I have done nothing. The weather doesn’t help, but ‘old me’ would have gone for a walk by the sea and enjoyed a hot chocolate afterwards to warm up. New me just stayed in bed

Agree that physical exercise really helps. Burning energy creates more energy.
A lot of people really underestimate what physical activity can do.

As a choreographer and fitness instructor I can tell you quite a large portion of my clients came to me on the advice of a doctor.
Many of whom , like you, don't thínk they are depressed, just in a bit of a rut.

Do join a sport, dance class or yoga. It will do wonders for you and get your spark back.
The changes I have seen in some clients is nothing short of inspirational. X

Also, I'm sorry you've been having such a difficult time. Props to you for reaching out and talking about it.

I can so relate to this. Had a shit show of a time for the past five years. Before I was able to have fun, had lots of friends etc. I've lost a lot of friends now due to them getting married, having babies and me not being able to keep in touch with them so much over this period. Feel sad, lonely and jaded, and yes like I've lost my mojo and will never see life the same again.

I think we are probably a little depressed. I dont know what the answer is. Maybe doing more life affirming things? Like maybe volunteering would help because we would come into contact with kind people and it would remind us they exist/ the world is a good place?

@Lilyamna I'm sorry things are tough.

My daughter had a lot of mental health issues and I felt very out of sorts for a couple of years. I couldn't face a lot of things.

Things are better now. One of the things I did find was my health had deteriorated and I needed to change one of my medications. I was quite scared about this. I put it off for ages.

When I did change the medication things got better.

I think it was a combination of things actually. Getting my weight more under control, getting help with dd and changing the medication.

And things are just getting better.

I hope this will happen for you too.

So my advice to you is:
Have some sort of check up or check on your medical situation if you think this may be an issue
Get plenty of good food/sleep/exercise to care for the physical side
Look for fun things to do, new hobbies or activities if you can
Be open to the fun - and I really hope it will come back

Are you getting enough sleep and rest? When you're worn down to the bone and completely exhausted it's hard to enjoy the small things, everything becomes a struggle.

Agree a good yoga studio can do wonders, as can long walks every day.

Hang in there and it'll get better

I had professional exams, lost my job, got a new one, moved across the country, couldn't sell my house because of recession (negative equity), had to rent (and be a landlord myself. I hated it), mum in itu, grandma died, sister in itu, had a child, major car accident (no significant injuries fortunately, but car written off at a time I could I'll afford another) got burgled and had surgery myself, all in the space of 3 years.

I burnt out. Just a succession of life stresses. I thought this was what grown up life was, dealing with bad things happening. I lost all spark. I got very fat. I got very low.

I've now had a period of time without anywhere near that sort of shit happening. Sold my old house, bought a new one - which needs work doing, but I can and will get the work done bit by bit. I've lost a couple of stone, still overweight, but better than before. Enjoying my job. Enjoying my child. Not quite back to painting stuff yet, but nearly.

It has taken a few years of quiet life though to start to feel secure again. To start to get my spark back. But it is coming back, I feel it. Hopefully yours will do the same.

Try baking a cake, and see

I get it. In the last few years I've had a divorce, a bereavement, unemployment, financial worries, had to sell my home and my two eldest children have left home. I've given up my only hobby as I can't be bothered with it any more and don't even read books any more. There's no fun in life any more.

I get it too. I’m mid-late 30s now & had 3 years of increasing shitness after having a v easy, straightforward life. I feel much, much better now but a different person. I always thought if you worked/cared/tried hard enough, everything would be ok. I know that’s not true anymore but I’ve moved on from feeling really jaded to accepting it. I’m also determined not to waste any more time feeling sad (I don’t really remember ages 32-35) so I’m consciously doing more fun stuff!

I'm jaded. I used to be the most enthusiastic person ever and now I am cynical. Life happened and I haven't managed to find the enthusiastic me in a long time.

I’m sorry so many others are feeling similar But there’s also comfort knowing I’m not alone.

@PowerbuntingPowerbunting I’m so glad things are getting better for you now after all you went through, and thank you EVERYONE for the suggestions and advice. A bit of support and understanding goes such a long way, I love mumsnet 🥰 xx

I get where you're coming from completely. Not depressed per say but feel like you've lost the 'sparkle' a bit? It's great that you've recognised it and is not unexpected given the past few years.

Have you read the book 'Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine'? I've read it several times - it's about a woman who is looking to come back into the world again - if that makes sense? Fair warning, the woman in the book is depressed but it's a good read

As for the weekends, perhaps try doing something small on the tougher days? So instead of thinking well I have to go to the beach and then have a hot chocolate in a busy cafe, try I'm going to buy the ingredients in the week and make myself a nice hot chocolate this weekend?

Best of luck :)

This is me. After stress of tea try useless exH and his redundancy and slackness (risk of losing home) teenager with MH crisis, DP who has been the light of my life for four years is now dragging me down, he is not the man I thought he was. All this has happened in the last 6 months. Alongside perimenopause and weird anxiety. Am currently decorating the bathroom. Am still exercising, meditating, seeing friends, having counselling.

The old me would have had this ceiling done lickety-split (lots of intricate sanding needed). The me of today can only manage 10 min chunks then back on the sofa (and on MN). It’s taking me the whole weekend, and then some. The light of me has gone out. I feel sick.

Is it bad to go to GP, admit defeat and request antidepressants? I feel totally lame.

Know what you mean about trying hard and caring enough.

It’s not enough.

I get it too. I'm just a bit .... flat. The exhaustion of full time work and childcare has just left no time for me.

This is me. I'm known as the person in my family who gets shit done. I have always been a spur of the moment life and soul of the party Kind of person.

Today all I had to do was visit an elderly aunt, drop off my kids at their dad's and go to meet someone for lunch. I did the first two and cancelled the lunch. I literally cannot bring myself to do anything else but lay in my bed. I'm not depressed I don't think, but I'm definitely not right. I just feel exhausted and lethargic. I've had blood tests all is fine, I just cannot summon up the energy for anything.

I'm hoping it's the winter and a lack of sunshine. Once the sun comes out again maybe I will perk up.

Yes 10 years of not sleeping kids, given up my career due to dc having more and more issues, in search of lost joie de vivre here too.

Advice - do you have space in your life for a pet? Dogs and cats are always happy and a source of happiness and dogs get you out. Yoga also a good idea.

Maybe you need to consider a bigger shake up - new career, move country etc?

What you're describing sounds like anhedonia: inability to feel pleasure in normally pleasurable activities. That and the feeling that you just can't be bothered with things are both features of depression. That doesn't mean you need to get yourself off to the GP or anything if you don't want to, but it does seem something you should pay attention to.

It's also a crappy time of year for most people. Still really dark and grey and miserable - hard to get motivated. I agree with some of the other suggestions here - maybe look at some sort of regular gentle activity like yoga. It sounds like you do value and benefit from social contact so maybe plan a couple of activities with friends even if you know you'll have to force yourself when the day comes around.

Hope you feel brighter soon.

Me too. The past couple of years have really taken their toll. Health, home and work have all been shit and very stressful. We are trying to plod along and hope we are closer to getting to the other side. I used to enjoy walks in the park and exercise, and I really need to get back into a more healthy routine.

Find just one thing you can feel passionate about that is just for you and don't feel guilty about it. I've spent 5 years feeling I lost "me" as my life changed so much due to FT caring responsibilities for my SEN child. Just about to start my Access to Law Diploma so I can advocate for other parents.

I don't know you, but I would like to think your life could be about more than just successfully functioning. I would wish for better than that for anyone.

It does sound a bit like at least mild depression. There are things you could do to begin changing it. Most libraries seem to have books like "overcoming depression" as part of books in prescription type schemes. Or the CCI website's " looking after yourself" resources section has workbooks based on CBT.

There are little things you can start doing that with time will make life better. Everyone needs some joy and hope.

I used to be like that. Took pleasures in nature. I LOVED Spring. The fresh newness, the baby animals. It's all gone now. I can't 'feel' anything. I'm the same age. Ex was tried to rape me then left me & our boys in a load of debt and heartbreak. Bailiffs threatening me with my toddler inside. I had to move us all house and start from scratch, new school, new doctors, dentists, all bill suppliers etc. Go on UC. CONSTANT stress and despair. I sobbed every day. Then my 2yo split his head open - and my phone was stolen the day before so I couldn't call an ambulance (don't drive). Had to run barefoot to my parents who live near us with blood pouring out of his head and his brother screaming. Then youngest needed a major operation (unrelated) which went wrong. The screams he made having his catheter out whilst bruised and bleeding and no decent pain relief (due to his age) allowed. HAUNTING. Eldest then started having severe migraines and vomiting at school. He's having tests. Also all the "Where's daddy?" I had to deal with. Youngest needs another operation soon. My Grandad got cancer and he died yesterday. I am looked down on at the school gates for being a single not working parent. UC hound "FIND A JOB". I'm not surprised young single parents prostitute themselves and take their own lives because of them. Honestly I don't know how much more I can take.

I just need a BIT of good luck. Just a little bit.