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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that my friend keeps bragging about how many gifts and how much money she’s been given for their baby

31 replies

Toastytoes1 · 15/02/2020 22:49

We’re both pregnant at the same time, literally less than a week between us. She knows that my husband and I have had to buy literally everything ourselves as our families are not in a position to support us financially which is completely fine by us, we never expected any financial help and we’re lucky to receive so much emotional support from them instead.

But my friend will not stop telling me how much money and gifts they’ve been given from their friends and family and how much money they’ve not had to spend as a result and I’m just finding it all a bit annoying really! It’s wonderful that they have so much help but is there a particular need to rub my nose in it quite so much. It’s virtually every day now. I can’t even chat to her about something mundane like the fact that I’m sorting clothes out this weekend for little one and she has to point out what a nightmare its been to try and organise all the hundreds of clothes they’ve been gifted.
There’s nothing wrong with receiving help and support but aibu to think its a bit vulgar to keep bragging about it when she knows that we haven’t had any help?

OP posts:

Instagrrr · 15/02/2020 22:51

Having children brings out the worst in people! You get to know the people you’re willing to put up with

Bridgetspants · 16/02/2020 06:22

When you need a babysitter you’ll find out who really cares

Congratulations x

GrumpyHoonMain · 16/02/2020 06:25

I don’t see the problem. You were complaining about sorting clothes and so was she. Might you be letting your interactions be coloured by your resentment / jealousy? If you don’t want her to talk about her life / baby gifts etc then perhaps don’t mention it so often.

Hellohello2020 · 16/02/2020 06:25

Maybe you should say 'could I have some please?' lol.

DesLynamsMoustache · 16/02/2020 06:30

Competitive parenting starts here! It'll only get worse so be prepared.

Bluewavescrashing · 16/02/2020 06:39

Babies don't need much. Most of those outfits will be vomited on relentlessly, worn once or twice before being outgrown, covered in yellow poo and stained beyond redemption.

😊

Elephantonascooter · 16/02/2020 06:40

Be prepared for her child to also roll, sit up, eat, walk, talk, laugh, dance, do it's 11 times table before their one and before yours has done anything. It won't be true, but for some reason parenting really brings the competitive streak out in people.
Just smile and nod op, and maybe find some mum friends who are more 'your people'. And by that, I don't mean people who haven't had financial help, but people that you won't know if they have or not as they wouldn't bother to mention it because they know no one cares.
Congratulations on your pregnancy

Monty27 · 16/02/2020 06:42

Your df has got issues. Leave her to it. Be happy with what you have

Original poster

Toastytoes1 · 16/02/2020 06:53

@GrumpyHoonMain I wasn’t complaining about sorting clothes, just mentioned that that is what I’m doing this weekend when she asked what I was up to so I found it odd that even with something as mundane as this she found the opportunity to brag about how many clothes she has been given and to phrase it in such an ungrateful way as to say what a nightmare it is for her to have to do because she been given so many.
I’ll not lie, of course I’m jealous to a certain extent, who doesn’t like to receive gifts from time to time but I’m not consumed by jealousy because I know our families are there for us in other far more important ways. I just wish my friend would shut up about it frankly.

Thanks for everyone’s replies.

OP posts:

LolaSmiles · 16/02/2020 06:56

The clothes one I think you're being a bit sensitive over. You were talking about sorting clothes. She was talking about sorting clothes.

General bragging isn't a nice trait, but equally friends shouldn't have to avoid acknowledging what they have just in case it hits a nerve with someone.

antwacky · 16/02/2020 07:44

Hard I know but take no notice of her, she's very probably exaggerating the amount received, take it with a pinch of salt but even if it's true she's obviously not used to much or she wouldn't feel the need to boast.
I knew an extremely well off woman who told all and sundry about how much she bought for her new grandson and how her wicked and ungrateful dil either refused to use and/or abused anything she bought and how wretch of dil left the pram out in the rain for days on end until it was unusable. The dil sounded like a right spoilt madam but I was in for a shock when met the dil, she was a really nice girl. Turns out the majority of stuff was dirty, musty, stained or broken and the pram was some really old fashioned manky old crate which the dil scrubbed as best she could because she was desperate and skint but it had two faulty wheels one of which kept falling off and as this girl lived in the attic rooms of Victorian house she really struggled to get it up and downstairs and one day the wheel came off again just as she got it up the steps to front door and the poor girl burst into tears and just left it by door.

You enjoy your weekend of sorting your babies clothes out, it's a really special and exciting time.

Curiosity101 · 16/02/2020 07:51

Does it definitely feel like she's bragging or could she just be being grateful?

I don't accept help of any kind very well. In the sense it makes me uncomfortable and I tend to go ott with the thank yous etc. We got gifted a lot of things and I probably said something similar to your friends many times. Even if I wasn't talking to the people who gave the things to us I was definitely expressing gratitude cause I felt a mixture of uncomfortable and very lucky. It never occurred to me that it could come across as bragging.

Just another perspective, she could well be bragging though which would be annoying.

SinkGirl · 16/02/2020 07:59

I have a group of twin mum friends and we are still friends because we are all sensitive to each other.

The one with with two sets of GPs who have their twins frequently never rubs our noses in their mini breaks

The one whose twins are absolute geniuses never brags about their achievements unless we ask

I try not to bang on too much about the challenges we face, although they are very supportive when I do

Also, my MIL bought a big gift when I was pregnant... we have only seen her 4 times in 3.5 years, I’d rather have a supportive family than gifts!

EntropyRising · 16/02/2020 08:05

That's pretty crass of her, OP, sorry.

Lllot5 · 16/02/2020 08:14

Competitive parenting starts here.
Just nod and smile. Find some real friends not ones that think everything is a test.

NeedCoffeeNowRightNow · 16/02/2020 08:33

Sounds fine to me. We had to get everything new-ish as we are the first in our social circle to have a child, no hand-me-downs, few useful gifts.

It sucked doubley because the gifts we got (chosen with love and good quality) were not practical (think polyester-glitter-sparke outfits) and the stuff we actually needed cost quite a bit. It meant I had 'our' stuff, which we used a lot and will use again for next DC and 'wtf' gifts that I couldn't return but also didn't feel comfortable selling on.

Honestly, depending on the kind of gifts she got, she might be worse of than you imagine being stuck with a bunch of crap you can't get rid off - not fun.

PixieDustt · 16/02/2020 08:38

Emotional support in pregnancy and after pregnancy is much more beneficial than financial support imo.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 16/02/2020 08:42

This is just the start, it will likely only get worse. Some people’s pregnancy feels like ten years due to how much they go on about it and then it never stops once the baby is born.

Next time she comments just say that’s lovely but we prefer to financial support our own child as adults rather than have others do it not to mention protect their future by being more eco and buying second hand. Should stop the comments on that at least in future.

ThankfullyAlive · 16/02/2020 08:42

I had this but in reverse. When I was buying things for my baby, my friend who gave birth the year before asked how much I was spending on x, y, z. When I told her she would say how ridiculous spending so much and she got everything for "20p" in a Mothercare store closing down sale. I bought the majority of everything before the collapse of Mothercare and I literally couldn't have spent less (except on important things like a car seat I did spend a lot of for peace of mind and safety). It is wearing, but I just ignored it. Hopefully once the babies are here she'll stop with her bragging.

Frenchw1fe · 16/02/2020 08:44

When I was pregnant I didn't get gifts until the baby was born and we bought just enough to start out with. My biggest expense, after equipment, 35 years ago was 2 dozen terry nappies.
You don't need lots of clothes, it's bad for the environment.

Just do a Mrs Brown 'oh, that's nice.'

JiltedJohnsJulie · 16/02/2020 08:56

Agree with others, she’s only going to get worse. If your LO isn’t reading a Mandarin by 3 months, her’s will.

My best advice would be to go to some baby groups before your LO is born, like BFing Support Groups, NCT groups or just your local playgroups. You’ll soon meet some local Mums and Mums to Be who are more like you

Rubyupbeat · 16/02/2020 09:31

My best friend does similar with her daughter, photos of the piles of presents she gets, how much she get spent on her, she will get every volo6ur variation of a particular trainer she likes etc....
But I understand her entirely, my friend was unwanted as a baby, passed around different relatives, she ended up living with a great aunt who treated her literally as Cinderella (this is in 70s) she was picked on at school for being poor and scruffy. So I believe she is making sure her daughter is ahead of the game.
The wonderful thing about this is thst her daughter is not one bit spoilt, and that's in all honesty, she is a nice , kind girl, as is my friend, who would give the coat off her back to someone cold...and I've seen her do this.
So, I believe there is usually a reason for this over doing what your baby has, maybe your friend is in awe of all the support you will have and it's her way of showing you her baby is equal, in some weird way?

WinterCat · 16/02/2020 09:34

Surely that means you have got your baby what you want and what is to your taste, so you don’t need to worry about the convoluted palaver of having to put a baby in endless outfits that look uncomfortable and are really difficult to get a newborn in, purely to keep happy the person who bought it.

Babies genuinely need very little and nobody wants excess clutter in their houses.

Nowayorhighway · 16/02/2020 09:35

I suppose it depends on her tone, she may not realise she sounds boastful and perhaps you’re feeling bitter because you have footed the bill for it all and she hasn’t. The clothes thing sounds like general conversation making to me.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/02/2020 09:42

“I know Jane, you’re very lucky”. On repeat. Or mix it up every now and then with a “that’s nice”. If you’re really friends then hopefully she’s not trying to upset you by being a show off. Repeating that you know she’s been lucky might help gently show her she’s a slightly braggy broken record.

You’ve been able to choose every single thing for your baby, that’s brilliant. If her family carries on like this she’ll be one of those people posting in a year’s time that her mum is drowning them in train sets they don’t have room for and her MIL is so used to helping she’s insisting on hosting the baby’s first birthday and has chosen the cake herself.

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