Samaritan numbers if you need them... (Title edited by MNHQ)

[GaaaaarlicBread]

There is always help available , please speak up, you’re so cared for and so loved.

I’m stunned too but that’s forums for you , I won’t bother again xx

Thank you OP

It's sad people couldn't be a little bit kinder on a thread of this nature.

I understand that this post has helped some people already.

But as a general point, I really would caution people against telling suicidal people that they don't know, that they are "so loved".

In the case of my suicidal friend, it was phrases like that that made him far worse. In fact drove him closer to suicide. The sheer casualness of someone blithely saying something so blatantly the opposite of his situation made him even more aware that his life wasn't like other people's. And an indiscriminately caring person on the end of a helpline bears no relation to being loved and cared about for the person you are, by people you know.

I don't mean to have a go at you, OP, but this seemed the right time and place to ask pale to really think and empathise before they come out with well meaning phrases that might be entirely inappropriate to the person's situation.
It happens a lot on mumsnet. It's well meaning, but not based on any real knowledge.

@saraclara I’m sorry about your friend .

I’ve been suicidal in the past and very unwell, and hearing people (strangers or not) tell me that I’m loved and cared for helped me so I’ve gone off experience but I won’t do it again.
Thank you

I also found that the nurse who I’d never met telling me I was loved and would be very missed helped me when I was suicidal and feeling very alone. It wasn’t at all inappropriate. Some people are just to quick to have a dig.

@FakeFraudSquad thank you, I’m so glad it helped you and I really hope you’re doing ok now 💐

This is really useful, noted, thanks very much.

Thanks Emily, you too . It’s very early days but I’m not in the dark place I was six weeks ago and the nurse I see at my GO practice that I mentioned above is incredible so I’m very lucky there. I definitely feel cared for despite being single and childless and not having much family around me. At the darkest times, it was strangers on Elefriends and the healthcare professionals I’d just met who helped the most. I’ve no doubt you’ve helped someone and this thread is in no way a poor reflection on you, just social media in general.

@fakefraud you’re so welcome , I’m glad you have professionals there for you too and that you’re finding the light . I remember the first time I felt suicidal and I just didn’t know what had hit me and when a nurse told me I was cared for and loved , at first I thought ‘but how?’, and then I realised if I went away, the woman walking her dog every morning who I passed at the same spot on my way to my bus would notice I was gone, our neighbours who said hello when we were on the drive would notice, people I spoke to online etc and it really hit me. And then when I started doing the job I do, I was told by some stranger not to tell people that they’re loved, as ‘you have no idea if they’re loved’ it had a real effect on me because I know how much of a positive impact it had on me, and one day I told a patient that I cared for them and they said I I hadn’t have said that, they would’ve killed them selves that night. And I’ve heard stories of patients killing them selves who I’d not met yet but heard of them and it really upset me so when someone says a stranger can’t care about them, it’s such a lie because I do care. Even if I’m the only person who does, I’m still a person and it doesn’t make my care and compassion any less real x

Thank you for responding to my post so gracefully @itsemily
I know every person is different, and as the person trying to help, it felt as though I was walking through a minefield. Whatever I said was fraught with risk. Would it be the right thing, or would it drive him further into despair?
It did make me think more carefully and empathetically about the power of words, though. Especially when dealing with someone very logical for whom phrases that others might find warm and caring, are taken more literally.
I hope you're doing well now. And thanks again for taking my post in the spirit it was meant.

...And of course telling the individual that you're talking to that you care, is very different from telling them they're loved. Sadly many people aren't, by anyone. And you don't love them either. You care, and that's very different.

@saraclara I completely understand your comment and I didn’t take offence , I definitely understand what you mean and I genuinely will remember that in the future and I just hope I haven’t made anyone feel worse .
I’ve lost a few friends to suicide and two of them left notes saying that nobody loved them (they didn’t know each other), and I remember thinking ‘what if someone had told them they did love them would they still be here’ so it’s a real conflict of thoughts in my head but I do think sometimes , people are so in the dark that even if they are dearly loved , it won’t help them even if they did know that. We are all different and what worked for me won’t always work for someone else and I do understand that now. Thank you for educating me in a kind way x

A kind counsellor on the end of a helpline after a night when I'd had to talk my friend down from his high floor balcony, reminded me that, in the end, it would never be something I'd said wrong that would be responsible for his actions. That the problem is far far deeper. And ultimately the choice to live or die was his to make. So I've tried to be kinder to myself.

But I have learned from things that distressed him or made him feel worse, so I hope that helps others too.

You sound lovely op and your post was clearly with good intentions.