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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Using bitch for a dog

266 replies

Dunarunner · 15/02/2020 17:20

Probably going to be told to get a grip but AIBU to think this is a little bit odd. Have been having work done on house and also have a relatively new Labrador puppy.

On Monday a man came in to do some plastering and we had a brief chat in the kitchen about dogs. I mentioned ours is a girl and he sort of looked me in the eye and said ‘yeah, bitches are best. Less trouble.’ I was a bit Confused but told myself he was just using the correct terminology.

But on Friday, electrician was patting the dog and said ‘I’ve got a couple of bitches too’ or something to that effect.

I’m no prude (and rather too fond of the c word in the right situation) Grin
But couldn’t help but feel the men were enjoying being able to use the word ‘bitch’ legitimately, to a woman at home alone and was, if not creeped out, then just a touch unsettled

OP posts:
Bagofoldbones · 15/02/2020 20:33

Dunarunner if you felt the weirdness it was there.

This is why certain people give other people the creeps but they can’t put their finger on why. It’s insidious and subtle but you feel it.

Is he due back?

Pardonwhat · 15/02/2020 20:33

Dunarunner

...what? I need to stop being pulled in by this thread. It’s increasingly baffling. Perhaps get a dog next time to save the angst?
Hope you get more of the replies that you were seeking Smile

Original poster
Dunarunner · 15/02/2020 20:33

@TooTrueToBeGood hope I haven’t caused you too much faux concern.

If indeed I did the unthinkable (as you see it(, and I happened to purchase a few live hens and keep them in my garden, and then a workman came to my house and he turned to me and said ‘nice hens. I’ve got a lovely cock.’ Well. Yes I might find that a little troubling.

OP posts:
BrigidSt · 15/02/2020 20:34

The comment about being less trouble, you could totally take that the wrong way, on your own in your house, I get that. Had it said to me before I got dogs, off of a dog man of the breed I keep, thought it was a bit full on language, I look back now and he was right, but I could've been offended. He just meant dogs are more work than bitches, to train and keep, at first anyway IME. I got two dogs in the end and they are differrent to bitches of the same breed, young dogs are idiots and they stay idiots for years, neutered or not. Bitches mature quickly and settle down. They don't try and escape your garden to go off shagging and they're a differrent temperament, but they can be snappy with other dogs who come too near, just like dogs can be aggressive to other dogs. Sex has important characteristics in animals. Maybe it was polite making conversation, maybe it was a powerplay, men never will know what its like to be on the receiving end of language and behaviour that makes you uncomfortable as a woman.
OP you felt uncomfortable, because of your own normal boundaries, you asked about it on here, got varied replies and that's ok. I hope you dont still feel uncomfortable.

fuckoffImcounting · 15/02/2020 20:34

Mate, its what they are called.

BrigidSt · 15/02/2020 20:35

Cockerel. Thats a false equivalency.

Original poster
Dunarunner · 15/02/2020 20:35

@Bagofoldbones the electrician is, but I’ll be fine, thank you. I can always set my bitch on him Wink

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 15/02/2020 20:37

@Pardonwhat having read back through the OP's posts, I get the sense she's just a bit irritated by all the people implying she's ignorant, hysterical, unfit to own a dog, stupid and mentally ill.

Bubblemonkey · 15/02/2020 20:39

He was calling a female dog a bitch, he wasn’t calling you a bitch. You’re being a mega snowflake ❄️

TooTrueToBeGood · 15/02/2020 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnyCreamWillDo · 15/02/2020 20:42

I'm going against the grain and saying that if you felt a vibe, trust your instincts. Not much you can do about it but try not to be alone with them, perhaps, but if your radar is going off, better safe than sorry.

Story time: I once lived somewhere where I walked past a building site every morning and for several mornings in a row one of the men there would call out to me something totally innocuous like "good morning" but in the most lacivious tone he could manage with an up and down look. Clearly he was banking on me not feeling that I could tell anyone anything concrete (because how silly does it sound written down?) but unfortunately for him by the third day of dressing waking past I had got up the courage to march onto site and request one of the other guys go and get their foreman. I explained the situation in my most matter-of-fact voice, saying "both you and I know that there's a difference between a polite 'good morning' and a leering 'good morning'" and to his credit he didn't quibble about it in the slightest and knew exactly what I meant. That guy was never working out front again - I only glimpsed him out the back - and I got to get to work unharrassed.

A long-winded way of saying that I'm taking the foreman's position and crediting you with the intelligence to know the difference between "bitch" and "bitch"!

Original poster
Dunarunner · 15/02/2020 20:44

@TooTrueToBeGood keep it classy ‘hen’ Hmm

OP posts:
user127819 · 15/02/2020 20:45

I do understand what you mean, especially with the second remark. I don't know why he would have felt the need to specify that he had two bitches (as opposed to just dogs - in the species sense). I can imagine that said in a certain tone those remarks would have been uncomfortable, and obviously you are the only on this thread who was there, and something made you uncomfortable. Most people on this thread don't seem to understand that you aren't bothered by your female dog being referred to as a bitch (I assume), it was the sense that these were possibly lewd remarks in the guise of biological terminology.

elenacampana · 15/02/2020 20:46

@Dunarunner - where haven’t you been trying to justify yourself more like. All that shite you came out with about your brother being 18 and enlightened enough not to say the word bitch in the company of a lone woman was an attempt to justify yourself. Texting your friend the TA and then reporting back was an attempt to justify yourself. Responding to everything you don’t like is an attempt to prove a point... aka justifying yourself.

I won’t be saying anything else because you’re getting enough flak OP, I don’t need to add to it.

itsabitofamess · 15/02/2020 20:55

It's fine. You are being over sensitive.

Original poster
Dunarunner · 15/02/2020 21:12

@elenacampana ok, take the point that could be seen to be justifying but I didn’t see it that way. I was asked to elaborate on why I was feeling a certain why and why I made certain assumptions about certain people, and so I did. I don’t really see this as a case of needing to justify anything, I’m not embarrassed about how I feel and usually I can learn something from other people’s input on here. It’s a shame people just piled on with the snark (or threats to ‘rip me a new one’ - on the internet? Really?Grin - from someone dripping in inferiority complex) as some of the more helpful or enlightening posts might have been lost. It’s fine though, no one’s crying here.

OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 15/02/2020 21:16

The fact that you're a woman on your own means nothing I don't think. There are millions of women on their own who would not be bothered at all. Also, in my experience, many men would have no idea that refering to a female dog as a bitch in front of a lone woman would be in any way problematic because they probably aren't called bitches in an aggressive manner so may miss the connection.
Using the correct term could well have been their way to show that they "know" about dogs. A shared interest with you perhaps. They may worry that you'll look down on them for being tradesmen and worry that you'll assume they're thick so they use the correct terminology. It could just be the way they are! I know plenty of people (usually the older gen to be frank) who exclusively refer to female dogs as bitches. Personally I say female dog but that's because I've had very little exposure to female dogs so very little need to use the word.

If you're feeling uncomfortable of course that is no laughing matter. I think you could do with some councelling if that word is triggering for you. But strange to own a bitch if it is triggering for you though...

elenacampana · 15/02/2020 21:19

I do think your original issue was OTT but I always have respect for people who can articulate themselves well and take a point from what someone else has said.

Less of the grammar correction though. Just don’t do it. It’s never going to go down well and detracts from whatever you came here to say in the first place.

I wish you and your female dog a good night!

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 15/02/2020 21:36

OP please can you say something to wind up TooTrue? Dying to find out how to 'rip someone a new one' despite having no idea who or where they are. I feel this would be a valuable life skill.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 15/02/2020 21:38

@TooTrueToBeGood That's you, that is.

k1233 · 15/02/2020 21:42

You could have just said to him you prefer male dogs because you get to cut their balls off when they start misbehaving, but the breeder only had females left so you ended up with a bitch.

TypographicalError · 15/02/2020 21:44

This is why my dog is gender neutral.

Original poster
Dunarunner · 15/02/2020 21:50

@JesusInTheCabbageVan yes! Grin

OP posts:
user127819 · 15/02/2020 22:18

@k1233 You've exactly illustrated OP's point. A statement that is technically correct can have undertones or double meanings. It's not at all unreasonable to pick up on such undertones and be uncomfortable with them. As a previous poster explained, even a simple "good morning" can be threatening when said in a certain tone or in a certain context.

k1233 · 15/02/2020 22:25

@user127819 plus the number of men who seem to be irrationality attached to their dogs testicles is just amazing. They can't think of castrating the dog as somehow it affects their own masculinity.

Personally my first dog was entire until he was 11yo. He had cancer in one testicle so was castrated. My second dog was castrated at 1yo (small breed). I was terrified he'd be stolen from the yard and used by backyard breeders - common enough around here for it to be a concern.