To think posters should be free to alter their details on sites like this so they are not ‘outing’ themselves???

[Potkettlexx]

Just that really. There are many people that use these types of sites do perhaps people don’t want to recognised so they chance a few details etc....

I’ve seen people jump on posts and start talking about inconsistencies etc but so what?? Someone might have a brother/sister/ friend that uses these sites so they change a few details so no one recognised them.

Really bugs me when people try and ‘out’ them and pick up on “Well last time you said this, that or the other....”

For goodness sake, surely it’s understandable. Sometimes I feel OP on here get a hard time so reversing it is sometimes a good way to get advice from a different perspective!!

I think it depends what it is, if the poster has a DD but changes it to a DS, changes the location from a pub to a cafe etc - fine, completely reasonable. But also if the story changes halfway through, or after a follow up post, or suddenly DD changes to DS mid paragraph and they were at home but now at Tesco’s etc, those inconsistencies can make it really difficult to follow what they’re saying.

Most longer-term posters recognise that people alter a few non-critical details to avoid being outed - changing a DS to a DD or altering locations for example.

In my experience people only pick up on details that are critical to the post where there are inconsistencies - but it's bad form to point it out on thread. They should just report if they think a poster is trolling.

There’s far more things on here that people say that should be questioned (for being downright nasty) then for people changing some details to stay anonymous.

I’ve known a friend post for another friend so posted it as if she was the other person to get the best advice etc...

I guess there’s always people trolling but IMO the ones that are the worst are the ones that argue black is white and are nasty simply because they are anonymous.

They should be consistent within a thread, so choose details that actually work in the first place and stick to them. I don't think anyone should be referring to a OP's previous threads though.

The issue I see is that if you're changing details then you're asking about the changed situation. The poster might think a change is irrelevant, the people responding might very much treat the situation differently.

For example Sparklesocks mentioned changing a location from a pub to a cafe - well suddenly you've changed a whole bunch of legal aspects around licensing, children, and so on.

Fair enough when it’s changing a DD to a DS or whatever. But if you’re going to claim you’re broke and out of food and have been living below the breadline for years and desperately need MN advice, maybe don’t have posts from a couple of weeks previously talking about your expensive holidays and private school fees...

'Reversing it' is totally unreasonable

I think that it’s often useful to refer back to previous threads though.

It’s impossible to give an objective opinion if the poster is living several different lives under the same username so e.g.

Poster posts that she has been with her partner for six months and they’re planning to move in together but she’s rightly concerned about the DC and his ex is a bit of a nightmare.

Then several weeks later the same poster posts that she’s had an amazing opportunity to live abroad and her husband, to who she’s been married for 25 years, is naturally cautious.

Even if you don’t see that as a reason to search previous threads as the topics are fairly innocuous, if you recognise the username then it stands to reason that you are going to remember inconsistencies and then potentially do a search to see if you’re actually correct.

If people are so inconsistent that others might remember them from previous posts under the same username then it’s natural that will be picked up.

In Alternative's example, the poster is either a troll who's inventing stories or one of the threads must be posted for a friend. You'd expect, though, that someone wanting to invent various dramatic scenarios using different details, would have the sense to name change. But possibly not, as you'd have to be bonkers to want to do that, I guess.

I don’t understand why reversing a situation is an issue. An opinion from other people with the facts being a b c is just that. It’s an opinion.

If the OP is wanting genuine advice then it serves they’re purpose to be factual with the info otherwise it’s pointless. Wasting they’d own time as well as someone else time.

I agree with people saying their kids go to private school one week then three weeks later op is a single mam on benefits. It’s totally pointless and a bit strange however it’s harmless? If not a waste of time. Perhaps they’re bored, maybe like a reaction, who knows.

Who’s to know what on earth on these sites is real/not real however. I totally get why posts saying how skint someone is etc should be watched if it looks suspicious that they’re wanting people to send them money to help their situation. They should be removed etc but ones that aren’t necessarily consistent I just don’t see the big hooo harrr.

I thunk the reversing of a situation is quite understandable as I think it’s shows the advice from a different stance. I personally don’t see why it’s a big issue.

I personally feel like some people are rude, unkind on here because they can be and get some kind of kick out of it. If you turn the situation around and post then and they’re still unkind etc then you know they’re option is invalid as they are ‘trolls’ just looking to be awful abd would do on many threads.

I thunk the reversing of a situation is quite understandable as I think it’s shows the advice from a different stance. I personally don’t see why it’s a big issue.

All you need to do is preface it with something like "My DH/DSis/MIL has this opinion" or "What would you think if somebody said/did/thought this?" Some OPs even start "I won't say which one I am yet, but A thinks this whereas B thinks this". That can be a bit annoying, but at least it's not childish in the way that reversing usually is.

I'm always changing little details about my dc ages or where we live etc. I don't change anything of any consequence but I do change anything that could be used to build a picture of me that's recognisable to real life friends. I'd be surprised if someone didn't.

Exactly OP!

It is strange when posters don't get this imo. I name change all the time but even with that, I post too many personal details. If I were to do an AIBU, I'd change some details.

Yeh, I think ''reversing'' is probably a very good way to step away from something that you currently only view from your own pov and then view through another lens. It's a mature approach imo.

It depends on what the differences are. If the OPs post is about how hard it is being a single parent but they posted last week and their entire post was about how their DH had upset them then they are incompatible.

I thunk the reversing of a situation is quite understandable as I think it’s shows the advice from a different stance. I personally don’t see why it’s a big issue.

The OP is generally unable to know the other persons feelings and motivations. They can be prone to exaggerate how the other person reacts.

😂😂😂 i got scolded for saying my son was 11 because he was 10 before...it had been his birthday 🤷‍♀️

There have been cases where they have definitely been bullshitting going on and I think the posters are right to call it especially (for example) a middle age man profile starts experiencing period problems or bullying in school you can take a second look

I change my username every week or two.

Totally agree! I frequently change poster name and minor details that don’t affect the meaning of comments because I work with a bunch of people who love to go poking Around MN trying to see who they know! I also have a lot of friends/ family who use MN and I don't want to out myself talking about certain topics.
Can be doing with the users who go after people and bring in different posts to the argument or complain about ‘inconsistencies’

Reverses are utterly tedious and as someone said upthread the poster doesn't have full knowledge of the other person's perspective.

Is this thread this week's version of "Mumsnet is full of mean people and bullies" ?

@ilovesooty

No, it’s about some, certainly not all, people being pedantic arseholes just because they can. 😉

I agree with people saying their kids go to private school one week then three weeks later op is a single mam on benefits. It’s totally pointless and a bit strange however it’s harmless? If not a waste of time. Perhaps they’re bored, maybe like a reaction, who knows.

Are you really excusing liars and trolls because they might be bored?

@WorraLiberty

Excuse them from what? Wasting their own time and other people’s time? It seems pointless absolutely but that’s all feel about it.

I’m far more concerned with the those that are harsh needlessly and are abrupt, short and unnecessarily critical etc...

imo a troll is someone that’s out to be nasty. Like when celebs have people posting nasty remarks etc... and those people take them to heart.

It’s not to say people can’t disagree etc that’s healthy debate it’s the ones that can cause people to shit shut unnecessarily. These are the people I’d consider trolls.

Feel shit*

Your opinion that a troll has to be nasty in order for you to consider them a troll, is just that - your opinion.

What matters here is what MNHQ think and they have fairly clear talk guidelines, which includes misleading people.