To think posters should be free to alter their details on sites like this so they are not ‘outing’ themselves???

[Potkettlexx]

Just that really. There are many people that use these types of sites do perhaps people don’t want to recognised so they chance a few details etc....

I’ve seen people jump on posts and start talking about inconsistencies etc but so what?? Someone might have a brother/sister/ friend that uses these sites so they change a few details so no one recognised them.

Really bugs me when people try and ‘out’ them and pick up on “Well last time you said this, that or the other....”

For goodness sake, surely it’s understandable. Sometimes I feel OP on here get a hard time so reversing it is sometimes a good way to get advice from a different perspective!!

What matters here is what MNHQ think and they have fairly clear talk guidelines, which includes misleading people.

I must admit that I didn't know this. I'm continually misleading people on here. I don't like disclosing my real details on a public forum.

Who on earth has time to search through posts trying to catch people out? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tania, MNHQ have said in the past they understand people changing small details, so it's a bit of a grey area.

Also, they seem happy to allow reverse threads to stand and they're obviously misleading.

MNHQ have been known to suspend posters while they look at inconsistencies so what you're saying is fine obviously breaches talk guidelines. Trolls are liars who waste posters' time, and often draw them into discussions on sensitive subjects. Far more damaging than people who stray across the borderline between robust / forthright and personal attack, which can be dealt with if MNHQ considers action necessary.

It depends what the details are.

Someone posting in March where they're having a rough time discussing TTC with with DP and are thinking of having a fake 'oopsie' pregnancy because they just know DP will be amazing and just needs a nudge, but posts again in May saying that DP and her have had a massive row about an unplanned pregnancy would find people rightly handing their arse to them.

Someone claiming to have a DH with a very important high paying job so they don't have to work later claiming that they're struggling financially and their parents are wrong for not giving them £2000 towards a new car would also be problematic.

Someone changing the sex of their child or suitably anonynising their anecdotes is totally fine.

I agree misleading people isn’t ideal, but to me that’s by the by as a member of netmums. You’re right in that it’s my opinion only, but I find it hard to understand why they delete/suspend whatever posts that say for example my dd is 7 then another one that says my ds is 13. Who cares? It doesn’t affect the person reading it.

Yet they let posts stay on that are particularly heated and pretty nasty back and forth comments. Some of these comments could really stick with people who they are aimed at but that’s alright... 🤷‍♀️

Just heard the sad news about Caroline Flack. To me Trolls online (not on here) will have impacted how she felt for sure poor girl.

Imo I think that the nasty harsh abrasive comments judging people etc are far far far more concerning that someone saying DH one week then DP the week after.

I wouldn’t say trolls are exclusively ‘nasty’, at least not on the surface.

Some are looking to getting off sexually and will ask for innocuous stories about certain intimate subjects, they might not appear ‘nasty’ but are manipulating posters into being accidental wank fodder.

Equally you get bizarre trolls who just make up exhaustingly long stories to draw people in for whatever reason (I guess attention or similar). Again this might not appear nasty but the fact is they are taking advantage of commenters who reply in good faith and offer advice. I know sometimes commenters can become quite invested or concerned about the OP only for MNHQ to pull the thread - and then they’re embarrassed their good will was taken advantage of. This is nasty in a different way than just posting horrible insults etc.

So report "nasty harsh abrasive comments" if you feel they constitute personal attacks.

The problem with trolls making stories up is that they are often about a person being in difficult or even heartbreaking circumstances.

If posters are to assume this is a real person I this situation they can spend a good deal of time offering advice and sometimes thinking about the poster and wondering if they are OK, therefore giving of themselves emotionally.

The other side of this is seeing how many posts about DC in hospital etc end up being trolls make you wonder when you see this kind of post whether it is actually true and therefor e may not take time to offer support to someone who is really in need.

Exactly @shinynewapple2020. I'd rather deal with someone who's too abrasive than lying emotional leeches. The latter cause far more damage.

@shinynewapple2020

I absolutely see what you mean. I just feel that they’ll let some things slide and continue and delete others.

@ilovesooty

Oh I would report them but I tend to keep away from those sorts of threads before they escalate. Some people thrive on the drama

Pointing it out on a thread is a sort of dogwhistle type of way to alert other posters that this might be someone not quite genuine without outright saying to the poster I've spotted you, your game is up, it being deleted for troll hunting.

Yes reporting is all well and good but it takes time for MNHQ to look at these things and in the meantime sometimes gullible or vulnerable MNers are being pounced upon.

Unfortunately people do sometimes troll and it's sad and unpleasant and wastes a lot of people's time. Sometimes circumstances matter.

Personally, I think the anonymity thing is unnecessary, I don't think you should be allowed to post of any site without them having your details as I think it encourages certain people to be really unpleasant.

The personal details I post on here are not quite accurate, not massively but enough for it not to be immediately obvious it's me if a friend was on here too. I think that's reasonable, but I might not be entirely consistent either if people were to trawl through my posts because I can't always remember what details I've changed.
I also quite enjoy some of the obvious bullshit threads but I do understand why there is low tolerance for them by mods.

I change insignificant details sometimes to prevent being recognised.
I’ve not a clue how to name change - how do you do that?

If people really believe their situations are so unique on a site of hundreds of thousands of people, they need an ego check first and foremost.

Where do we draw that line in the sand? Between "changing my kid's age from 14 to 15 because saying I have a 14 year old, at a school, would be so outing" and lying for whatever reason? Because trolls lie. And cause untold damage. And those of us who have been round the block on here don't even report them anymore because the site is crawling with liars (I'd say over 50% of the cheeky fucker/75 threads about my neighbour shite is lying and because HQ just say "no reason to think"

I just scroll down going "troll" "fakester", "creative writer" these days.

If people really believe their situations are so unique on a site of hundreds of thousands of people, they need an ego check first and foremost
Each individual post would probably never out someone, but I can see how if a poster has posted about their twins over time, asked for advice about a school situation, been on a support these for a specific illness and is now posting a situation with their MIL then that, combined with other smaller references over time, could be outing.

I think I worked out who a couple of people were on a different forum before.

I name change a lot. I try to vary some minor unimportant details when I remember but tbh I have an unusual life situation so it's probably pointless.

I don't think saying you've got kids in private school and then in state is a minor detail, though, because it's such a big subject here. I meant more like saying you've got two brothers instead of three, or you live in Lancashire instead of on the Wirral, in some thread entirely not about living in Thornton Hough. Note, I have never been to Thornton Hough. OR HAVE I? (I haven't!)

Years ago on here like 10 years! someone accused me of inconsistencies about my life but they were all perfectly true things that were just a bit surprising to all be in one life together. People are more complicated and contradictory than characters in a novel. We contain multitudes. So I don't get too Sherlocky about things that don't seem to 'go'.

However, I do notice what people say from thread to thread and it does affect how I respond to them. I can't help that - I think that's inevitable.

There are complete fantasists on here though! You have to keep that in mind. There have always been fantasists - remember Judge Flounce - 2005!