To think being an only child contributes to feeling suffocated in family life now I'm older?

[DangerMouseLivesDangerously]

Married with two SC and one DC. I am an only child and really enjoyed my own company growing up, I like to be left alone sometimes.

I think this has led to me feeling a bit suffocated now I have my own family as it's bigger than mine was growing up. Husband comes from a bigger family and likes to do everything together, doesn't understand me wanting to have some alone time with a book/TV show upstairs for example, thinks we should be together, watch films together, go out together etc...

We do spend a lot of time together but I find myself visiting family a lot more these days to just get away and have some time on my own to breathe.

I love my family but does anyone else feel like this sometimes? Sometimes I just want to shut the door and be on my own for a few hours, instead I end up using the excuse of a long bath to get some 'me' time. I feel a bit suffocated at the moment.

I come from a big family and feel this way sometimes. Had siblings and lots of cousins and aunts uncles etc always round. As a child i would like to sit quietly in my room! Even now when all the family get together its exhausting for me. Im not sure if its about growing up as an only child or not.
I have one dc not having anymore and sometimes now the constant being "on" as a mum etc means i want piece and quiet

I think its mum exhaustion that causes this 😂 go have a bath with strict instructions not to be disturbed!

I come from a big family and I much prefer to be alone, I refuse all invitations to group things.

It's really just a persons personality.

I don't think it's necessarily to do with being an only child, more down to personality type. I am the same but am not an only child. I need down time on my own to recharge and decompress. Even doing things like going to the supermarket on my own in the evening when it's quiet. It's not unreasonable to have some time to yourself, especially if it will help you in the long run. Your husband doesn't need to understand but does need to respect your needs.

Oh God yes! I am an only child with 1 DD and I REALLY felt like this when I was married. I need space to just "be", to think thoughts, read a book, just be alone. My ex was always just....there. Drove me nuts. DD is the same as me and likes her space. We can sit in companiable silence and not have to talk. It's bliss. We both get "peopled out". It's one of the reasons I went part time at work when I was married. I don't know how old your children are but it does get easier as they get older. Mine is 9 now and fine. Although half term is a bit of a challenge!

Yes this would be me! It's one reason I only had one DC, I knew I could not deal with a very busy and full-on home life.

But, my husband comes from a large family and he has no trouble understanding that I need time alone. Why won't your husband give you that? You shouldn't have to flee the house to get some space.

It just sounds like you're an introvert OP, I grew up in a family of four and we are all introverts 😁 there's nothing wrong with needed time alone to recharge. It's tough parenting though when you LO's need a lot of you and you just want to be alone!

Quiet by Susan Cain is a great book to understand how/what/why introverts are the way they are. I found it really helpful to accept the way I am

Perhaps you have turned out to be an introvert, who needs solitude to recharge their own reserves of energy.

It is very much a thing.

It's possible it's linked to someone's personality and more likely to present in one family structure but as PPs have said, there are extroverted lone children and introverted children from large families.

It's not that he won't let me have time out. But he doesn't get the need for it. And sometimes he does think that I just don't want to be around him/his kids for example.

It's not that, I just get overwhelmed when everyone is in the house!

Like I feel bad but I find it easier to handle when SC are at their mums. I don't feel like there's as much pressure then to be 'involved'.

It’s more to do with personality, plenty of people from larger families who like a lot of alone time and only children who don’t.

Agree with those who say you're just an introvert. As am I. Sometimes I dream of being able to send DH and the kids away for a week so I can have the house to myself to just chill and recharge.

OP, it sounds like it might be helpful for you and DP to both do a personality test (I like Enneagram, but there are others) and compare results. I think the big learning point from these tests is 'Not Everyone Is Like Me', and it will be helpful for you both (and especially DP!) to realise that. Enneagram is also great for showing you how 2 different types relate to each other healthily, what the problem areas can be, and how to overcome them. I honestly don't think it's to do with being an only child, it's to do with your different personalities.

I’m the same and I had a sibling. DH would be happy to be with me and kids alllll the time when not in work, I find it too much! In fact I’m sending everyone to the in laws today and I’m going to read in bed!

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This would drive me nuts! I love time to myself and it's really important to me. My husband does probably need it less than I do, but he understands it's something I need and is happy to do his own things while I do mine. I think in most healthy relationships there needs to be a mix of doing things together and doing things solo, surely? We each have our own interests too, as well as shared ones.

I think you might need to just be more forthright about it. I used to literally just say to DH after we had moved in together. 'I'm going upstairs to read, please leave me alone'

I would present as being an extrovert and still I struggled with the relentlessness of parenthood, I found it genuinely distressing not being able to get any space.

I have raised fairly quiet kids though so I do get it now

I used to feel like that when ds were younger, but looking after young children can be overwhelming. Not sure if that had anything to do with being an only child. My dh is from a biggish family and I can find family get-togethers a bit much sometimes.

I'm one of 4, (or 5 if you include my half sister, but we didnt grow up together) and often feel this way. It's just my personality, I need a lot of space and alone time. I really struggled when my children were very young, because it was so full on with them.

I don't think it's an only child thing or an introvert thing. I'm a sociable person from a large family, but I like my space in exactly the way you describe.

Definitely a contributing factor in my case is that when I was little we lived with extended family in a tiny house, and there was never enough space for people to be alone -- we had to eat dinner in different sittings at the kitchen table, and at one point I was sharing a double bed with my sister and our grandmother.

It's made me an adult who is grateful for a larger house and more alone time -- I also chose to have one child and a job that involves intensely solitary work.

But then I have absolutely no problem telling DH or DS that I don't want to be around them now, and to leave me absolutely alone unless the house is on fire until 5 pm.

Okay so maybe not the only child thing. I guess I never really classed myself as a proper introvert because I don't really mind family gatherings/seeing friends etc... But those are planned things, it's different to the day in day out.

My husband is actually far more introverted than me I would have said, it's only being around the kids that he enjoys doing all the time, he hates gatherings of any sort, going out etc...

I'm an only child and love being round people, but also need time alone. There's no divide between extroverts and introverts - it's a complete overlap of different needs at different times.

DP says the only sign of my being an only child is that when I put stuff down, I expect it to still be there hours or days later. I say he was brought up in a bear-garden...

Whereas I feel like I need space from him and the kids far more than he does the other way around. Maybe I'm just a terrible mother/step mother 😂🤦‍♀️

I think it's more to do with personality. I'm an only child and I'm like this. But then so is one of my good friends and she's one of five! I used to see my need for time alone as a character 'flaw', something I needed to apologise for or try to resist. Now I've accepted this about myself and I don't believe it's weird or antisocial, nor does it mean I don't love my family. I just need time on my own to re-charge. It's just who I am. DH doesn't really feel the need for alone time but he knows that I do, he doesn't get offended if I take myself off to bed early to read, or if I want to go for a walk or to the cinema alone. We each make sure the other gets child-free time. He prefers to spend all his child-free time socialising, I do a bit of socialising but prefer to spend the bulk of my child-free time alone.