To feel like I’m being used?

[SprinklesandWinkles]

I’m not sure if I’m expecting too much from the beginning of a relationship or if this isn’t ok?

I’ve been seeing someone since the middle of January so around 4 weeks. The last time we spoke was Monday so I text him yesterday, this was the conversation;

Me: Happy Valentine’s Day x
Him: oh I didn’t realise it was valentines today, happy Valentine’s Day x
Me: are you doing anything tonight? X
Him: nothing much tbh x

Now I wasn’t expecting him to do anything with me and he already knew that because I have a long standing thing I do on a Friday which he knows about. Just thought we could have talked on the phone for a bit since we haven’t spoken all week. I didn’t bother replying to that message because it felt to me like a I can’t be bothered to talk to you kind of reply?

We spoke last week about not seeing other people so I don’t think he was planning on doing anything with someone else, though he might have been.

The thing is, he will text me later because he’ll want a lift home from work from me tonight. I’ll be going that way from work myself so it’s not really a big deal for me to drop him off. Would I be unreasonable to say something like if he’s expecting me to make an effort with us, he needs to be doing more than only bothering with me when he wants something? Or do I just say I’m going somewhere else tonight and can’t give him a lift?

It's 4 weeks in, he's making no effort, you're not comfortable with it - move on, you deserve better

You deserve more enthusiasm! What attracts you to him?

OP, he's not pushed other than the lift.

Listen to your gut.

Tell him you can't give him a lift and see what happens.

It shouldn't be this difficult 4 weeks in.

Move on.

Tell him you can't provide a lift.. His response will likely be very telling...

What @Whynosnowyet said!

What Sidge said. Why leave contact to him. You're chasing him and then handing him all your power leaving it to him to contact you, which he does, when he wants something. Bin him off. 'I won't be able to give you a lift tonight. This isn't working for me so this will be my last contact. Wishing the best for you in the future. Farewell.x' And then block him.

How much time have you actually spent together in the past month? Have you been on actual dates?

Sounds like you want someone a bit more enthusiastic. Nothing wrong with that.

@SprinklesandWinkles
Not be fair, I’d have thought it was a quick check in, rather than than a full on, “let’s have a conversation”.

You seem to be missing my point though - in and of itself I said YABU but as part of a pattern you YANBU. Give it up.

It will be interesting to see if he looks for a lift tonight and if he makes any more of an effort besides. It does sound like you are a bit too convenient for him to drop you ie lifts etc.

Sounds like he can't be bothered and that he is using you for lifts.
Dump!

You asked him what he was up to. Well his new girlfriend isn't available on valentine's Day. Most of his friend and family are probably enjoying the day with their partners, so unless he has single friends to go out with, what did you expect him to say but 'not much'?

My OH is away for work and will go out with colleagues. If he asks me what I'm to that evening, my answer will also be 'not much' (I work FT in a demanding job, once since been to the gym which is routine for he, had shower and eaten dinner, I don't do anything worth telling about.

He already knew what you were doing so he wasn't going to ask you. I do think you are reading way too much into this conversation unless you are getting bad vibes and this is just reinforcing them.

Did you give him a lift?

@SprinklesandWinkles He is not into you, and is taking the piss.

I mean I know it's only been 4 weeks, but still...... he is showing signs of not giving a shit.

You deserve better. Ghost him.