unsupported head - new baby should I have said something?

[Pantsomime]

Just that. I’m sitting in car park now wondering. Woman with baby looked under 2 months with another similar aged woman and man in shopping centre. Woman carrying baby facing her with one arm supporting baby’s bum/legs and other hand mid back but it’s head was almost back by 45 degrees eyes & face straight up to lighting. Head not rolling or lolling but right back, it’s chin & neck was facing mum. I almost said something & trying to think how to phrase it but couldn’t as I was more afraid of upsetting her & getting a possible mouthful. Are we too Stiff upper lip when it comes to stuff like this or should We not care or are we too nosey? I just found it upsetting for baby but now questioning if I should have suggested baby may need head supporting by her hand. AIBU for not?

Unless you witness a child being abused then it’s not your place to say anything about how someone else is looking after their child

Don't you have anything else to worry about?

I wouldn’t say anything. I don’t like seeing babies with blankets covering the pram but I wouldn’t dream of saying anything.

My nephew had to be held upright after every feed due to reflux, in a similar position to what you've described. His head would go back a little but the hand on the back stopped it rolling/lolling.

The baby wasn't being hurt, wasn't in any danger, and you're overthinking it. You absolutely should not have said anything so it's a good job you didn't.

I wouldn't say anything because I know if anyone said anything to me I would probably tell them to mind their own business.

But I definitely understand, I've saw similar things and it just makes me cringe inside.

I saw a woman yesterday wearing her baby but the baby was wearing a snowsuit, didn’t say anything but wanted to!

I agree it’s painful to see but you can’t approach strangers to correct things like this. Their health visitor/doctor/midwife will hopefully spot and sort it.band if they were uncomfy, baby would cry.

My friend had a baby as a young teenager and didn’t support its head when she held her. I was only 16-17 but it made me wince even then seeing its head lolling around. Child has grown into a perfectly normal human being with a head sitting nicely atop her shoulders. So I don’t think it’s damaging in the long term even if it looks awful.

You could have a go but be prepared to be told to fuck off.

@DartmoorDoughnut genuine question, what’s wrong with baby wearing with the baby in a snowsuit?

You would LOVE seeing me with my baby - 3 months old, very good neck control and strength and enjoys pushing himself back as far as he can to stare at the ceiling/sky/trees.

Don't say anything, it's hard enough as a new mum without feeling like everyone is judging everything you do. Could be colic/reflux or maybe she just doesn't know.

@PumpkinP what's wrong with blankets in a pram?

@DartmoorDoughnut what's wrong with a pramsuit in a sling or carrier?

Genuine questions!

Baby can overheat in pram suit whilst in carrier, as they get body heat from you too.
Better to get one of those baby wearing coat attachments.

Snowsuits shouldn't be used with slings because a) they stop the sling from fitting closely enough to support the baby correctly and b) the sling is an extra layer and your body heat is an extra layer so a baby in a snowsuit and a sling is likely to overheat.

(I still wouldn't say anything though!)

I think blankets covering the pram means a blanket draped over the opening in the pram as a sun shade. It can raise the temperature inside the pram to dangerous levels.

Pramsuit in a sling I'd guess would be that its thick/padded so can prevent you from getting a tight enough fasten on the carrier/sling and due to body heat it can also cause overheating. It depends on the snowsuit really, what's being worn underneath it, and what the parent is wearing too. I used to carry mine in a thin, fleece suit and they weren't too hot. Earlier this week we had temperatures of 1C but it felt a lot lower due to the cold wind.

I’d have said something. No actually, I’d have sat in the car afterwards wishing I had.
I get caught up in that “mustn’t interfere” head space too.
I was in a lift recently with a baby who was snoring in his buggy and wanted to ask about it because I didn’t know, as a new mum, that babies’ snoring is a red flag and neither did my HV or GP. But I said nothing because I didn’t want to interfere

I meant blankets covering the whole pram which people do in the summer to stop the sun getting on the baby but you’re not suppose to do it because of over heating. I see it a lot though in the summer but like I said wouldn’t say anything. I think giving a stranger parenting advice is never gonna go down well..

Of course you can't challenge parents on how they are holding their baby!

Difficult one because it was an adult and you assume they know what they are doing. I’ve said something in a similar but more dangerous situation. I was watching DD climb one of those spider web climbers in a park and a group of approximately 10yos were also playing there. One of the 10yos was holding a doll and its head was rolled all the way back as you describe. Then the same child started climbing the spider web and I realized the Doll was a very young baby. I rushed in before thinking about it really and told the 10yo, nicely and calmly, not to do that as it was dangerous. I then looked around for a parent and there seemed to be a mum who had not been concerned by any of it. Some people are weird.

Jesus no wonder new mums are so panicky about going out if they are going to get judged for every little thing!

Maybe the baby in the snowsuit or the pram with blankets has a tendency to get cold?
Maybe the mother knows her baby better than a complete fucking stranger.

It’s known to be dangerous so it’s not exactly judging to find it uncomfortable to see! Like I said I would never say anything.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/living/1475330/this-is-the-reason-you-should-never-put-a-blanket-over-your-childs-pram-in-hot-weather-to-protect-them-from-the-sun/amp/

No one is judging they are concerned for the baby!!

All of these babies who potentially suffer because people are scared of upsetting the mum. In this case it sounds like baby was well supported and has been said could have been due to reflux or something; but blankets over the pram in summer or even worse car seats is really sad. Especially as I would guess the vast vast majority of people don't realise it is dangerous and think that they are doing the right thing, they won't change their ways as no one says actually it's dangerous.

If the neck wasn’t wobbling then the baby had good neck control. My DC didn’t require neck support from 4 weeks which is on the range of normal - but as he’s on the lower end of the growth curve a nosy busybody like OP might have considered him much younger

@Christmadtree and @Amys136 a thin pramsuit (sort of tracksuit material) is fine but a thick snowsuit can cause the baby to overheat and you can’t really get the carrier to fit properly. Ideally you want the baby wearing normal clothes and then layers over the top of both of you aka cardigan and baby wearing coat with socks and hat on the baby. Plus I don’t think you can see the baby’s face properly in a snowsuit which isn’t great for TICKS. But I’m just a fan of baby wearing not a sling consultant so although I think those things I don’t know them so I wouldn’t say anything. Although I do know our local sling lady so if I see the woman again I might get the courage up to suggest she goes and sees her!

Well pp has proven the reason why people don’t say anything, as being concerned for a baby in a potentially dangerous situation is seen as “judgemental”

I have only ever seen babies in slings that are in snowsuits in this weather. If they weren't no doubt someone would say they were underdressed.