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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

unsupported head - new baby should I have said something?

34 replies

Pantsomime · 14/02/2020 14:08

Just that. I’m sitting in car park now wondering. Woman with baby looked under 2 months with another similar aged woman and man in shopping centre. Woman carrying baby facing her with one arm supporting baby’s bum/legs and other hand mid back but it’s head was almost back by 45 degrees eyes & face straight up to lighting. Head not rolling or lolling but right back, it’s chin & neck was facing mum. I almost said something & trying to think how to phrase it but couldn’t as I was more afraid of upsetting her & getting a possible mouthful. Are we too Stiff upper lip when it comes to stuff like this or should We not care or are we too nosey? I just found it upsetting for baby but now questioning if I should have suggested baby may need head supporting by her hand. AIBU for not?

OP posts:
blushinmum · 14/02/2020 17:54

I use a snow suit in a sling. It was 0 today and my baby does not fit inside my coat, the wind is howling and I walk the dog for 45 minutes. Seriously I havent had to loosen the sling compared to Baby just wearing a coat. Feeling baby's neck it was not over heated and was wearing just a vest and a long sleeve cotton top with leggings and socks. My sling is a one layer fabric cotton one. I don't think you can just give blanket advice. Plus don't they say baby's need one more layer than you would wear. I was wearing a padded coat and it was bloody cold even walking.

To be honest baby's do put their head right back and it doesn't seem to bother them if supported, as you said the head wasn't jogging about. I really wouldn't worry.

peachgreen · 14/02/2020 17:59

To clarify, I would never say anything re: snowsuits and slings or judge because I don't know the baby! Some babies do feel the cold more, some mums produce less heat, some slings are thinner, some coats look more padded than they are etc etc. I was just clarifying why the advice is not to use snowsuits with slings generally. But of course there are exceptions!

Rosebel · 14/02/2020 20:08

Well my daughter was able to hold her head up at 3 weeks, even though my HV told me that wasn't usual so if you'd said anything to me I'd have given you a mouthful back.
Unless the baby was crying/screaming then it obviously wasn't in pain.

andyjusthangingaround · 14/02/2020 20:32

@Pantsomime - feel your pain!
You know it is not right, but on the other hand you are worried that you come across as judgmental

Knowing myself probably I would have gauged the situation and whether the mother was ready for some small talk about life and universe... where I could sneak in a question about the way she held the babys head. She might have been tired, new mum... and while majority thinks that YABU, I am with the Can I prevent harm?- if the answer isyes`, then I better try. It is up to the situation. But a very kind thought!

Original poster
Pantsomime · 14/02/2020 23:31

Thanks @andyjusthangingaround that is how I felt but couldn’t think of a way of interjecting without it coming over the wrong way, so I left it. Thanks all comments appreciated.

OP posts:
Loli2 · 14/02/2020 23:37

Riddiculous.

hunteddown · 14/02/2020 23:53

All my babies have had very good head control and could be held like that at that age. If you didn't even see babies head rolling around you definitely did good to keep your opinion to yourself.

Beseen19 · 15/02/2020 00:12

With regards to the overheating baby in prams/snowsuits I think a lot of the advice we follow is quite cultural. I am from scotland and first baby had barely any clothes on at home even in the middle of winter and house never above 19 degrees. Had second baby in very hot country and was given into trouble by many midwives for him not having 2 fleece blankets on and a hat at all times and the ac must be off when newborn in the room (so room around 26 degrees). My very sleepy jaundice baby refused to latch so as per uk advice I stripped him to his nappy (in warm room) and did skin to skin which caused the nurse to run over to him as she was horrified he could get cold. My doctor actually told me I had to keep a blanket over the pram at all times due to the coronavirus risk. So a lot of these people may just be following advice they have recieved?

PumpkinP · 15/02/2020 00:20

My doctor actually told me I had to keep a blanket over the pram at all times due to the coronavirus risk. So a lot of these people may just be following advice they have recieved?

I’ve seen people doing it for years so it’s not a new thing. It’s to shade babies in the summer, I never see it in winter.

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