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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a bit much for 8 year olds?

145 replies

Mydogatemypurse · 14/02/2020 11:03

A group of mums at my sons school have gone OTT on valentines day ... ringing other mums to alert them to who is dating who, and making sure that they are armed with presents and cards and making sure they 'dont forget'.
At the school this morning it was ridiculous. With a small group of kids getting showered with gifts/balloons etc whilst a lot were clearly left out.
Now my son isnt bothered in the slightest and didnt bat an eyelid, but my heart sank for some of the others who didnt get gifts and were looking on. I wondered about the impact on their self esteem at such a young age and whether the school should allow this.
Also I feel like a massive prude because I actually felt a bit uncomfortable with the parents encouraging the fuss, taking pictures of the happy couples kissing etc etc.
Am I completely out of touch?? I'm an old fart arent I?

OP posts:
Angelw · 14/02/2020 12:43

I would certainly mention this to the school Head. What’s going on in people’s heads🧐?What people do in their private time is their business but bringing their dramatic lives to school is just not on!

Original poster
Mydogatemypurse · 14/02/2020 12:43

I agree that it should be friends at this age. I do think its encouraging them to grow up too fast.

OP posts:
Gertrudesgarden · 14/02/2020 12:44

It's all part of the "performance parenting" behaviour types, isn't it? In my mind, 8 year olds shouldn't be "dating" or kissing or being lovey dovey...how do you explain to a 10 year old boy that grabbing the girl he fancies and making her snog him is sexual assault when he's been applauded and cooed over when he was 8 for doing just that?? Talk about blurring lines. Valentine's day is a piece of pish anyway (bitter old hag here who hates commercialisation and marketing) but to make a public show of your kids and how "fanciable" they are is fucking perverted.

MidsomerBurgers · 14/02/2020 12:44

Are the parents the kind that post on FB about their 'sexy little man/ princess' when talking about their children? It's all cringeworthy.

halcyondays · 14/02/2020 12:45

They do often make Valentine’s cards in school so it’s not weird if they give cards to other children. Parents getting them to balloons and gifts and ringing each other up is weird.

LaPoesieEstDansLaRue · 14/02/2020 12:48

Never heard of anything like this. For the parents to be encouraging it is completely bizarre and inappropriate!

gamerwidow · 14/02/2020 12:50

Meh it's just a bit of fun. My Y5 DD has taken a card and a teddy for her 'boyfriend'. They've been 'dating' for over a year although as far as I can make out this seems to consist of them completely ignoring each other for 90% of the time.

feelingfree17 · 14/02/2020 12:51

So wrong on every level. What is wrong with these parents.
No, you aren’t an old fart. Hopefully the school will have noted and will have a word with these ridiculous parents

user1487194234 · 14/02/2020 12:56

Generally speaking I am very liberal,live and let live type of person
But I have always disliked the habit of encouraging children to call each other boyfriend/girlfriend etc
And some parents as the DC get older seem to very much push their DC into coupledom, I have never understood why .I think they longer they stay in groups the better

3rdchristmaslucky · 14/02/2020 12:59

My son has had a "girlfriend" since nursery. He tells me he loves her and she will always be his girlfriend (even when they go months without seeing eachother).

In reality she is his favourite girl friend.

For Valentine's day, when he was 4, he asked if he could get her something to take into nursery with him. I said yes, thinking he would want to get her sweeties or something.

He made a bee-line for the flowers and picked her a pink bouquet. I tried to suggest something smaller but he was set on it. This is what boyfriends do for girlfriends on Valentine's day.

They have gone to different schools since then, so it's never happened since. But it always sticks in my head. It was totally his choice and it was something he wanted to do.

He also used to pick her daisy's on the way to class everyday.

Hockeyboysmum · 14/02/2020 13:00

My 10 year old has a girlfriend and has done for months now. Really it's a girl who is one of his best friends and has been for 2/3 years now. Some of their friends have had several girl or boy friends over the same period who they dont actually talk to. They have no interest in kissing holding hands etc and couldn't care less that others do. He picked her out a card and a teddy bear and chocs. I'm happy enough with the situation because they genuinely get on very well and are friends.

I am aware that a girl in his class had a boyfriend till she cheated on him(???) And then got with his best friend. They then split and shes now with another boy. The 3 boys fell out over all this. The mind boggles.

MutteringDarkly · 14/02/2020 13:00

Ugh. This kind of thing provokes me to live up to my username.

Areyoufree · 14/02/2020 13:11

Our children are becoming sexualised far too early - probably as a result of all of this "there are over 1000 genders" talks in schools.

That's some leap you've made there.

keyboardwarrior1 · 14/02/2020 13:17

So weird.

We used to live in the US where class teachers organised Valentines for elementary school kids and everyone sent one to everyone else. Thought that was weird but at least it eliminated the self esteem issues.

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 14/02/2020 13:20

None of mine were/are remotely bothered by Valentine's day at 8.

Luckystar777 · 14/02/2020 13:22

that is creepy

74NewStreet · 14/02/2020 13:23

That’s not a leap at all, Areyoufree.

Porkeypine · 14/02/2020 13:24

Well not read other replies but absolutely ridiculous from the parents point of view.

My lo is 11 and I’d no way encourage buying gifts for ‘boyfriends’ today. I wouldn’t let her. She’s 11 not 19!!

So shame on the parents encouraging this. I’m not sure what the word is, not sexualised as such, but heading towards that area..... 🙄🙄

Stompythedinosaur · 14/02/2020 13:25

Yuk, that's really creepy. I gave a small valentine gift to my dc this morning and I thought that was at the crazy end of celebrating. Horrible to push kids to imitate sexual relationships.

NameChangeNugget · 14/02/2020 13:25

Those parents are sad.

Sounds like they need hobbies

TheMarzipanDildo · 14/02/2020 13:26

I got ‘married’at 8. Can’t say it’s had any lasting effects to be honest!

gamerwidow · 14/02/2020 13:30

Horrible to push kids to imitate sexual relationship
How is getting someone a card and a present imitating a sexual relationship. What do you think they are buying for each other? handcuffs and lube? Having a girlfriend or boyfriend at that age has nothing sexual about it, my DD doesn't even hold hands with her 'boyfriend' let alone kiss or do anything inappropriate. It's just a bit of silly pretend play.

Andtwomakesix · 14/02/2020 13:32

wow that's so cringey...that is way over the top. I dont ever remember people making a fuss when i was a kid. My kids aren't interested in the slightest and would die of embarrassment if someone gave them a gift / card. I had to remind them this morning to be polite if someone did happen to give them one at school haha

alibongo5 · 14/02/2020 13:33

But that (for me) extends to you OP buying cards for your sons. It’s all part of the same thing, to me. Utterly unnecessary.

Completely agree. I've always disliked Valentine's Day - except in it's original sense of expressing anonymously your interest in someone else. Have never understood couples doing it (I married him didn't I, isn't that proof enough of how I feel?), let alone parents to children!

HomeMadeMadness · 14/02/2020 13:34

This is bloody ridiculous. There's a massive difference between playing at getting married, having a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", giggling that Tom likes Sally which is all fairly normal and making a huge song and dance over valentine's day at 8 years old. Clearly an 8 year old isn't going to be able to independently sort something out so it's actually all orchestrated by their parents and happening at school in a really public way that is going to create pressure and make some feel left out.

I do think some parents are massively over invested in their children's social lives. Of course you are going to be aware of who your kid's friends are and want them to have secure, healthy friendships but this kind of thing reeks of projection onto your kids lives to an unhealthy degree.