Should I change my engagement ring

[burntpinky]

Not really an AIBU, but more a question. DH and I now married with a DC. For my 40th (am now 41) he was going to get me an eternity ring (also to mark birth of our DC) but it looks a bit silly with my wedding ring (a half eternity with quite big diamonds) as it looks too much but also because the diamond in my engagement ring is quite small (no criticism there, just stating a fact as relevant to how the combo looks).

Have spoken to jeweller about making my endgame my ring into a halo so can keep original diamond given by DH but apparently it can’t be done.

So, do I get my engagement ring altered to have a bigger diamond and if so, what do I then do with the original diamond - I already have a necklace and don’t like jewellery on more than 1 hand?

Don’t want to upset/offend DH, he says he isn’t bothered, but I also feel like should just keep original engagement ring as is because he picked it out himself.

First world problems I know - just wanted to Mark 40th and DC birth with something I could keep/wear every day

I wouldn’t. I’d want to keep it original because it’s so special

Sorry to clarify, I never bought the eternity ring - so he’s wanting to get my 40th present sorted as not far off 42!

I think you should go for whatever makes you happy and you can afford.

You might get better responses in Style & Beauty though. I’m not sure AIBU is the place for a dilemma involving too many diamonds 😂

Thank you - @mumsnet - are you able to move my thread?

Why not wear the eternity ring on your left hand? I do because it just doesn’t fit with my engagement and wedding rings.

It’s really difficult to opine without looking at the rings. Fwiw, I have a half eternity wedding ring and a 1ct solitaire engagement ring and I would happily add a full eternity to the mix. Not sure I could get the same setting now though, DH got an absolute bargain online (Zoara) but think they’ve closed down now.

Why can’t your engagement ring be reset? Did the jeweller give you a reason?

I had my mums engagement ring reset to make mine. Not high street jeweller though, went to a family run proper shop, they did an amazing job.

Or buy a fab eternity ring and wear it instead of your wedding/engagement rings. You don't have to wear the some jewellery every day and an eternity ring is still a very meaningful gift from your husband. That way you could keep the original rings intact - it sounds like you might be upset to alter the engagement your husband gave you.

I have a beautiful half eternity ring, that suits my fingers well(short and a bit "stubby"! that I wear instead of my engagement ring .Had it when DS was born .

Forgive the awful nails, wrinkly hands etc. See what I mean though? Like the idea of trilogy ring. Jeweller didn’t give me a reason so might go in again and ask as would like to keep original if can. I think if the engagement ring was bigger then an eternity on top would look ok but think otherwise it would just look lost

Of course your engagement ring can be made into a halo. They just use the centre stone. However I would just wear an eternity ring in the other hand

I wore my engagement ring on engagement ring finger and my eternity ring on the ring finger of the other hand for similar reasons to what you are describing

I think I just don’t like jewellery on more than one hand but maybe I should wear a dress ring for a while to see if I get used to it?

If you change it, it won't be your engagement ring anymore though. That seems a bit odd to me.

Well considering OP wears the ring every day she should love it! And if that means changing it so be it.

DH lost two wedding rings (that I’d got him). After he lost the second one I said he’d have to replace it himself. Doesn’t make us any less married. People are too sentimental about these things.

Why not go for an eternity ring that actually complements your engagement ring? A slimmer band with a setting to match the shoulders of your engagement ring would be much better.

I think wear the eternity ring on your right hand.

Or another finger.

I had a similar issue in that my wedding ring was made to fit around my oddly shaped engagement ring. DH chose a straight eternity band which didnt for together with the other 2, I still occasionally wear all 3 but it's a bit much so I tend to just wear my eternity band as it's a bit more subtle, I have very slim fingers so dont wear a lot of rings anyway. FWIW I dobt think it looks bad from the picture you posted.

I wouldn’t change it, it wouldn’t really be your engagement ring then. I’d either choose another eternity ring, or I’d wear the existing eternity ring on the right hand.

I’d put the eternity ring on your other hand, or if you really don’t like jewellery on both hands, get a different present and not an eternity ring. You have two gorgeous rings already... I wouldn’t dream of changing my engagement ring, my fiancé picked in and remodelling it wouldn’t make it that ring anymore. I especially wouldn’t change it just to fit another ring on...

If you really, really want an eternity ring and to wear them all on the same hand; get a small band eternity ring so that it doesn’t effect your engaging ring? If your engagement ring is still the biggest, it’ll be the focal point anyway.

If the diamonds in the eternity are making the engagement ring look small, get an eternity with smaller diamonds? or wear it on a different finger? Engagement rings are special, swapping to get a bigger diamond does look terribly materialistic!

Why not look at different options for the eternity ring rather than the traditional style which is like your wedding band. Lots of band type of styles out there that might work with your existing rings - if you want to wear all 3 together. Twist rings, channel set, inlaid ones. Mine was custom made, is a bit different and I love it.

I would keep the engagement as is and just get the eternity if you want but I'm sentimental so couldn't bear to change the engagement ring. From the photo, the three wouldn't look out of proportion to me.

If they would look wrong to you and your opinion is the only one that matters and you aren't sentimental then have the engagement ring remade (there is little that cannot be done by a skilled smith) so a bit surprised about what you've said about the jeweller advising that your preference for a halo ring is not an option.

Is the jeweller who advised you a high street jeweller or a trade/designer/manufacturer? If the jeweller is high street then you would probably be better speaking to a good trade jeweller who I'd expect would be able to turn your ideas and a sketch into what you want. Often high street jewellers pass the work onto trade jewellers as they might say they have workshops in house but usually don't have the skills to refashion or even resize beyond sticking a ring on a mandrel. In my experience, trade jewellers tend to be better, quicker and cheaper than high street. For example, a high street jeweller was quoting a friend circa£800 to have an engagement ring with a big setting resized quickly for the engagement event (to be fair, it was being resized by a lot of sizes) but what they were planning to do would have also lost the original antique design and metal in the ring. It was in a metal we don't work with ourselves so we passed the work to a good trade jeweller in the Birmingham Jewellery Quarter who did a better job of resizing, keeping the original metal and antique design in a couple of days for less than £80.

Good luck.