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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To think this is NOT good enough?! I am furious!!

392 replies

Peanutsaga · 14/02/2020 09:32

NC’d So dd (8) has a nut allergy and has an epipen that she brings to school. Long story short, a girl in her class brought in a cereal type bar into school with her lunch but it had peanuts and other nuts in it as well as chocolate chips (you know the ones!)
Dd informed me that she saw said girl with the bar and then avoided her for the rest of the day and she could even smell the peanuts. I called into the school to let them know that this had happened but in short I was told, that the school had informed the parents of the no nut policy and sent it out via letter and newsletter, and that there wasn’t much else they can do as they cannot police the lunch boxes every morning. Is that it? I feel really let down and nervous about dd at school now!!

OP posts:
HTruffle · 14/02/2020 14:38

Our school has a no nut policy and it is strictly enforced. Packed lunches are checked for products containing nuts and children not allowed to eat them if such things like nutty cereal bars are sent in. It’s not impossible to enforce this.

QuillBill · 14/02/2020 14:48

My dd is anaphylactic to peanuts and I think YABU because you bare creating a false sense of security for yourself and for your daughter. Unfortunately, this is how they have to live their life. I think it’s really important that they know how to manage it themselves. To read the packets themselves rather than take other people’s word for it and to make sensible decisions like moving away from other people who are eating peanuts like your daughter did.

One of my friends dc had an analytic reaction at a party at school because he ate a snickers from some celebrations. He had never heard of snickers as obviously they don’t have them at home and the school just hadn’t thought about it in the Christmas chaos. My dd wouldn’t have eaten it as she knows to check herself and if there is no packet she can’t have it. Her school never banned any foods.

myself2020 · 14/02/2020 14:49

This is the problem
with allowing packed lunches unfortunately. our school does the other extreme - packed lunches are not allowed except in special circumstances, which is really the only thing that avoids this problem

Berrymuch · 14/02/2020 14:49

It doesn't surprise me that other people are selfish enough that they can't avoid giving things with nuts in after recieveing a letter. The same as those who can't resist taking photos and popping them on social media when told that it can be dangerous for some children, eurgh. Hope you're okay OP, your daughter sounds extremely sensible and like she recognises how to safely manage her allergy, hope it doesn't happen again.

QuillBill · 14/02/2020 14:51

Who is doing the checking @HTruffle? It must take hours and all sandwiches, cakes and biscuits must have to be shop bought.

Berrymuch · 14/02/2020 14:52

I don't blame the school though as they're quite limited time and staff wise unfortunately.

damnthatanxiety · 14/02/2020 15:02

DroppedBoxxedRuth I think your school misses the point that children are not the same as adults. Dc play in very close proximity. They splutter food and don't wash their hands and are generally just little germ (and food residue) spreaders. Adults are hopefully none of these! It is reasonable that schools ban foods that are commonly problematic.

BlooperReel · 14/02/2020 15:03

I think thats a pretty crappy response from the school. My DC's school also has a child with a severe nut allergy, they sent out multiple comms to parents, including examples of food that people may be unaware often contain nuts eg cereal bars, there are signs up in the school grounds about it being a nut free zone, and every class has had a talk about the no nut policy, so the kids are all hyper aware too. They've done great job.

My eldest DC also tells me the lunch monitors will check any items they see that may contain nuts (they walk around the hall when the kids are eating) and they check the ingredients listed and will confiscate if necessary.

MissEliza · 14/02/2020 15:12

I think it's a crap response too. School staff should be on the look out for things with nuts at lunch and break. (I'm a TA so I know this is easy to do) Also, my DD's school would send letters to parents who sent in products containing nuts.

Peanutsaga · 14/02/2020 15:18

Dd wouldn’t dream of saying anything to the girl in question, she is not that way inclined. The teacher called me in at pick up and told me that she was sorry it had happened and that they have sent a letter all parents as a reminder. She also had a word with the class as dd is not the only child with a nut allergy. They eat in the classroom, and only have packed lunches at her school. Hopefully it will sort itself. Thank you for the support, yes dd is very aware and very good at managing her allergy. I think I was just emotional this morning 😭😂🙈

OP posts:
Barbarella1 · 14/02/2020 15:27

My son will die if he is in contact with peanuts.im sure the selfish parents will stop sending there little darlings with nut products if they faced with court action when it all goes wrong.

Purpleartichoke · 14/02/2020 15:28

It would be appropriate for the school to
Remind the particular student and parents of the policy and point out that particular item is in violation.

It is surprisingly easy for people to make mistakes. I even had a teacher swear up and down that it was perfectly fine to send Nutella into the nut free room.

Purpleartichoke · 14/02/2020 15:31

Oh and I sent pesto to school over and over again for months before I realized what I was doing. No one at the school noticed either. That was a sad realization for us because it’s one of the few foods my ASD child will eat, but one I realized what I had done it stopped.

I don’t think most people want to ignore the rules. They just aren’t thinking about them all the time because they have their own personal issues crowding their heads.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 14/02/2020 15:35

She's furious that the school isn't taking action to mitigate the risk to her daughter so that she feels safer. I don't understand why your response to that is to say the OP is being hysterical!

As a parent with a child with multiple acute allergies, no one can make the child feel “safer” education and the child managing there allergies is the safe and only way to ensure she is safe and I even safe that with difficulty, there is no “safe” when it comes to allergies, it’s a false and wrong sense of security.

This child could be at the cinema and someone is eating peanut m&m in the theatre, the child could be on holiday and sat next to someone eating chicken sat-say, the child could be waiting at traffic lights and someone is eating a snicker bar.... the child can have family member at the pub eating nuts as a snack and pop in for whatever reason.

The only way to ensure this child is safe is that she’s fully aware of her allergies and how she manages them... there is no safe environment with a child with allergies even in their own home.

It’s been said on here multiple times and largely gets ignored Confused

UK Allergy is the UK leading allergy specialists disagrees with this policy.

The anaphylaxis campaign has NEVER promoted the banning of nuts, peanuts and other allergens... it’s creating a false sense of security for all involved and minimises that allergy self management and education is an absolute priority.

Goatinthegarden · 14/02/2020 15:52

I’m surprised by some of the attitudes tbh. We have a little one at my school with a very serious nut allergy. Parents are updated regularly and teachers and lunch staff are all vigilant about snacks and lunches.

Of course we cannot ensure a total ban, but we put effort into minimising the risk as much as possible. Why wouldn’t you?

The children have been educated on the seriousness of the allergy and generally, they and their parents all care/make an effort to be nut free.

A parent of a child in the same class as the allergy sufferer kicked up a massive stink because she felt her vegetarian child had to have a tub of nuts for snack every day (for the protein) and that her child’s need trumped that of a child who might suffer severe anaphylaxis. Ignoring the fact that her PFB could eat nuts as an after school snack....

NomDeDieu · 14/02/2020 16:03

In my school your dd could have mentioned that to the dinner ladies and the ceral bar would have been taken away. Like they do anyway with chocolates etc...

There would also have been a strong letter to all parents reminding about the no nut policy and how they would put another child's life in danger by not following it.

NomDeDieu · 14/02/2020 16:08

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend, that makes sense.

I do think there is a need to have many talks about the subject though. The OP's dd has avoided said child for the rest of the day. What if the dd knows that she can have an allergic reaction just by touching that child (i know a few children would end in anaphylactic shock just by touching a table/plate where peanuts were before)? What if the child in question carries on bringing ceral bars and then feels excluded/bullied by the dd beause she looks like she doesnt want anything to do with the child in question?

Alanna1 · 14/02/2020 16:17

I’d write to the school and say they have a duty to keep your daughter safe and that your daughter has a protected characteristic under the Equality Act and they have a duty to make a reasonable adjustments because of her medical condition, which would include (e.g..... I would see what you can find from suitable charities or organisations in the field and consider what would obviously work for your school but eg perhaps dinner ladies policing lunch boxes? assemblies on the risk? letters home to children whose lunch boxes don’t comply? And to consider other measures if thise don’t work?). And I would contact a solicitor if you don’t get anywhere - www.legal500.com/c/london/public-sector/education-individuals/ -

PurpleDaisies · 14/02/2020 16:20

Keeping her safe doesn’t mean making the school a nut free environment though, alanna.

Berrymuch · 14/02/2020 16:23

Why can't it be nut free? Bar some cooked lunches so allergy sufferers are aware and children can be reminded to wash their hands afterwards.

OptimisticSix · 14/02/2020 16:25

YANBU and its not good enough. A note should be sent home with the child just reminding the parents how dangerous this can be! At my children's school they have been told about the dangers of allergies and my children will always point out if I've accidentally picked up a Cereal bar with nuts in.

ddraigygoch · 14/02/2020 16:36

Nut free means absolutely but free.
So you can't expect parents to not include foods that 'may contain' as this is solely a protective measure and only risks CC.
You can't ban the children from eating nuts for breakfast or on the way to school. So they will have nut residue on them and could trigger an Ana reaction in an allergy child.

This is not the school responsibility. And it's not a disability.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 14/02/2020 16:44

Why can't it be nut free? Bar some cooked lunches so allergy sufferers are aware and children can be reminded to wash their hands afterwards.

Do you know how many food contains nuts, nut oil, peanuts and peanuts? Not to mention non food sources.

Google it.

Craft materials, sun cream lotions, vitamins supplements can all contain nuts and peanuts and even traces of it etc....

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 14/02/2020 16:50

Alanna1*

The school is clearly adhering to their duty of care and there equality act!!!

The school is right that they cannot force people to be “nut free” or state the school is “nut free” or can and and nor should they give this OP dd a false sense of security in something that is impossible to give.

It goes against the leading charities advise when dealing with allergens.

Hercwasonaroll · 14/02/2020 17:42

My son will die if he is in contact with peanuts.im sure the selfish parents will stop sending there little darlings with nut products if they faced with court action when it all goes wrong.

How is the responsibility with the parents? The responsibility is on you and your child to not eat nuts. You would be laughed out of court with a claim for this.