Wwyd? Nursery situ

[Hairwizard]

So dd goes to nursery 2 days a week.
Sils bestie works at said nursery. Senior position aswell.

The room dd is now in has a window that separates her current room with previous room, where bestie works in.
On the days dd is in she raps the window looking to get into other room to see bestie, which they usually oblige, its all very cute bla bla bla..

Last night sil showed me a vid clip of dd being filmed doing this, bestie had filmed it and had showed sil, they were laughing about etc.
Im really not happy about it. I thought nurseries had rules on this sort of thing?
The nursery my ds went to staff were not allowed their phones whilst working. They were kept with tbeir personal belongings in their lockers in staff room.

I feel i should speak to the nursery about this. I hate that am in this position and i know it will ruffle feathers at home, but if had been any other staff member it would be the same result. While my dd is there shes a child in her care and shes a member of staff with responsibilities abd duty of care. Wwyd? Go to nursery or have a word with bestie ??

I think I would speak to the friend rather than getting her into trouble. Point out that it could have got her into a lot of trouble and did make you feel very uncomfortable. I agree it was wrong but sometimes you have to think about what’s best for your own relationships.

Oh ofsted would be on them like a tonne of bricks. Ask to see the nursery policy, were they recording on a mobile?

In summary, a member of staff who is friends with your SIL has filmed your daughter on a personal device?

If so then I would report to the nursery manager, and expect her to lose her job.

Oh I wouldn't like that either. Speak to the nursery. They won't let on that it was you who told them.

I think I would speak to the friend rather than getting her into trouble

Why? If she's stupid/careless enough to break the rules, then it's better her manager knows.

I would check your contract with the nursery, as some nurseries have it written in that children may be filmed or photographed with a nursery phone for use in their learning journey. So that may explain the film to begin with, but there's absolutely no way it should be shared, and if she filmed it on her personal device that's doubly out of line.

I'm sure the friend thought it was harmless but as someone who works with kids she should 100% know better.

My feeling is she should fucking know better. I dont see why i should treat her differently as to another staff member doing it. She knows she shouldnt have as sil mentioned when showing me she said 'oh i must show hair that, give her a laugh!' And she apparently replied 'no dont be showing her that.' I dont think its clicked with sil her saying that, or that she shouldnt have been filming in first place.

Depends if you want her potentially sacked or to maintain friendly relations. Either way though I'd be pissed off to say the least.

I'd probably check your policy first and then assuming it's allowed I'd say something like 'if you're doing to film DD please can you share anything with me before anyone else'.

Assuming it's not allowed, which is the more likely, I'd say 'please don't do that again or I will have to report you'.

They have my permission to photograph for their use in nursery but not for it to be shared on fb etc. So that covers that issue. I believe it was on personal device as she sent vid to sil. Who has sent it to me. I would be keen to know who else has seen that outside the nursery...

Even if intentions weren't devious this isn't right and would not sit well with me at all.

Anyone working with children will be acutely aware of safeguarding policy and will know filming a child on a mobile to show around later is an absolute no no.

I know it's a difficult position but if I were in your shoes I would be raising it with management. I would also call your SIL to raise how inappropriate it is.

Trust your gut and never feel bad for protecting your child.

Your SIL is pretty clueless given her mate basically told her not to show you it

It will be taken extremely seriously (well, actually, it should be taken extremely seriously). If she’s recorded a child in the nursery on her own phone and then sent that video on to someone else she should be sacked.

If it’s likely to cause you a lot of trouble at home I’d be tempted to have a word with the friend along the lines of “DD is a child in your care, I expect her to be treated the same as any other child, which includes not being recorded on your phone”

However, it is something I’d be tempted to report as nursery staff simply shouldn’t be recording kids and sending the videos on to other people. That being common place just leads to gaps in safeguarding that someone with bad intentions could exploit

I'd report it, personally.

It's a safeguarding issue and rules are there for a reason.

The fact she didn’t want you to be sent it is what makes it worse for me

It’s bad enough someone ignoring the rules and sending something cute to a parent they know well. It’s corner cutting and shouldn’t happen, but in some places it does (when kids that are known to staff are in a setting I find they are either over careful or over relaxed with rules in my experience)

Breaking the rules and actively expecting the parent not to be told is a huge issue

Also, the nursery DS goes to are SO strict on their phone policy that I once got my phone out to check the HVs telephone number which they needed for their file and you'd have thought I'd brought a gun out my pocket the way they reacted.

There is no way any of them would get away with filming on their phones because having a phone in the room is such an issue there. As it should be.

If no one else said anything about bestie filming that means they're either all doing it or they're scared of mentioning it for other reasons and it needs to be cracked down on across the board. So report it, if not for your child, then for the others who potentially do have safeguarding issues around being filmed.

I thought that the policy in nurseries was that staff shouldn't have their mobile phones on them at all while working?

Thanks for replies peeps. I shall be speaking to nursery later today as if i leave it til mon when shes next in i will have talked myself out of it. Its bothering me more cos of her saying that. Im really fucked off to be in this position tbh.

@dognamedspot

Thats what i thought going by ds nursery policies, id have thought things like this to be standard in all child care settings.

Definitely report this. I would. Even if you were OK with it, she should consider if there were other children in the background etc. I'd be fuming and definitely report it.

I’d report it too. Friend of your sisters or not, it isn’t okay. Even worse that she filmed it, showed it to your sister but tried to hide it from you!

I'd drop the nursery an email and ask the nursery manager to give you a call. And do it over the phone. You can write a script for what you want to say and practise it, so it sounds reasonable.

Like "Hi Manager, thanks for calling. I just wanted to speak to you briefly about a video taken by X and sent to my sister in law last week. I know it's a cute video and harmless, but I usually take care to keep DD off social media and I'm uncomfortable with her being filmed and the clip sent to someone else outside the setting when it's not meant for me or for the purposes of the early years curriculum. I'm not angry (and I'm otherwise very happy with the care and how well DD gets on here) but I don't like it. I feel it's unnecessary and I'd really prefer it doesn't happen again. I just wanted to make you aware."

It's the nursery manager's job to have that conversation. This isn't your DD's keyworker and you might not even see her if she's moved rooms. So you don't really have a reason to approach her directly if you don't want to.

Then after that text SIL back and say "oh my goodness. That's a cute video but I'm not sure how I feel about bestie taking videos of my child at work. Can you ask her not to do that? Thanks so much!"

If you approach it the right way you might get an apology by pickup!

@PhilipJennings

Yea that pretty much is what i planned on saying, im not looking for heads to roll or anything just to bring it to their attention.

I'd be incredibly angry and speak to the nursery manager- seriously not on at all! Our nursery have a no mobile policy and we sign countless forms if any images are taken or want to be used to social media.

I think you're right to speak to the nursery. I hope you get a very sincere apology.

I'd be speaking to the manager. If the manager isn't in then I'd be waiting until I could see them personally.
Don't leave this with another senior member of staff who will likely be on the phone gossipping to 'bestie' about the complaint before you leave the building if this is the culture of senior staff working in this place!
If she can do this with other staff present then sadly I think it's probably not the first time the children have been photographed or videoed on personal devices.

Funny i drove into the nursery carpark earlier only to see her car there so left again. She works between 2 sites so not always there.
Will call in again after lunchtime. If she saw me there and next thing shes called to the office she will know it was me.