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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to carry 2 year old down stairs?

58 replies

kayakingmum · 13/02/2020 16:47

She can easily walk down the stairs but she wants me to carry her. Her tantrum has been going on for 15 mins so far.
Shall I gave in or not?

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 13/02/2020 18:37

I’ve started doing this as I’m pregnant; DD isn’t overly happy but it turns into a bit of a battle of wills at a certain point

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 13/02/2020 18:39

I agree with WorraLiberty - it's more dangerous to carry a toddler than for them to go downstairs on their bottom or backwards, or to walk themselves holding the banister or with a hand on the wall.

I stopped carrying dc1 downstairs at 20 months because I was six months pregnant and my center of gravity had shifted and I very nearly fell while carrying her.

Mind you I'm not the world's best coordinated person and am still the only member of my family to have fallen down stairs in our house... Children are all physically too big to carry now.

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2020 18:43

I used to make mine go down on their bums, just like my parents used to make me and my siblings do Grin

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 13/02/2020 18:50

I wouldn’t give in to the tantrum. But I have happily and confidently carried a two, three, four year old up and downstairs many a time, even when they were perfectly capable and experienced, and am a bit bemused by those suggesting it’s inherently too dangerous to chance. I’m pretty strong though 💪🏼 and tend to feel that occasionally babying a child who is telling you they need to be babied is part of creating a secure and independent child in the long run.

I guess perhaps it’s dangerous if you haven’t done it for a while...

runrabbitrunrunrun · 13/02/2020 19:18

She’s 2. What are you trying to prove? What do you gain if you win?

ChristmasCarcass · 13/02/2020 19:25

It’s not safe for me to carry DS3 downstairs - I’m short, he is heavy, and he tends to flail backwards with no warning. He’s had a few tantrums in stations, but will eventually give in and walk holding my hand with a lot of “Oh WELL DONE DS!” from me. DH can still carry him, he seems to have no trouble learning the difference. Happy to carry him on the flat, not on stairs.

MapMyMum · 13/02/2020 19:28

I hope you're not still sitting out the tantrum op! Personally I would distract away from the tantrum and go down on my bottom just in front of them and encourage them to join in at that age. Having said that when my ds8 is tired, I quite regularly piggy back him up the stairs to bed 🤷‍♀️

ChristmasCarcass · 13/02/2020 19:31

To all the people saying “oh it’s easy why not do it” - I am 155cm, DS is 95cm, if he flings himself backwards he will take me with him. Happy to carry him in a sling (because he can’t lean back, and I have a hand free to hold the bannister), not happy to carry him in my arms when I can’t even see where I’m going because he is blocking my line of sight.

If you would be happy walking downstairs blindfolded with both hands tied together, with occasional unpredictable shoves off-balance, knock yourself out. Not safe for me.

Bringonspring · 13/02/2020 19:47

Seriously ...dangerous......

FilthyforFirth · 13/02/2020 19:55

I have this with my 2.9 year old. He always just seems so sad and I think, he wont want it for much longer. I prefer him to walk though! DH doesnt entertain it and makes him walk!

Hugtheduggee · 13/02/2020 19:59

I've never given it a second thought occasionally carrying my 2.5 up up or down the stairs.

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 14/02/2020 06:30

Up the stairs is fine. Down the stairs it's usually safer for the child to walk.

In most houses children might be carried upstairs to bed occasionally if they've fallen asleep in the car or are very tired on arriving home after a day out, but they'd be far less likely to need carrying downstairs due to being tired ordinarily...

It's obviously far more likely the adult carrying the child will fall down the stairs than up. If they do it's the child who's likely to be badly hurt especially if the adult lands on them!

sparklefarts · 14/02/2020 07:10

My sister fell down winding cement steps whilst carrying my toddler. One of the scariest moments of my life. Don't do it!

Yesterdayforgotten · 14/02/2020 07:15

I carry my threeyear.olddown the stairs occasionally. But then he's not mastered them yet - I couldn't just leave him and wait it out.'

This ^

HaveAtEm · 14/02/2020 07:16

@GummyGoddess Today...today is when you stop carrying!

Yesterdayforgotten · 14/02/2020 07:18

DC happily goes upstairs by self supervised but would never come down if left as abit scared still going down them.

BlueEyedFloozy · 14/02/2020 07:19

I wouldn't give in to a tantrum and I CBA carrying an able bodied child up and down the stairs.

My youngest learnt to shuffle down on her bum before she could walk and my eldest used to have great fun lying on his belly and sliding down feet first as quick as he could - like Superman on rewind with constantly bruised ribs 🤣

Yesterdayforgotten · 14/02/2020 07:22

OP I know you said she is able to walk down them but could she be scared?

WreathsAndRopes · 14/02/2020 07:22

I would either give in or shut dd off from the stairs. I'm pretty sure tantruming at the top of stairs is more dangerous to being carried down.

But that and crossing a road is the only time that I give in to 'pick me up' tantrums.

GummyGoddess · 17/02/2020 20:03

Forgot to come back to the thread, do I stop carrying both completely or both at the same time? I have started carrying them separately now.

Yesterdayforgotten · 17/02/2020 20:11

GummyGoddess I would carry them separately as safer and easier on you.

user1494182820 · 17/02/2020 20:19

Have you asked her why she doesn't want to walk? Having a conversation, empathising with her, then explaining why she must walk, is more likely to avert a "tantrum" than a hard no. I wouldn't want to carry my nearly three year old down the stairs, but it's not something she'd want me to do. "tantrums" about other things are resolved quickly and easily as above.

Yesterdayforgotten · 17/02/2020 20:29

user1494182820 a conversation with a 2 year old Confused my dc must be seriously behind with his speech than!

Kitsandkids · 17/02/2020 20:39

It wouldn’t occur to me not to carry my 2 and a half year old up or down stairs if she asked me. Usually she wants to be independent and do it herself but sometimes she asks and I’ve never felt it was something I needed to say no to.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 17/02/2020 20:43

gummygoddess
Please ignore the bizarre hysteria on here.
I carry my 2 year old and 4 year old down the stairs all the time and occasionally together, as does my husband. It’s really not weird at all.