To spend my birthday how I want to and not let inlaws guilt me?

[AIBUBirthday]

NC as this is very outing due to the dates. My birthday is on Easter Monday this year. While bil and sils birthday is 3 days after mine and its their 30th birthday this year. They are planning on celebrating their birthday with a family meal at mil's house on Easter Monday. Mil is already trying to guilt us (me, dh and our dc) into going (she would not care if I go as long as dh and our toddler goes but would not come out and actually say that). Dh says it's my choice what to do on my birthday. Is it unreasonable that I don't want to spend my birthday celebrating their birthday or spend it alone without my dh or son? It will most likely be made clear the meal is for their birthday and my birthday will barely get acknowledged (I know I sound quite self centered as its also Easter too). Mil is also trying to make out like it's my fault and I'm unreasonable and trying to ruin their 30th birthday. In the past dh and I have gone to mil's house for Easter it was made clear the meal and birthday cake was for them and not me - I was made to feel like a spare unwelcome part. They usually celebrate their birthday on Easter weekend with a family meal even if their birthday is on a different day. Also they did nothing for DH's 30th birthday. In fact bil forgot to send a card until a week later.

AIBU to celebrate my birthday at home?

Goodness, take your dh and your son and have a lovely birthday doing what YOU want to do.

They're all grownups, they can cope. If they really really wanted your family there then they would choose a different day; as they haven''t they'll have to do without you.

If I were one of them, I would change the day as Monday is not the actual birthday so I could equally well choose Thursday, Friday or Saturday instead, or even the right day whenever that is.

Have a lovely birthday!

I'm going to disagree with the majority.

My family has a cluster of 5 birthdays within a week. When it's been a significant birthday (21st, 30, 40,up to 75) that falls on a holiday or weekend, we've always done the big celebration for that person even if it falls on someone else's birthday, and done a celebration the night before or day after for the one missing out.

For example, DS's 15th birthday was on the Friday night his grandmother was celebrating her 70th with extended family (the time that worked for the 18 people coming). He was happy to do this, we had a special birthday breakfast on Friday and a birthday meal on the Saturday for him.

SIgnificant birthdays involving extended family are a nightmare to schedule.Take one for the team and celebrate on the Sunday yourself.

Given all that, I wouldn’t go even if it wasn’t my birthday!!

What will they do if you start doing as you wish? Probably their little heads will explode!

I was along the lines of you should go but reading on they sound like fucking awful people. I would laugh and act confused “MIL, have you forgotten that’s actually my birthday? Of course we already have plans!”.

If you decide to go then make sure you have the biggest birthday badge, a t-shirt cheering It's my Birthday Today and maybe even the biggest sash you can find! I would even consider taking a birthday cake for yourself too. Your MIL will be so annoyed.

I certainly wouldn’t be ‘taking one for the team’ – can you imagine: sitting there singing ‘happy birthday’ to them, knowing it’s not actually their birthdays but it is yours… And nobody really acknowledging the fact that it is your birthday? It’s really bizarre! I really can’t imagine the thinking behind celebrating your birthday on a day that is not actually your birthday, but it is your SiIL’s birthday… and you expect her to come along to celebrate your birthday. Weird.

If it were me, I'd go out and do what I want for the day and tell the in laws we'll be round after their dinner, to swap gifts with sil & bil and have a quick cuppa & slice of birthday cake.
For added bonus, I'll also drop off DC for the in laws to babysit whilst DH and I go for dinner that eve.

Yanbu. The deliberately exclude you and don't even acknowledge you dhs 30th. Fuck 'em.

Op this is so miserable. Its such an awful position to be in. Just think to yourself if they were really lovely and had made you feel included and welcome this wouldn't even be an issue.

Don't think about it and go and have a wonderful day.

Your day, your way! Avoid all the in laws and have a fabulous day out with your family. They sound like a bunch of turds.

I would absolutely not go and sit there in misery on my birthday.
F that.
Have a nice day doing what you and your DH & DC want to do.

Don’t go, and make plans to include your toddler. Your DH has the choice of spending it with you or MIL. Maybe worth reminding MIL that it’s your birthday on the day and you’ve made other plans. Its hard to understand why your MIL is being horrible, does she not like you?

It's odd that they've put it on the Monday anyway. That's the last day of the long weekend and for quite a few people it'll be back to work the next day. The Saturday would have been better! Or are BIL and SIL doing a celebration of their own earlier in the weekend?