Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to babysit

38 replies

Janet2014 · 13/02/2020 15:10

Hi, just wanted to find out if I was being unreasonable. Our au pair usually babysits twice a week (including once at the weekend). However, we agreed before she started that she would babysit on Saturdays once a month. She actually hasn't done any babysitting at all for the past month. Her parents came to see her last weekend and she was off from Friday evening until Monday late afternoon (when they returned home). Her friends are coming next weekend and I've asked her to babysit on Saturday evening and she's upset about it (she'll have Friday and Sunday evening free). As she rarely babysits am I being unreasonable to ask her to give up her Saturday evening this time round (it would be the second time this year)?

OP posts:
Enchiladas · 13/02/2020 15:13

I'd just ask someone else the babysit. She already has plans, she shouldn't have to cancel them.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/02/2020 15:27

I think YABU, babysitting should be a choice not a requirement. Let her have her weekends off

1Morewineplease · 13/02/2020 15:29

Is your agreement in writing?

Ellisandra · 13/02/2020 15:33

Where is she from, and where are her friends visiting from? If it’s another country, I can see why she’s upset.
She not a nanny with a strict contract.
The point of the au pair scheme originally, was treat someone as a family member. If this was an older cousin who had a rare chance to see friends from another country when she was living abroad, would you be happy to forget your “agreement”? Probably.

Looneytune253 · 13/02/2020 15:39

Is that the only childcare she does? If so she needs to honour that. I'm guessing tho, as she's an au pair there is some more childcare also happening week to week?
Personally I'd say find a babysitter for babysitting and keep your au pair for weekday work childcare.

JosefKeller · 13/02/2020 15:42

She has plans already, I would let her have her Saturday. Ask her to babysit another time, and remind her it was part of the agreement.

Nothing wrong with 1 Saturday a month IF it's part of her hours and paid accordingly.

Brazi103 · 13/02/2020 15:45

I think as you havent specified which Saturday, that's the problem. she has plans already. You let her know after her plans were made. I think you need to commit to a specific Saturday a month or let her know 2 weeks in advance or some sort of agreement. Saturday's are the best day of the week to make plans for.

Chickychoccyegg · 13/02/2020 15:46

if 1 Saturday a month is in her agreed contract i would be making sure she did one Saturday a month, i wouldn't get her doing this Saturday if she has people visiting unless you can't change your plans or find alternative childcare.

Pilot12 · 13/02/2020 15:48

If she agreed to do one Saturday a month, both of you sit down with your diary's and write the dates in for the next few months now then you can both plan your social lives around it. If you want her to do extra I'd pay her extra for it.

Notonthestairs · 13/02/2020 15:50

Sounds like you have made a last minute request. You need to coordinate it together to get the best out of the arrangement and keep goodwill on both sides.
I'd get another babysitter or this weekend and then get your heads together to plan the next few months.

JosefKeller · 13/02/2020 15:52

if 1 Saturday a month is in her agreed contract i would be making sure she did one Saturday a month

Why? She is an au-pair getting pocket money, not something to get your money worth. Things work better when around good will from both side. But yes, if it is agreed, it's part of her hours and there's enough notice, of course not unreasonable to ask her once a month.

PersephoneandHades · 13/02/2020 15:58

I'm not surprised she's not keen, I know she agreed before starting but assuming she's getting paid the usual going rate for an au pair (shite) it doesn't seem fair that she has to give up her weekend.

Au pairs are young people looking for some extra money, not highly paid professional nannies so I would expect them to have their evenings and weekends free for their social lives and personal time.

How much childcare and housework does she do during the day/week?

fedup21 · 13/02/2020 16:02

Her friends are coming next weekend and I've asked her to babysit on Saturday evening and she's upset about it

If her friends are coming for the weekend, I’m not surprised she wants to spend Saturday night with them!

What other (how many hours?) childcare does she do during the week for you?

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 13/02/2020 17:11

I always try go give our au pair as much notice as possible for babysitting and I wouldn't ask if I knew she had family or friends visiting.

ilovedjerrymore · 13/02/2020 17:36

To be honest if she already had plans that had been made in advance before you asked her to babysit then she should still be able to do them. How much notice did you give her?

negomi90 · 13/02/2020 17:52

Yes you are. She has plans and once a month can be any Saturday that month.

Original poster
Janet2014 · 13/02/2020 19:59

Thanks for all your replies, the Saturday babysitting is in her au pair contract, she works 20 hours a week but in practice probably does about 12 hours sole care, picking up from school mainly on Monday to Thursday. I usually give her a week's notice which is normally not an issue, when I asked about next weekend she sprung it on me that her friends were visiting, some last minute planning at their end. She is from the Netherlands. I'll give her the time off as don't want to be seen to be unreasonable.

OP posts:
Postmanbear · 13/02/2020 20:02

I think you need to plan your Saturday nights a few weeks in advance so you can both plan around it

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/02/2020 20:17

You need to give her a list of which Saturday in the month you want her to work. Or say every 2nd Saturday in the month. That way she knows what her free Saturdays are.

CakeandCustard28 · 13/02/2020 20:22

You’ve barely given her any notice. Maybe start telling her a good month in advance so she can plan around it?

Ponoka7 · 13/02/2020 20:30

I agree that you need to plan in advance. Because she has friends visiting, you let her have this Saturday off.

Do you want someone who may be feeling resentful babysit your children?

BarbedBloom · 13/02/2020 20:35

I think this is quite short notice to be honest. I would just plan a few Saturdays in the diary ahead of time so everyone knows where they are

idontlike789 · 13/02/2020 20:38

I agree sit down and sort these dates in advance. If it's agreed your not unreasonable but your suggesting it's only the 2nd time this year but it's in February and it's agreed once a month so if she has plans next week the week after then and it will be still once a month . Then make sure it's planned ahead for March . It's unreasonable to say I want you to babysit on the 22nd when she's made plans .

lovelove9 · 13/02/2020 21:32

I think let it slide this time and plan your dates in advance moving forward. See if you can get her doing closer to 20 hours a week childcare to keep things worthwhile for you having her there. Right now it seems like she's getting a bit of a free ride and you don't want resentments to build up.

Original poster
Janet2014 · 13/02/2020 21:36

How much childcare and housework does she do during the day/week?
She does about 3 hours of housework per week, included as part of the 20 hours. I have a cleaner who also does the ironing.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread