Not wanting to babysit

[Janet2014]

Hi, just wanted to find out if I was being unreasonable. Our au pair usually babysits twice a week (including once at the weekend). However, we agreed before she started that she would babysit on Saturdays once a month. She actually hasn't done any babysitting at all for the past month. Her parents came to see her last weekend and she was off from Friday evening until Monday late afternoon (when they returned home). Her friends are coming next weekend and I've asked her to babysit on Saturday evening and she's upset about it (she'll have Friday and Sunday evening free). As she rarely babysits am I being unreasonable to ask her to give up her Saturday evening this time round (it would be the second time this year)?

Yabu, you agreed once a month, she's been doing twice per week so you either need to up her pay or let her have the eqivalwnt number of months off...

Yabu, you agreed once a month, she's been doing twice per week so you either need to up her pay or let her have the eqivalwnt number of months off...

We agreed once a month babysitting on a Saturday as part of the twice a week babysitting arrangement, however she rarely does any babysitting even during the week so didn't think my request was unreasonable. I've now told her she can have that Saturday off as don't want a sulky teenager in the house, I'll make alternative arrangements.

You agreed once a month but you cannot expect her not to make any arrangements for a Saturday in case thats the Saturday you want her for.

You needed to give her more notice for the Saturday than just over a week. I suggest you sit down with your calendars and book ahead.
To clarify though, she does 12 hours childcare after school per week, 3 hours housework, and is also expected to do two evenings babysitting per week (one of which is a Saturday once a month)? So surely more than 20 hours a week unless the babysitting evenings are only 2.5 hours each?

'I usually give her a weeks notice...'
'She sprung it on me her friends were visiting...'
'I'll let her have Saturday off...'

Sounds like you are assuming her time that you had not actually agreed. Contracting her to one Saturday a month sounds like you are expecting which Saturday to be at your disposal. Hardly fair. Set some times / plans in plenty of time.

I had similar issues with au pairs - rarely got evening babysitting out of them in the 4 years we had them. I think I got 2 date nights with DH, and possibly 1 night of my own (he was away 15 nights, consecutive, out of every 28 at the time).

In my case, while I desperately wanted some free time, the most important thing was that au pair could do mornings and get primary aged DD up and out to school, and preferably collect her twice a week from after school club. I was usually there when DD woke, but had to leave to get to work over an hour before school gates opened (walking distance).

So I picked my battles - if AP was happy, met friends in her English classes, and settled so would stay the contract (or longer in a couple of cases), that was good. But I did have 2 that didn’t settle, 1 we were able to work around getting a replacement before she left, but 1 dropped on us, the night after her DSis had spent 4 nights in our house and the evening before DH went away again, that she wanted another family straight away. That was a Saturday night and she was gone the next Friday evening. (I managed to find a different solution that then worked for 2 more years, but no thanks to that AP and led to a very very stressful month for me).

So make sure AP knows what you expect, agree now what Saturday night and a few other babysitting times, you want for the next few weeks. But also keep her happy with her friends etc so that she will stay the contract.

I think YANBU, if she’s agreed to one Saturday a month then she needs to stick to it.

Can you agree a fixed day, like the first Sat Murray of each month? If she reneges again then I would be reminding her of her contract and saying it’s not working out as was agreed.

*Saturday

I think you need to organise the Saturdays in advance. You can expect her to work on a weeks notice for her plans

You wouldn’t expect your own teenager to give up their plans to babysit for you at a week’s notice so you shouldn’t expect the au pair to do it either

@BiddyPop I empathise with you, it's been hit and miss with this au pair, never truly satisfied with anything and there's only so much effort you can make. She cried for 2 weeks after returning from her Christmas holiday. When her parents came to visit recently they told her she was very lucky to be staying with our family and that she should tough it out till the summer . She used to do drop offs in the morning but wasn't getting out of the house on time and school is very strict with late arrivals. Pick ups work much better and she seems happier with this arrangement, also works for me. She's due to stay till July but I gave her the option of leaving at Easter if she doesn't feel settled as it impacts our family having someone being miserable all the time.

I'll fix the Saturday evening well in advance from now on, maybe second Saturday of each month. Thanks again everyone, always good to get another perspective on things..

You need to sort her responsibilities out in advance. You can't expect her to cancel plans with a few days notice.

When I worked as a nanny (daily) babysitting was part of my contract too so you’re well within your rights to ask. However, I would say a weekend needs advance notice that is reasonable.