First of all - I'm fairly sure this little arrangement won't last. DP and I are finding it quite amusing, but willing to let DSS (16) have a go at what he's suggesting.
Recently, DSS has been making comments about how DP gets loads of money for him (£300 a month from DSS's mum, as he lives with us plus £80 ish child benefit) and apparently DSS sees no benefit.
Actually, he already pretty much gets his child benefit, as he gets £20 a week pocket money. In return for this, DP needs to see a tidy room on a Saturday, with his clothes put away (that I've washed, dried and folded and left on his desk). Also, DSS is asked to do the washing up 3 evenings a week. That is all he has to do for his money, and all he's ever willing to do around the house - and even then it's only so he gets his pocket money.
He has declared that he should be getting his £80, the £300 from his mum, PLUS the pocket money he's getting now. We are apparently treating him like a slave, as he should be able to have his room messy if he wants it, and shouldn't have to wash our dishes, when he's only used a plate, a cup and some cutlery.
To that, DP responded that if that's his attitude, we shouldn't have to do his washing, or tidying, or cleaning, or make his butties for college, or make sure there's always food in the fridge for him and snacks in the cupboard .. and DSS said fine. If we give him the £380 a month, he will do everything himself, and be completely independent. Like we're flatmates.
DP was quite amused by this, but decided it might be interesting (and ultimately eye-opening for DSS) to just let him do this for a while.
So, from Monday (which is also the start of half term) he has to do everything himself, take care of his own money, and pay for everything himself.
DP has said he can have his £380, will not be getting extra pocket money as he's independent, and he has to give us £50 a month back for his share of the bills (not enough actually but DP wants to give him a fair chance). He is not charging him rent, but has pointed out that if he was truly independently living as a housemate unrelated to us, most of his remaining £330 would be spent on rent.
This will mean he has to pay for his own college transport (£25 a week) and either make or buy his college lunches. He will have to cover trips out with friends himself (so no Daaaad can I have £10 for the cinema?) and get himself there instead of asking for a lift. He will have to buy his own food (I have helpfully said if he gives me a list of what he wants I'll get it from the shops if he gives me the money), buy his own snacks that he races through whenever he's in the house, cook his own food, wash his own dishes, wash, dry, iron and fold his own clothes, make sure he has enough things like shower gel, shaving foam, shampoo etc ..
I asked him what he was planning on eating for food, as he can't cook and won't let me teach him. He said it's okay, he doesn't mind just eating things from the freezer (I always bulk cook and do extra portions that can just be microwaved - so he means these) to which DP replied nope, if he was someone's housemate, that would be their food, not his, and that he had to buy his food with his money, and then cook it himself.
He will have to buy his own clothes, pay for his own phone bill (currently £20 a month which comes out of partner's account), his PS4 subscription (not sure how much this is) and his WoW subscription which I think is £9.99 a month. He also likes going to watch rugby matches, and DP has a direct debit set up for his season ticket, which is £20 a month, but he's paying that still as that was sort of for a Christmas present.
Basically, what we're trying to get across to him in this (probably very short) experience of him being independent is that, actually, while £380 sounds a lot to get "for him" per month, it actually doesn't touch the sides when it comes to how much gets paid out for him overall.
He actually thinks we're spending as little on him as possible, and just keeping the money for ourselves, and thinks for some reason that the child support his mum sends should be like his spending money - whereas that's not really the point of it!
He currently gets everything he needs, plus pocket money, and extras to go to the cinema or go for meals with his friends. We've warned him that if he wants to go ahead and be independent, all of this will stop and everything will have to come out of his money.
The question is: AIBU (or rather is DP being unreasonable - he doesn't have an account here) for actually letting him give this a go? He's been warned that he can't do it half-arsed. He either lives with us and behaves like a son (and gets treated like he does now - cushy, IMO, in comparison to some kids), or like a housemate and like the above.
He has chosen the latter option, thinking he'll have loads and loads of cash for playstation games.
Obviously, he has the option of changing his mind and going straight back to normal at any stage of the thing. DP only wants to let him to do this to teach him the actual value of money and how little it can actually buy when you're paying for everything and have to think about bills!
Looking forward to some input, and maybe hearing from people who have done this in the past. Although this is very much just letting DSS experiment, and have a bit of freedom (that we assume he won't like as much as he thought he would), I will admit that it hurts sometimes getting accused of not giving him enough, or spending "his" money on us.
I have found being a stepparent difficult, and struggled to adapt to not just taking care of myself, particularly as he was already in his mid teens when I met his dad, and if anything have overcompensated - so I honestly think he gets more than he would if he was my son!!
TIA.