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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not tell my employer?

54 replies

Candycrush426 · 13/02/2020 08:34

Hi all.

My husband and I are struggling to conceive. We have been ttc for over a year now. We have our first fertility clinic appointment next week. I have pcos - a period 2/3 times a year at most. Aibu to not tell my employer that I’m am TTC. I am looking to work my way up at work, I don’t want to tell them in case this stops them wanting me to progress. If I knew 100% I could fall pregnant then I wouldn’t pursue working my way up, but as there is a possibly I couldn’t fall pregnant for a number of years would I be unreasonable to not say anything?

OP posts:
herbie01 · 13/02/2020 08:38

Not unreasonable at all to not tell them TTC atm, but as new career opportunities are offered you will need to re-evaluate and re-assess depending on your fertility journey.

LIZS · 13/02/2020 08:40

It is none of their business. Why would you say anything unless the treatment made you unwell or need to take time off. Even then there is no need to be specific.

OscarWildesCat · 13/02/2020 08:40

Of course you don't have to tell them, none of their business. I was in the same position as you, first day in my promoted post was also my 1st fertility clinic appt, I was pregnant 6 weeks into my new job (same company). Good luck OP.

dairyfairies · 13/02/2020 08:41

what??? seriously, why would you tell your employer at all that you are TTC? I never heard of such a thing. Why would you even consider doing this?Shock

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 13/02/2020 08:43

I can't think of anyone I know who has told their employer hey are ttc.

sittingonacornflake · 13/02/2020 08:45

It would be weird to tell them!

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/02/2020 08:47

It would be weird to tell them that you were TTC.

"Hi guys, just wanted to let you know my husband and I are having regular sex."

It's none of their business.

Comtesse · 13/02/2020 08:50

Why would you tell them?? If you need time off for medical appointment then tell then is gynaecological (which is true) and no one will ask for more details!

Cornettoninja · 13/02/2020 08:53

Absolutely no reason to tell them that. Like you say, you’ve no idea where you’ll be in a years time there’s no point risking putting yourself at a disadvantage.

If you have to discuss reasons for time off, treatment etc. Just keep it to vague gynaecological/hormonal investigations/treatment.

Good luck Flowers

Monkeybunkey · 13/02/2020 08:58

Do they offer paid time off for fertility treatment? If so, and you want to take advantage of that, you'll need to tell them.

Damntheman · 13/02/2020 08:59

You absolutely do not have to tell them! They can't discriminate against you for being a woman with a reproductive system. You aim for the career stars lady and best of luck with the TTC.

Isleepinahedgefund · 13/02/2020 08:59

I've no idea why you WOULD tell them?

GCAcademic · 13/02/2020 08:59

Why on earth would you tell them?

KirstyJC · 13/02/2020 09:00

No way I would tell them. Or anyone, actually. No-ones business apart from yours.

missjaysays · 13/02/2020 09:01

Why on earth would you tell them? That's weird!

amazedmummy · 13/02/2020 09:01

Definitely don't tell them unless you need time off sick for something. We didn't tell anyone we were TTC.

CornishMaid1 · 13/02/2020 09:04

Some workplaces do have a fertility treatment policy and if yours has one and you want to be covered then you may need to tell.

Otherwise there is no reason to tell. I went through 2 cycles of IVF and the first my boss knew was when I announced my pregnancy. As my clinic was so far away I just had annual leave for the appointments I needed and my scans were doctor's appointments.

If you don't want to tell then don't and this comes from someone who was ttc for over 5 1/2 years.

BeardieWeirdie · 13/02/2020 09:04

I’m shocked 6% think you should tell them you’re TTC!

BritInUS1 · 13/02/2020 09:06

I wouldn't expect any of my staff to tell me

Boom45 · 13/02/2020 09:08

Does anyone tell their employer they're TTC? Unless you need time off for treatment then it's none of their business, and even then you don't have to disclose why you're booking time off.
I don't even really understand why you wouldn't pursue your career if you knew you'd conceive - my career slowed when I had small children at home because I was too tired to apply for jobs but pregnancy or impending pregnancy didn't stop me applying for promotions - why should it?

8by8 · 13/02/2020 09:10

You don’t need to tell them at all.

If you need time off for medical appointments, be vague about what it’s for and if pressed mention something about “women’s health issues” - that usually makes people back off.

Nobody I know told their workplace when they were TTC.

BrimfulofSasha · 13/02/2020 09:13

Does your partner feel the need to tell his employer you are TTC? if no then think why. with shared parental leave there is no reason why you becoming a parent will have any less effect on your job as it does on his - in theory, we all know most workplaces are full of sexist bollocks that penalise women for being parents and congratulate men.

But really, they don't need to know at all.

Original poster
Candycrush426 · 13/02/2020 09:15

Thank you everyone I think what I meant is if I did need time off for appointments or scans etc do I need to explain why, not necessarily that I’m trying to conceive lol! Thank you. At the moment I’ve just said women problems and that I will stick to that x

OP posts:
SirGawain · 13/02/2020 09:15

No ones business but yours. I don’t see why you would see the need to tell anyone.

Palegreenstars · 13/02/2020 09:15

The way you’ve worded this makes it sound like you think it would be wrong to pursue career opportunities if you might get pregnant in the future - particularly if that comes sooner for you. Any employer that thinks you are somehow deceiving them by doing this is completely unethical. Promotions should be made on ability not fertility. Is your partner thinking the same thing about his career opportunities? Would his employer be cross if they gave him a promotion and then found out he was having a baby?

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