Social worker out of order?

[Idontknowwhat2do]

A while ago I made a post about how I'd been experiencing psychosis and was struggling to cope with my 2 year old DD. After the post I spoke to the HV and she made a referal to SS for a bit of extra support. My situation hasn't improved since then and I've been suicidal but I've been working with the mental health team to help with that. A while ago I had bought something to hurt myself but worked with the team to dispose of it. But since the SW has been involved things have been very overwhelming and I don't know if I'm being unreasonable and this is normal SS behaviour or if I have a right to be fuming.

At first it started off with the social worker being half an hour late to our appointments every time, being very harsh about my suicidal thoughts and hallucinations, and calling me 7 times in the space of an hour. If I was in appointments, she got annoyed that I didn't answer, saying I needed to cooperate. So I already felt uncomfortable. My family said I should complain but I didn't want to make a fuss.

But today takes the cake. Yesterday my DM recieved 6 missed calls from SS while she was at work. She called back but the SW had gone home and they wouldn't tell her anything. Then today the SW calls her and tells her about the suicidal thoughts and that I'd bought something to hurt myself. My mum didn't know about it. She also tells her they're seeking to put me and my daughter under child protection. But they haven't even told me that yet! The SW clearly had enough time to call my DM 6 times yesterday but couldn't even drop me a text?! And I have no idea why they're disclosing personal information to my DM without talking to me first. I'm an adult, I don't live with her and she has no input in my daughters care. She doesn't even look after her!

Is this normal, am I just being unreasonable or do I have a good reason to be so angry?

Were they trying to ascertain if your mother could take temporary guardianship of your child while you get help? Being late is unfortunate but it's the kind of job where situations and aloneness rarely go to plan, they shouldn't have disclosed to your mother without a justification and ideally your consent (although concerns regarding your child's safety and safeguarding trump that)

Yes, I suspect she was trying to find out if your mother could provide respite care for your DD.

On the up side OP, if they put you on a CP plan you’ll probably get a different SW. I think the assessment teams are seperate from the CP teams, although that might depend on the area you’re in.

I would feel uncomfortable too in your position.

I would write down what happened with as much facts/details possible in an email/ letter and state politely but clearly that you feel this SW has crossed more then a few professional boundaries and that you no longer wish to be ‘supported’ by her but would prefer to see someone else from now on.

This is the biggest issue with social services they aren't all nice and easy to work with it sounds like there trying to get your mother to have your daughter id personally see a solicitor about it child protection is also serious and is one step away from removal

I've taken my family's 5 children due to reasons and even they was hard to please after

Go to your MP?

What’s the reason you haven’t asked your mother for help? Either with you or your DD?
Would she be next of kin if anything tragic happened?

I really recommend you get a lawyer.

I had pnd and went through a similar scenario. Calling several times then claiming that I was uncooperative. I had gone to them for help.my sw was against me from the day dot. They escalated and went to court. I got a lawyer and I am glad I did. They went for removal and child protection. My lawyer stopped it all and saved my baby. Brilliant woman.

I'm not trying to scare you and I am sorry. It's a horrible situation. Full disclosure to your mum will help you. Stay strong.

The social work doesn't sound particularly helpful, she is a bit full on but as we all know, social workers are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Social workers are not psychiatrists, they may have some knowledge of psychology but their area of expertise is primarily concerned with protecting the vulnerable.

From what you have said, you are working well with the mental health team and I hope you have a contact number to get in touch with them at any time.

Do you live alone with your baby, op? You don't mention a partner. Is there any way someone could live with you for a while or you stay with your mother until the psychosis passes? At least then you would not be alone in a house/flat at night, there would be someone on hand to talk to if you feel afraid.

I don't know what else to say but you do have my sympathy and I hope it won't be too long before you recover.

Oh come on. They know their rules and limits. If they’ve broken confidentiality the likelihood is they have a bloody good reason.

Horses and zebras.

Wtaf do immigrants have to do with the OP?

for you OP. I can't advise I'm afraid but hold on - you'll be ok

Is your mum your next of kin? if she is then that could be why she spoke to your mum. why does she have your mums phone number?

I had dealing with ss before but my experiences have been positive.

My sister, on the other hand, had a terrible time with ss because she was not willing to work with them, she thought she knew better and her ds ended up being adopted when he was 2.

The best advice anyone can give is work with the ss and do has they ask it makes things easiar in the long run.

@FallenAngel01

Do you know how many “immigrant children” (sic) arrive in the U.K. on a daily basis?

@Idontknowwhat2do I'm really sorry things have been so tough for you.

Can i ask what is happening to help you with your mental health issues? Please get whatever help you can so you can get better and move on.

I'm not an expert at all and it does sound like your social worker is quite 'zealous' but I also think that there are serious issues which you need to work on. I'd probably keep a record of things that have happened but i am not sure if complaining at this stage would be helpful. Can your mum help you or is she someone who is not helpful to you?

i think social workers being late is probably just par for the course. Could be her previous appointment over running, traffic, other issues. Did her lateness cause you serious issues with other things like appointments? If not, I'd not complain about this. Another day it may be you running late for a meeting and then it's helpful to remember it does happen to us all.

In a way of course they should not tell your mum or anyone else personal details but if your mum is on their records as next of kin for you and/or your dd (after you) then maybe that was why. If you are talking about suicide and putting anything in place it is serious enough for 'normal' confines of who can whom what to go, to some degree.

you do not mention doctors appointments or medication etc, is your GP involved. My child is on anti depression medication and it is a long slog but I can see her getting better.

Please use your energy to get better, to take whatever help is offered etc and to make your future for yourself and your dd bright. When this is all behind you, then you can relax and forget this awful time. You can do this, you can get better for yourself and your dd.

I'm a social worker. Your last point is a data protection breach and can be reported to the ICO.

I’m with @conduitoffortune. Social worker here too. They should have your permission to talk to your mum. The only reason I would breach that is if I couldn’t get hold of you, had reasonably tried by a few different means and thought you were “a danger to yourself or others”. If you said you were suicidal and had a means to harm yourself then if I couldn’t get you after a reasonable amount of time I would contact next if kin and I’d defend that decision to anyone. But I might be on high alert as recently a mum of a foster child I work with committed suicide.

OP, sorry I can’t offer any real advice to your question. However, I just wanted to say well done to you for reaching out and asking for help. Perhaps even a chat with your GP, if you feel confident enough with them, could offer some advice on alternative help for you if you don’t feel comfortable with this particular social worker. I found CBT with a psychologist quite helpful for myself, however it’s not a cure (imo) but it’s helpful to just talk things through with someone that can bounce some helpful advice back to you! I hope you get the right help and support you deserve soon. You’re doing great just even by being here, even if sometimes you don’t think it. xx

Thank you for the responses. I am on medication but it isnt working. I'm waiting for a review but I don't know when that will be. They didn't mention anything about giving my mum guardianship but that is my fear, and if she can't does that mean that they'll go for court proceedings? My mum has enough going on in her own life and I don't want to be a burden. Im still feeling very angry as they still haven't called to tell me about the Child Protection conference. I'm going to try and speak to CAB about the confidentiality break because I'm really not happy. I don't know if my mums my next of kin or not but surely they have to tell you before they say anything to anyone?

Have you called them? In my area we have family front door where we can ring childrens services direct and it will be logged that you called in

It's hard to say that your not cooperating when your chasing them for information

I called them yesterday but they wouldn't tell me anything and the social worker wasn't there.

Ring again and ask to report the breach of your information and request an email address to start a paper trail. Also make a complaint here ico.org.uk/make-a-complaint/your-personal-information-concerns/

Put something in writing to defend the times you have missed calls due to other commitments. And question why they felt the need to involve your mother without exploring all available options to communicate with you directly.

Sorry you're going through this, you requested they help but from some of the horror stories you hear you're going to need to take a defensive stance while also trying to work with them and appear cooperative.

The thing you need to keep at the back of your mind is that this is not YOUR sw. The social worker has a duty of care to your child and is ensuring their safety only. Anything that can be deemed a threat to this just sends sw into protective mode.
Likewise the H/V isn't yours either, their job is to signpost any risks to the relevant team.
For you to get support with your mental health, stick with speaking to YOUR mental health team and GP surgery. They are there for you, they are the organisation that have your best interest at heart when it comes to your health.
If your mh team or GP forward the details out to social services etc, they tend to inform you first to ensure it doesn't worsen your health.
Yes, the SW was breaching your confidencial information and you should report this.

child protection is also serious and is one step away from removal

Child protection is serious but there’s a lot of steps between a CP investigation and removal of a child unless there’s an immediate risk to the child, in which case they’d already be removed.

OP you’ve says you have psychosis, and have had suicidal ideation strong enough to access means to end your life and you’ve said things aren’t getting better. As a SW if I couldn’t get hold of you I’d be deeply worried, especially given you’re caring for your 2 year old.

I don't know if my mums my next of kin or not but surely they have to tell you before they say anything to anyone?

Depending on the nature of the concern, they really don’t. If she has concerns that you might hurt yourself or your children it’s reasonable that she speak to family members to establish whether they might care for your daughter which would be better for her than going into care. It would be good practice to speak to you first but if she has a legitimate concern she can breach your condition safeguard your child.

Sorry breach your confidentiality to safeguard your child.