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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make this suggestion to my child's teacher....

75 replies

flowerpower18 · 12/02/2020 13:42

or am I literally being an over the top parent.

I have a DS who is 9 and amongst all the other things you worry about as a parent, one of my biggest fears is losing him whilst we are out and about. We've drummed it into him the importance of sticking by our side when we're out incase of him getting lost that he literally holds my hand the whole time we are out especially in busy places (which is a great thing, he's always done this).

Anyway, what we do is put a note in his pocket with our telephone numbers on incase this was to happen and he's going on a school trip at the end of the month with all of his year which is around 64 children plus another school year of around the same amount of children and of course I know there will be teachers with them and I will be adding the schools number to my DS's note incase he was to get lost from his group.

I was going to suggest this to the teacher that they do this for all the children that are going but not sure if I'm being an overprotective/weird/smothering mother. I suspect they will be wearing some kind of hi-vis vest so they can be identified and it shows they are part of a school trip.

Am I just being stupid!

OP posts:
SouthWestmom · 12/02/2020 13:44

Are you joking? I'm not sure if this is a 'funny' thread?

WhatHaveIFound · 12/02/2020 13:45

At my DC's primary school the kids all wore wristbands with the school's telephone number on. At high school they're given a slip of paper with emergency contacts on (usually mobile number of accompanying teacher) in case they're separated from the group.

I'm guessing most schools adopt something like this aleready so you might come across as overprotective.

formerbabe · 12/02/2020 13:46

My dh got our dc bracelets made with our phone numbers on them...this was especially important for our dc2 because they have a severe speech disorder so would struggle to ask for help if lost.

I wouldn't worry about the school trip though. I presume children will be grouped with an adult in charge of a certain number of them.

Elouera · 12/02/2020 13:46

So your 9yr old son is happy about holding mummys hand in public!?! Confused

JudgeRindersMinder · 12/02/2020 13:47

There will be some daft parents who would put the child’s own mobile number in the pocket so definitely not a good idea en masse

Motacilla · 12/02/2020 13:49

The school will have their own process. By all means do as you are doing with your son (I used to do the same in my children's shoes when they were on trips) but let the school and other parents decide for themselves what to do.

You could, if it would put you mind at rest, ask the school what their procedures are to keep the children safe and I am sure they will be happy to tell you what they do.

SoupDragon · 12/02/2020 13:49

On big trips, my DC have always been given a card by the school that says they are with X school at X hotel and these are the phone numbers. (State primary and private secondary)

Even when DSs went to New York in the lower 6th 😂😂

Moltenpink · 12/02/2020 13:50

You’d be better off running through with your ds what to do if he gets separated.

neversleepagain · 12/02/2020 13:50

I have given my DC a piece of paper with my number on when we would go into London but they were between ages 2-6
I wouldn't now, they know my number and their address and how to ask for help Confused

Sirzy · 12/02/2020 13:51

The school will have fully risk assessed the trip and have plans in place.

I think more importantly is you looking at your own anxieties around this and ensuring that your concerns don’t prevent your son from developing his own independence

EmeraldShamrock · 12/02/2020 13:51

You could suggest it though I think lots of parents do similar, I have my number inside DD's bag and jacket mainly because she always loses them. I think you are over worrying, it will cause great anxiety in DS at 9, they need a little independence even if he walks in front of you. GPS microchipping is not far away Grin

SoupDragon · 12/02/2020 13:51

Surely at 9 they'll be in small groups with a teacher/TA/parent helper anyway?

Original poster
flowerpower18 · 12/02/2020 13:51

Ah OK, he's never been on a school trip like this before so I wasn't sure of the process but maybe they'll have wristbands too.

I won't suggest then - thanks everyone.

And yes he'd rather hold my hand than not - I don't force him to and I'm certainly not going to tell him he can't just because he's 9 years old.

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 12/02/2020 13:51

I think you are OTT. Is there a particular reason you think your 9yo will get lost in public with you? Unless you have a child with SN or a toddler/young child who just doesn’t listen, why would you think a child will get lost in a public space?

Have you freaked your DS out a bit about all this? My 8yo wouldn’t be caught dead holding my hand in public - nothing wrong with walking hand in hand with your DS if he actually enjoys it, but not if you have really stressed him about getting lost.

I wouldn’t say a word to the teacher. I am sure they have procedures in place for taking large numbers of children out.

Excited101 · 12/02/2020 13:52

Oh please stop holding your 9 year olds hand everywhere you go, poor kid.

JasminaPashmina · 12/02/2020 13:52

I think it's a bit OTT to do this for your own child (they're nine, not a toddler).

But it's absolutely insane to suggest this for a whole class of nine year olds. The teacher will most definitely think you are absolutely loopy and over-protective if you suggest this to them. Please don't.

JustKeepOnChangingUsernames · 12/02/2020 13:53

Yanbu. The school will have their own process.

Doesn’t your DS know your phone numbers off by heard? Assuming he is conscious, then he will always be able to provide them verbally and it’s far more likely they will be given when needed than relying on someone to look in a child’s pocket.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/02/2020 13:54

9 is quite old ridiculously old to still need to be told to stick to your side tbh. That's more 2 or 3 years old territory. I think you would be far better off letting your child have some independence, so that should anything go wrong on the trip, he's better equipped to handle it. All 9 year olds I know walk to school by themselves for example.

Original poster
flowerpower18 · 12/02/2020 13:54

Yeah he knows our address and knows what to do if it was ever to happen - I do over-worry about this.

Thanks everyone :-)

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 12/02/2020 13:54

Your job as a parent is to equip your child for life, not protect him from it. You need to allow him freedom and guide him or he is going to hit teenage years and be unable to cope when something happens.

The school will have their own procedures, so I dont think you need to worry about that. You do need to work on your own anxieties and help your son prepare for life though.

Ellisandra · 12/02/2020 13:55

My 11yo happily holds my hand so I don’t think there’s an issue that a 9yo holds yours. But - you say he literally doesn’t let go, because it’s been drummed into him. Sounds like you are in danger of passing anxieties over to him. Better for him to feel confident that he can stick with you - or cope if separated - and not feel he has to hold your hand the whole time.

If my child got separated on a school trip, she wouldn’t have my number but it would take about an extra 2 minutes (during which time I would not know she was lost, and she’d be happy as she was being helped) for her to say, “I’m at St Anthony’s, London”, and for the person helping to call the school. So I don’t think having my number on a school trip is needed.

Talk to the school and let them reassure you of their procedure.

ballsdeep · 12/02/2020 13:55

You are being silly. There's no need to drum into them what to do if lost. obviously talk to them but it seems as though you've made him very anxious. My 8 yo would die if I held his hand in public 😬 I think I embarrass him too much 😁 you need to trust the school or don't send him.

PhantomErik · 12/02/2020 13:56

Elouera my 9 year old ds comes out of school & gives me a big cuddle. He'll also hold my hand voluntarily when he wants to.

Saying that my dd is 11 & she often holds my hand!

GFJoe · 12/02/2020 13:57

Crikey. Better to teach your child what to do in an emergency. It's not good to instill that level of fear in him.

Nowayorhighway · 12/02/2020 13:59

Do you have anxiety OP? My DS is 9 and he really doesn’t want to hold my hand anymore, he hasn’t for some time. You sound over protective. A 9 year old should understand not to run away, they know that from like 4 onwards.

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