Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shop my bro in law for fraud

79 replies

AtAt123 · 11/02/2020 20:22

Hey all. Long time user, new name.

My sisters (ds1and ds2) and I come from a very troubled family. We recently got over our differences after going no contact with our parents. We had a family event last week and had a great time in each other’s company. We then got together again at the weekend for my child’s special event and again had a great time. Today ds1 realises that her credit card has vanished at event 1 and has been used 5 times since. BeforeAnd after event 2 for non essentials. Me being me and being like a dog with a bone went to three of the places locally that her card had been used at. Turns out that ds2s partner has taken her credit card and used it in a very local shop next to their home, ordered take away to be delivered to their home and also bought home goods . I have proof from one shop that he was on cctv. Another confirmed delivery to their address.

Ds2s partner was raised in care and they have 2 babies. Ds2 works very hard and is talking about them getting engaged. He works but is a bit of a part time cocklodger. We know 100% it was him.

I reckon she should report to police and let him face the full consequences regardless of his previous spell in young offenders. She is undecided. We are both worried about the fallout as we love our sister and her kids.

Aibu in thinking that once he has stolen from her house and committed fraud, we can never come back and he should face the law?

OP posts:
redshifter · 12/02/2020 05:13

Similar happened to me. Niece and nephew had an online clothes shopping spree with my debit card. Spent over £500. That was all I had in my account at the time otherwise it would have been more.
They even posted pictures on Facebook with all their new clothes and trainers. The exact same items that had been bought with my card. In one picture you could clearly see my card on the mantelpiece.

The police refused to do anything. They said it was "a domestic".

MintySpud · 12/02/2020 05:24

I do not think the police, despite their having investigative powers and access to data that you do not, could have uncovered more. Wow! you should have have your own TV show, OP.

PhilCornwall1 · 12/02/2020 05:28

I’m a bit surprised that all three shops gave you any information at all. It wasn’t even your card. Contact the police in any event.

I'm very surprised the shops showed you the CCTV footage. If they have, the most certainly shouldn't have.

MNersAreBatshit · 12/02/2020 05:53

You clearly have little respect for your sister if you think for a moment she would support her partner in this. And if she's the sort of person who would, would it really be much of a loss to lose her over it?

As for those banging on about privacy breaches, maybe take a deep breath and dislodge the massive stick up your arse.

KC225 · 12/02/2020 06:05

I would be shouting it loud and clear to the rest of the family and banning him from my house. Your sister has enough on her plate without a low life like this in her life. She will thank you in the long run, it will only get worse if he stays in it.

Toomanygerbils · 12/02/2020 06:05

Op yes he is in the wrong but ultimately you have no right to report to the police. You aren’t the cardholder (victim) and therefore anything you say won’t be treated seriously. If your sister the cardholder chooses to report then that’s different as a crime has been committed against her. So it’s all up to her really. You can only support her.

Andrews21 · 12/02/2020 06:21

I'm confused. You say you don't need a PIN number to order online.
But then say he was in local shops and on cctv...
So which was it? Online or in shop?
Either way you should report to the police, let them know your suspicions and let them deal with it

NoFucksImAQueen · 12/02/2020 06:30

Andrews, contactless.

Clutterbugsmum · 12/02/2020 06:39

If it's a newer card and the purchases were under £30 then you would't need a pin, you just swipe it.

StiffUpperQuip · 12/02/2020 06:58

Rules aside, I think a lot of small local shops would probably help out on the sly.

I cannot believe all these posters saying don't report, just have a word or you'll irreparably damage your relationships. No. YOU wouldn't. Dsis2's partner has already done that. 100%.
You absolutely cannot let him get away with it. It will escalate. What type of future relationship will you foresee having if dsis2 stays with him and the family need to hide their handbags before any family gatherings? Because I do know a family who has to.

A Feckless DD with an even worse boyfriend and her DM and sisters really do pack away their valuables when they come round to visit (rare as it may be) and they all keep their handbags with them at granny's house at Christmas etc when they can't avoid being in the same house.

Your DSis needs to know what he's done. Even if you don't tell her you know it was him and let the police bring it all out into the open. I can almost guarantee that it will get worse and if it's not your family being ripped off, he'll put your DSis into debt by getting credit in her name etc.

kateandme · 12/02/2020 07:07

i know it sounds random but were these shops local to them.if so are you 100% sure it was a really big coincidence and he didnt order a takeaway and shop in the same store.and the person who stole the cards when you were there is also local and just happens to be using it in the same place.
i know that sounds too similar but im just thinking of making absoletely sure before you go forward.
or go to the police and let them do it.tell them where it was spent and that it went to ur ds adress etc.

AlternativePerspective · 12/02/2020 07:08

I can’t believe there are people who are saying the OP shouldn’t report because of the impact on her relationship with her sister etc.

The sister is with a man who has stolen a credit card, she has partaken of the goods and services purchased with that credit card i.e. takeaway.

If she continues to have a relationship with this man anyway is that really the kind of person the OP wants in her life?

What about Verification purposes at the online checkout? Your Sisters card would have to be linked to her phone and the verification code sent via text. Are you sure she did not consent to this? that would depend. If it’s an online site that the sister has previously bought from then there would be no need for verification. Most sites only request verification the first time you use them.

As for the shops, they would be able to confirm if items were purchased there esp if they’d been bought by people actually coming into the shop. Perhaps they shouldn’t confirm re cctv footage but really compared to the actual crime is that really such a big deal?

But if the OP were concerned about them getting into trouble all she needs to do is to say that the cards were used in these shops (and the bank statement proves that) and that as far as she’s aware they do have cctv.

TidyDancer · 12/02/2020 07:11

You absolutely have to report this. This is all on the cock who stole the card, not the rest of you.

AlternativePerspective · 12/02/2020 07:12

@ Andrews21 OP said there were three purchases made on the card. Two in local shops and one online.

PaddingtonBearHardStare · 12/02/2020 07:18

A friend of mine had a card stolen by a client at work. He was the only person she'd seen that day and had to step out of her office. She found out where it had been used and just by chance had a relative working there. They checked it was him on CCTV, reported him to the police including giving all his contact details and they said "we will investigate if we get time". There was literally nothing to investigate as she'd provided all the details. Nothing ever happened as far as I know. I was thoroughly disgusted on her behalf Angry

bigvig · 12/02/2020 07:30

Can't you tell your sister so she knows who she is marrying? You could say you want to tell the police and she'll probably beg you not to. You agree and therefore you are the good guy not the person who sent her partner to prison. You perhaps have more chance that way of getting her to dump him. If you say nothing how could you endure family events with him?

TalaxuArmiuna · 12/02/2020 07:32

either your DSis1 has to disclaim these transactions and have them refunded by the credit card company and then fully cooperate with the credit card company in tracing the thief, who you know to be DSis2's boyfriend, and so this information must be disclosed to the police.

Or if not, then DSis1 has to tell the credit card company to charge these amounts to her account and not refund them.

disclaiming a transaction for a refund when you know who did it and not sharing that information is fraud, that DSis1 would be guilty of.

I would recommend the first option, as otherwise she would also be complicit in this man's deception of DSis2, if you can assume she wouldn't knowingly marry a thief.

StiffUpperQuip · 12/02/2020 07:33

@PaddingtonBearHardStare that's so infuriating but all too common. I know of loads of instances where a victim has cctv of a crime and the police don't even want to see it. There doesn't seem to be any rush into investigating crimes any more. Things like cars being damaged or bags stolen and what would take 5 minutes of the police requesting cctv footage to see who did it and they don't bother even asking. Or if they do it's weeks later and the footage is long gone.
If a member of the public does the work for them then surely an arrest is good for the numbers and makes their job easier. Often it's the insurance companies or credit card companies who push for investigations and get results. For OP's DSis1 it's worth reporting to the police AND pushing the CC company to look into it as much as possible.

crispysausagerolls · 12/02/2020 07:34

What do you mean you opened your phone on a photo of 4 different men? As if to give him options in a virtual line up?

SoloMummy · 12/02/2020 07:46

I would at least alert your sister first.

But reality is that most people would not know who had taken and used their card, you'd never be told, it would just be pursuer.

So report. And then support your sister.

I would say if you don't prewarn her, you can never confess you knew beforehand. And if she never tells you this is a huge elephant in the room.

Original poster
AtAt123 · 12/02/2020 09:46

For all the gdpr nuts..... il say it again.

I NEVER SAW CCTV. I asked one small shop to check theirs after I gave transaction details. Then after he reviewed it, when he asked if I knew the guy, I showed him 4 photos. A virtual line up of sorts. He was picked out of 4 men.

The shop is on their door step and one nobody else in the family has reason to visit. They have cct and I have requested it officially.

The third transaction I called up and said “ did you deliver to my address on xx night” (ds2afdress) and he remembered the man placing the order as e first was to be paid in cash but then he cancelled it and requested to order online and pay by card.

I am not reporting this, I have no right too. But I am encouraging my sister to.

This really is all in the OP . Thanks to those that can read and process info

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 12/02/2020 10:18

Why don't you have a right to report it? You have been made aware of a crime, you are completely within your rights to report it.

AngelsSins · 12/02/2020 12:28

I’d 100% tell her, if she’s cockblind enough to take his side over something like this, then it will inevitably happen sooner or later anyway.

UYScuti · 12/02/2020 12:36

Cockblind
🤣😂😅
Does this man have an enormous cock so glossy and shiny that others are dazzled by the reflected light?
💫🍆💫

MintySpud · 12/02/2020 14:38

Cockblind is the new fannystruck. Love it.