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AIBU?

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Original poster

To shop my bro in law for fraud

79 replies

AtAt123 · 11/02/2020 20:22

Hey all. Long time user, new name.

My sisters (ds1and ds2) and I come from a very troubled family. We recently got over our differences after going no contact with our parents. We had a family event last week and had a great time in each other’s company. We then got together again at the weekend for my child’s special event and again had a great time. Today ds1 realises that her credit card has vanished at event 1 and has been used 5 times since. BeforeAnd after event 2 for non essentials. Me being me and being like a dog with a bone went to three of the places locally that her card had been used at. Turns out that ds2s partner has taken her credit card and used it in a very local shop next to their home, ordered take away to be delivered to their home and also bought home goods . I have proof from one shop that he was on cctv. Another confirmed delivery to their address.

Ds2s partner was raised in care and they have 2 babies. Ds2 works very hard and is talking about them getting engaged. He works but is a bit of a part time cocklodger. We know 100% it was him.

I reckon she should report to police and let him face the full consequences regardless of his previous spell in young offenders. She is undecided. We are both worried about the fallout as we love our sister and her kids.

Aibu in thinking that once he has stolen from her house and committed fraud, we can never come back and he should face the law?

OP posts:
cabbageking · 11/02/2020 21:43

The Bank will investigate but if they are having items delivered to their home she must have known about it.

Unless she confirms she didn't give him permission to use it there is nothing you can do.

Campurp · 11/02/2020 21:47

This is the type of man that will take out finance in your sisters name if she isn’t careful. Get her over and show her the evidence. She might get angry and deny it, but in her heart she’ll know that the evidence is real.

Hopefully she has the sense to ditch him, but be warned that she might not talk to you for a while.

GabsAlot · 11/02/2020 21:58

how did he get the pin for the goods to be delivered-surely she must know whats going on

Bunnyfuller · 11/02/2020 22:00

How on earth did you manage to get this amount of detail from the shopkeepers? You don’t have any authority to do this, you could have been anyone.

Report it to the police. He’s committed a crime.

Original poster
AtAt123 · 11/02/2020 22:04

I know a lot of people are saying that these companies have broken the law but to clarify..... ONE local company that is part of a chain confirmed that luckily they did have cctv but would not let me see it. They asked about times, card numbers etc and then they looked to see if they have the cctv ( luckily they did) as they delete it every 3-4 days. The guy went into the back, came out and asked me if I knew the guy that has made the purchase. I opened my photos and had screen shot a mix of fb pics of 4 men I knew. He pointed and said “ that’s him, but it didn’t come from me. Report this and I’ve saved the footage for the police”. The second is a local home delivery company and they remembered the order the second I called, I just said that I thought my OH may have ordered as I want home. Again, they confirmed it was a man that has ordered, as the order was accidentally placed for cash and then cancelled and paid for by card online and delivered to my sisters address. The third is Ann international company and I have emailed the uk head office as told by the shop to secure the footage. Nobody has done anything wrong.

Apart from the man that stole my sisters credit card and used it within 40 minutes of leaving her house after a visit. And then again a few days later after he has been in my home playing happy families.

I am gently pushing ds1 to report. She knows it’s for the best but it’sa big step with big repercussions. Ds2 relies on him for child care a lot since we fell out with our parents. We can step up but it’s limited.... ds1 has kids with additional needs and I am disabled with kids with additional needs too. Plus it’s literally days since ds2 was delighted that her and her OH we’re talking engagement rings ..... gutted we should be glad he didn’t charge it to ds1!

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 11/02/2020 22:05

how did he get the pin for the goods to be delivered

You don’t need the pin to order online.

CrocodilesCry · 11/02/2020 22:05

Also your DSis will be committing an offence if the money is claimed back and she doesn't disclose that she knows who made the purchases.

Your sister needs to report it to the bank and the police.

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2020 22:06

I also don't get how the shopkeeper and particularly the takeaway delivery were so eager to break data protection laws Confused

Original poster
AtAt123 · 11/02/2020 22:09

Gabs, you don’t need a pin online for gods sake. It’s an online transaction. You need the king number, expiry and three digits of the back. Only if visa asks you to verify do you need the card holders address and that is sketchy at best.

Bunnyfuller, there is no law against going into a shop and asking questions. It’s more than the credit card people would ask the police to do! In the past I was defrauded by hundreds and no real investigation was even involved never mind solved! We would actually be presenting the police with a case that ( once they legally obtain the cctv footage) is already solved

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 11/02/2020 22:10

I'm about to do this to my sil. She's run up a phone bill in my name for a grand and won't pay it. I took the phone out for her, I paid the bills for 2 years and she would send me the money (most of the time) until the 24 months was up, but by then she had got a job working with the phone company and recruited her colleague to change all the details in the account one at a time and renew the phone contract for her. The phone company agree its fraud but because I know the person, will do nothing. My only option is to call the police now.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 11/02/2020 22:24

OP, are you the poster that wrote a while back about sister A and sister B and your parent's ridiculous friendship with a man that had been in prison for sexual assault? You thought your niece or nephew was at risk because your parents allowed this man around? If so, I'm so glad you are all speaking again. Please do report your sister's boyfriend but tread carefully - your sister may not be over the moon and I assume you want to maintain your closeness.

Pinkyyy · 11/02/2020 22:46

You would be doing your sister a greasy disservice if you allow her to unknowingly progress in her relationship with this man. She may rely on him for childcare, but what about when he starts stealing from her too? If he hasn't already. She needs to know what he has done, if she has any sense she will thank you.

GabsAlot · 11/02/2020 23:34

no youre right and ive misread it anyway but just phone the police they have broken the law giving you address and looking at cctv without an offical with you

Purpleartichoke · 12/02/2020 00:56

He stole from family, he will do something to your sister next. Report him.

Sillyscrabblegames · 12/02/2020 01:21

This guy is only going to do more of this and worse. This is your chance to give you sister the choice to save herself and the children from him - if that is the choice she makes.
Be prepared that she may choose him over you.
If you let this slide then you will be partly responsible for any future drama he brings on your sister.
Report it.

safariboot · 12/02/2020 01:32

Will the police even listen to a report of theft that's NOT from the person who was stolen from?

Your sister is the one to make the police report. All you can do is know that your other sister is in a relationship with a known thief, and act accordingly.

impressivename · 12/02/2020 01:32

what scummy behaviour. definitely call the police. nasty rat. Let him get nicked.

SnowyRacoon · 12/02/2020 01:52

Report to the Police, you have the evidence. This is all his doing so don't worry about upsetting anyone.

SnowyRacoon · 12/02/2020 01:59

What about Verification purposes at the online checkout? Your Sisters card would have to be linked to her phone and the verification code sent via text. Are you sure she did not consent to this?

UYScuti · 12/02/2020 02:04

Truly despicable behaviour 😳☹️

HeronLanyon · 12/02/2020 02:19

Oh what a crap situation - just as you’ve had a lovely reconciliation.

Your ds will need to report it. She will need to make a statement (as the ‘loser) and also give police access to her card details and transactions.

So you need to decide whether to tell her. It’s then for her to decide what to do.

I am astounded that you were told anything at all by any of the companies involved - not the card holder and not a police officer. This may become a huge problem evidentially. The man who looked at cctv footage is in danger of losing his job should he be interviews and asked to make a statement. The home delivery company have discussed a credit card number, home address of your ds and of the card and usage of that card - all with someone walking in off the street who could be anyone. These are really serious offences. You yourself have made fraudulent misrepresentations in purporting to be the oh of the man who ordered (the home delivery one) and as a result obtained sensitive information.

I totally get all intentions were good. However the police (should they be contacted) will have quite a lot on their plate not just ds OH.

I’m not meaning to be critical here and I totally understand your ‘dog with a bone’ investigations.

Good luck op.

Imtootired · 12/02/2020 02:20

If he has a record then he might face serious consequences and you would be potentially changing your niece and nephews life for the worse. I think you need to talk to both sisters and the sister with him would be better off dumping him, but reporting him seems over the top. Let him know that you all know. Once someone goes to jail it becomes so much harder to have a normal life in the future. He is your sisters kids dad so I would deal with it privately

katy1213 · 12/02/2020 02:35

Tell your sister - she needs to know what he's like before she marries him. And that the rest of the family won't be socialising with him again.
His upbringing is no excuse.
You could try telling the police - I'd be very tempted - but I wouldn't count on them doing anything and the evidence you have collated yourself is likely to be inadmissible.

AcrossthePond55 · 12/02/2020 02:47

Absolutely, report it to the police. Hopefully they'll follow it up and your DS2 will realize what a loser he is and think twice about being with someone like that, let alone marrying them! TBH, I'd think my relationship with a sibling well lost if it meant they started thinking twice about such a loser.

Does the CC company know that you know who did it? Would they lodge a complaint with the police separately?

If the police and/or the CC company do nothing (sometimes there are minimum money amounts before they'll pursue), tell your sister and if you can get the shops to show her the proof, all the better because he's going to deny it.

DonKeyshot · 12/02/2020 02:50

< sigh > Take no notice of those who catastrophise OP.

If he faces 'serious consequences' which, even if he a rap sheet as long as your arm, is highly unlikely, he's bought it on himself.

Your ds1 should report the theft of her card to the police, mention that it has been used online to obtain goods which were delivered to x address together with the names of the local shops the stolen card was used in, and let the police investigate.

Alternatively, you could mention almost in passing to ds1 that ds2's credit card has gone missing and, having reported it to her bank/the issuer, she's now required to report it to the police.

I daresay she'll mention it to her dp and this may induce him to confess and promise to repay ds1 if she doesn't report it to the police.

What a tit he is. Doesn't he know you should never shit on your own doorstep?

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