Since I’ve become a parent I’ve been reflecting more on my own childhood, and I was hoping to get some perspective on a particular incident.
I had a not very good boyfriend when I was 16 and on this occasion he was staying with us and not meeting my parents standards for manners (which are quite strict). One night he asked if he could read the last couple of pages of his book before coming down for dinner (which my mum had cooked). My parents were very angry and took it out on me later, even though I hadn’t really done anything myself and was trying to moderate between them. I stayed quiet when they were shouting at me which angered my stepdad even more. He ended up shoving me over so that I landed on the bed, bending over me, pressing his fist against my chin and threatening to smash my face in.
My mum got between us and he didn’t actually hit me. Aside from one other incident where he held onto my arms so I couldn’t leave the room during an argument, he has been a loving and attentive dad. We have a great relationship and I’m very fond of him. In fact, it’s my mum who I’ve always had a trickier relationship with- she’s very unpredictable and quite narcissistic, every event is all about her emotions and never mine. As an example, after this happened, she came to my room later and lay on my bed and cried about being a bad mother until I reassured her that she wasn’t. She didn’t care much about how I felt about it.
Now that I have my own daughter, I feel like if anyone ever threatened her like that, I would want to claw their eyes out, it’s just an overwhelming protective instinct. I certainly couldn’t have stayed with them. But in my mums case, I think we’re all better off having my stepdad in our lives- they have a great marriage and he’s a good dad to my half sister and me. I’m curious as to what other parents would have done in my mums situation?